PTA mum with bad attitude or AITA?

[Mama7]

School festive celebrations today after school being run by the PTA. They were selling hot drinks, sweets and crispy crème donuts with some songs performed by the school choir. Email clearly states that the celebrations start at 3:30 however all donuts (which were billed as the main event) were already sold by the time we got there at 3:25, 5 minutes BEFORE the celebrations were even due to start.
I asked if there were any donuts left and was abruptly told no, my autistic 6 year old started to cry as I’d promised her one (absolutely my mistake there!) I (politely) replied “oh what a shame, the email said it didn’t start until half past, there’s going to be some disappointed children” The PTA woman then went into a rant saying “if you don’t like it maybe you should volunteer for the PTA, source the donuts, collect the donuts, organise the event and it started at 20 past so you should have got here sooner!” I replied that I wasn’t criticising the PTA, just merely pointing out that the children who didn’t manage to get one would be disappointed and the email clearly says it starts at half past. She said NO, maybe it’s the choir that start at half past. I said “I'm not lying, I’d be happy to show you the email?” She then turned to another PTA woman where they were both clearly talking about me.
My bug bear (as well as being spoken to like an idiot) is that people were walking away with huge boxes fitting 12 donuts and other people just had disappointed kids to deal with. Surely there should be a limit to make it fair.?
Im considering writing to the head and asking them to consider having a limit per person next year to avoid this or AITA who should have managed my child and mines expectations better.?

Couldn't even dream of getting worked up over a donut.

I think that unless you are prepared to get stuck in and help the PTA then you have absolutely no place to be criticising them.

YANBU. If the donuts ran out in 5 minutes then they should have bought more in the first place or limited the number people could buy.

I agree with you it's rotten to allow people to buy them all up leaving some people with nothing. Bad planning on the part of the PTA and the woman's defensive response shows that she's aware of this

What is it with donuts at your school?! I don’t think I’ve ever been anywhere where there is such a rush on mass-buying of donuts that they sell out in 5 minutes!

It’s not something I could be that worked up about, to be honest. I assume someone vastly underestimated the popularity of donuts and under-catered. I would just pop into our local co-op and get my kid one on the way home.

So pleased my dc are adults.
Dh and I have both done stints on the PTA and would never have dreamed of being so rude and we absolutely would have worked out donuts based on each dc buying one.
Your PTA have messed up this time.

I mean it's a donut. Yeah she was an asshole but again it is a donut I am sure your child will be ok in the end.

She's a volunteer, putting the event on in her own free time. They will have spent ages on that event, to have people complain is just soul destroying.

It's not like a commercially run event, you can't expect the same professionalism.

I’d say a number of people had said it to her and she was under pressure. Sorry your child was disappointed but yes never ever promise or if you’re going to say you’ll be getting donuts either there or afterwards! It’ll probably be sorted next year or else no donuts advertised 😅

I was a PTA volunteer and I think she was rude and a bit of a cow. The PTA person I mean. Not the OP.
They should have been advertised as "Snacks on sale at 3.00. Choir starts at 3.30" or whatever.

I think she has a point - if you have strong views on how donut selling should be organised then perhaps you should help with the donut selling. I think our PTA could do a few things differently but since I'm not prepared to give my own time to help and they are I keep my mouth shut and thank them for their events rather than criticising.

both you and dd seem very worked up over a donut. you should use this as an oppurtunity to teach your child things dont always go her way and maybe you could learn it too...

Also you were trying to buy one at 3.25 so why did you criticise them for selling them before 3.30?

Join the PTA, sort out next years donuts

The PTA might have messed up here, but they are volunteers and this could be the first time they've run an event like this and they may not have anticipated demand. I am sure if they do this again next year they will either buy more donuts, limit the number each family can buy, or both. It's pretty poor form to have criticised them in the way you did and I'm not surprised the woman was defensive. If you think you could do better then please do get involved in the PTA, but be prepared for it to be a pretty thankless task!

If something that's meant to be the "main event" runs out after 5 mins then there clearly wasn't enough.

I also don't think you're wrong to tell them that the email said it started 3:30 as that means there was probably plenty more people coming who had read the email.

This is annoying but not something I’d complain about. However, the PTA woman has pissed you off so if you want to annoy her further, complain to stick the boot in!

She was unnecessarily rude however I really don't think you can email the head of the school with a complaint about a doughnut. They will have enough on their hands all year round and you will definitely come off as the arsehole.

If you’re not helping, then just take your own doughnuts if they’re likely to go quick. 🤷‍♀️

I was on a PTA years ago and YANBU. Some people can be greedy bastards and very selfish indeed! A cake sale of any kind will always have a limited number of cakes/doughnuts for sale so for some families to think it's OK to buy 12 for themselves is selfish as it'll mean someone will not get any.

Ours used to sell out really quickly so it's not like the last people who got none rocked up half an hour later expecting cakes. But there were always greedy people who bought too much and putting a restriction in place is hard because as a volunteer you don't want that situation of having to tell people no. Or they would just send mum then another family member etc.

I always think these people are the same ones who are greedy at a buffet by taking so much food they don't care if people behind them have none left.

Things like doughnuts are quite.tough to plan for because you can't easily.keep hold of excess stock, and it feels (to me anyway) like a big responsibility when you're investing money in stock that has to be bought that day in order to recoup the money. So I don't think they were wrong to sell to people who wanted to buy them, because the purpose is to raise money and they could be criticised for wasting money on unsold doughnuts if they were wasted later on.

Surely there should be a limit to make it fair.?
Im considering writing to the head and asking them to consider having a limit per person next year to avoid this

I mean, your suggestions do sound like you should perhaps volunteer for the PTA.

It sounds like there was a lack of communication between the people running the donut stall and whoever drafted/sent the email in terms of timing, and I don't think it's something it's fair to drag the head into.

Furthermore, as a fellow parent of autistic children, I would advise you to pick your battles with the school carefully, as you may well have years of fighting with the school over far more important SEN issues in the coming years.

Her reaction suggests there aren't enough volunteers, so while I can see why it would be disappointing for everything not to run like clockwork, this is likely just a small handful of volunteers, so it WBU to expect it to be run like a professional commercial enterprise.

You sound like the PITA. Typical parent who likes to critcise but doesn't bother doing anything themselves

What was she supposed to do right then with what you said to her? Magic up some doughnuts? It wasn’t a very useful or helpful comment when she’s given up her time to help.

This isn't an either/or - she had a bad attitude, but one that was understandable after an insane 5 minutes of people taking the piss. You were also BU to be so passive aggressive, not even thinking to volunteer, but feeling free to criticise.

A nicer person would have said "do you want me to run to the shop for more..." A more reasonable person would have said something to the greedy people with 12 rather than the volunteer raising money for the school.