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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

PTA mum with bad attitude or AITA?

351 replies

Mama7 · 13/12/2024 16:36

School festive celebrations today after school being run by the PTA. They were selling hot drinks, sweets and crispy crème donuts with some songs performed by the school choir. Email clearly states that the celebrations start at 3:30 however all donuts (which were billed as the main event) were already sold by the time we got there at 3:25, 5 minutes BEFORE the celebrations were even due to start.
I asked if there were any donuts left and was abruptly told no, my autistic 6 year old started to cry as I’d promised her one (absolutely my mistake there!) I (politely) replied “oh what a shame, the email said it didn’t start until half past, there’s going to be some disappointed children” The PTA woman then went into a rant saying “if you don’t like it maybe you should volunteer for the PTA, source the donuts, collect the donuts, organise the event and it started at 20 past so you should have got here sooner!” I replied that I wasn’t criticising the PTA, just merely pointing out that the children who didn’t manage to get one would be disappointed and the email clearly says it starts at half past. She said NO, maybe it’s the choir that start at half past. I said “I'm not lying, I’d be happy to show you the email?” She then turned to another PTA woman where they were both clearly talking about me.
My bug bear (as well as being spoken to like an idiot) is that people were walking away with huge boxes fitting 12 donuts and other people just had disappointed kids to deal with. Surely there should be a limit to make it fair.?
Im considering writing to the head and asking them to consider having a limit per person next year to avoid this or AITA who should have managed my child and mines expectations better.?

OP posts:
Dollybantree · 13/12/2024 17:10

What was so amazing about these donuts, I have to know?! It's one of my steadfast rules in life never to buy food from school fairs/artisan markets etc - I bet the hygiene rating is nonexistent!

sprigatito · 13/12/2024 17:12

Krispy Kreme = horrible stale sugary bagels, but that's beside the point. You shouldn't have complained about volunteers doing it wrong, and she shouldn't have lost her cool with you.

AllYearsAround · 13/12/2024 17:13

You should offer to run the donut stall at the next event and show them how it's done.

Unicorntearsofgin · 13/12/2024 17:13

It’s really tough to do the bake sales for the PTA. Anything you don’t sell is a waste and the aim is to raise money so the more sold the better. I get it would be annoying but if you haven’t volunteered with the PTA you have no clue how much effort goes in and how thankless it is.

Shessweetbutapsycho · 13/12/2024 17:14

I can see both sides- it sounds like she was rude in how she spoke to you, although she was probably stressed at putting on the event. I don’t think restricting numbers bought is a good idea however, it could easily turn out the other way with the PTA being left with loads of unsold stock having turned away buyers

Isthisjustnormal · 13/12/2024 17:14

Yes, she was definitely rude - ‘I’m so sorry - we weren’t expecting them to be so popular’ and the issue wouldn’t have happened.

That said: as someone who’s managed crispy kreme for pta events before, it is really hard to buy appropriately: they are relatively expensive so if you have left over stock they can wipe out your profits - and equally some people seem to be obsessed with the things and will buy boxes, so it’s really hard to gauge how many to buy. If I was selling I would probably not have limited them: as if you end up with left overs you are stuffed.

were there other snacks still available?

I don’t think this is a ‘go to the head’ issue - it’s the PTA’s job and responsibility, I wouldn’t expect the head to get involved in anything like this level of detail. None of the heads I’ve worked with as part of the PTA (at least 5-6 different heads) would have touched this with a badge pole. I also think PTAs are made of volunteers, often dealing with a lot of admin whilst trying to do their own kids stuff, and as such holding them to a level of business or even school efficiency is not appropriate. They will sometimes cock up, and that’s just how it is.

I’d do an Elsa on this one, and let it go, and buy your dc a doughnut tomorrow!

ToWhitToWhoo · 13/12/2024 17:15

She sounds over-the-top; but maybe several people had already complained and that's why she got defensive.

Maboscelar · 13/12/2024 17:16

I was a PTA chair for three years and think YANBU.
They shouldn't start early, they should stop stockpiling if there are limited supplies, and after shouldn't have been rude to you.
Yes it's hard being on the PTA but they should still run things well. I would email the head though, maybe mention to the chair you're suggestions for improvement but at the same time offer to volunteer for something to soften the criticism.

MajorCarolDanvers · 13/12/2024 17:16

Sounds like she was tired and stressed from organising the event and fed up with whining parents complaining.

and you will come across like a dick if you email the head with advice on how to sell donuts.

ohyesido · 13/12/2024 17:17

This isn't about the doughnuts though it's principle. Why are some people such greedy fuckers?

It's some kind of competitive thing, like at the reduced counter in supermarkets people flapping around like vultures trying to prevent anyone else from getting a look.

Mama7 · 13/12/2024 17:18

Jellie00 · 13/12/2024 16:39

Couldn't even dream of getting worked up over a donut.

The only person who ‘got worked up’ was my autistic 6 year old.

OP posts:
AllYearsAround · 13/12/2024 17:18

I can absolutely promise you the head does not want to deal with a petty complaint about donut sales that they didn't organise, especially not from someone who has no intention of helping.

Dollshousedolly · 13/12/2024 17:19

Your attitude sounds like it was worse than the other woman’s. While disappointing the donuts ran out, I’m sure the organisers didn’t foresee that happening and will re-work things next year.

The PTA organiser didn’t need you going on about it - it would have been enough to say there will be disappointed children and leave it at that. Running off to write to the head seems like childish tale telling. Instead why not join the PTA or offer to help at events.

sprigatito · 13/12/2024 17:19

ohyesido · 13/12/2024 17:17

This isn't about the doughnuts though it's principle. Why are some people such greedy fuckers?

It's some kind of competitive thing, like at the reduced counter in supermarkets people flapping around like vultures trying to prevent anyone else from getting a look.

People go for the reduced section in supermarkets because they're skint and trying to feed their families, as a rule.

MajorCarolDanvers · 13/12/2024 17:21

Mama7 · 13/12/2024 17:18

The only person who ‘got worked up’ was my autistic 6 year old.

And yet you feel strongly enough to complain at the event, make a thread about it and are thinking of advising the head teacher on how to sell them next year?

MintsPi · 13/12/2024 17:22

ohyesido · 13/12/2024 17:17

This isn't about the doughnuts though it's principle. Why are some people such greedy fuckers?

It's some kind of competitive thing, like at the reduced counter in supermarkets people flapping around like vultures trying to prevent anyone else from getting a look.

Trouble is if people didn't buy what they wanted and left some for others then it runs the risk of having lots left over.

PrincessOfPreschool · 13/12/2024 17:23

Morrisons' doughnuts are much nicer than Krispy creme, which are overpriced and over sugared. Mozzas' are so soft - you can get 5 jam or custard for I think £1 or close.

Mama7 · 13/12/2024 17:23

Ablondiebutagoody · 13/12/2024 17:06

You sound like the PITA. Typical parent who likes to critcise but doesn't bother doing anything themselves

Ive volunteered at numerous events so your assumption is wrong.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 13/12/2024 17:24

It's a cake stall basically.

They frequently sell out of specific types of cakes.

They also usually get mobbed as soon as they are set up and there are crowds of kids wanting their favourite cake.

Sounds like there was a miscommunication on timing.

I'd never promise my kids anything from a cake stall - on occasion the ones at my school have sold out completely and there is nothing at all left.

mrspresents · 13/12/2024 17:24

You admit your mistake in promising your daughter one. Parent 101- never promise something you can't guarantee.

Mama7 · 13/12/2024 17:25

KnickerlessFlannel · 13/12/2024 17:04

Things like doughnuts are quite.tough to plan for because you can't easily.keep hold of excess stock, and it feels (to me anyway) like a big responsibility when you're investing money in stock that has to be bought that day in order to recoup the money. So I don't think they were wrong to sell to people who wanted to buy them, because the purpose is to raise money and they could be criticised for wasting money on unsold doughnuts if they were wasted later on.

Yes very good point, thank you!

OP posts:
Dollshousedolly · 13/12/2024 17:25

Mama7 · 13/12/2024 17:18

The only person who ‘got worked up’ was my autistic 6 year old.

You were clearly worked up over it, making a big deal of it with the PTA woman, considering writing to the head and posting about here.

Maybe the people who bought a box of 12 thought they were supporting the school, they might not have been aware their purchase would cause a shortage. Perhaps they were going to visit friends on the way home and thought they would bring a box of donuts. Or whatever.

Ablondiebutagoody · 13/12/2024 17:25

Mama7 · 13/12/2024 17:23

Ive volunteered at numerous events so your assumption is wrong.

Yeah, right

Bushmillsbabe · 13/12/2024 17:25

Yes I would be a bit annoyed on how she spoke to you, it wasnt necessary, she could have just said, sorry we have run out.

No I would not email a busy head about doughnuts. You said there were also sweets, hot chocolate and a choir performance.

MieleLimone · 13/12/2024 17:25

You cannot write to the Head about this!

Please volunteer at your PTA to see things from the other side.

Our cake stalls were only run on cake/doughnut/cookie donations so they would always sell out quickly. There'd be rows of people waiting to buy and yes some parents did buy a plateful but they were handed out to kids and their friends to reduce the queues.