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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

PTA mum with bad attitude or AITA?

351 replies

Mama7 · 13/12/2024 16:36

School festive celebrations today after school being run by the PTA. They were selling hot drinks, sweets and crispy crème donuts with some songs performed by the school choir. Email clearly states that the celebrations start at 3:30 however all donuts (which were billed as the main event) were already sold by the time we got there at 3:25, 5 minutes BEFORE the celebrations were even due to start.
I asked if there were any donuts left and was abruptly told no, my autistic 6 year old started to cry as I’d promised her one (absolutely my mistake there!) I (politely) replied “oh what a shame, the email said it didn’t start until half past, there’s going to be some disappointed children” The PTA woman then went into a rant saying “if you don’t like it maybe you should volunteer for the PTA, source the donuts, collect the donuts, organise the event and it started at 20 past so you should have got here sooner!” I replied that I wasn’t criticising the PTA, just merely pointing out that the children who didn’t manage to get one would be disappointed and the email clearly says it starts at half past. She said NO, maybe it’s the choir that start at half past. I said “I'm not lying, I’d be happy to show you the email?” She then turned to another PTA woman where they were both clearly talking about me.
My bug bear (as well as being spoken to like an idiot) is that people were walking away with huge boxes fitting 12 donuts and other people just had disappointed kids to deal with. Surely there should be a limit to make it fair.?
Im considering writing to the head and asking them to consider having a limit per person next year to avoid this or AITA who should have managed my child and mines expectations better.?

OP posts:
Danzdanzdanz · 13/12/2024 18:26

So, did you offer to go down the shop and purchase more donuts for the event? Or went on mumsnet to complain about it?

fss
I am so tired of people complaining without offering help! Did you forget that all PTA members are volunteers trying to do something for the school for FREE

Caddycat · 13/12/2024 18:27

Of course you are not being unreasonable. She clearly didn't order enough so didn't like you pointing out they had ran out. Maybe it was a learning experience and they will order more next time. I don't think a limit is a good idea, you want to make as much money as possible. Perhaps a pre order would be a good idea though.

DrZaraCarmichael · 13/12/2024 18:29

If it's the Krispy Creme boxes, they set a maximum number you can buy in bulk. They always used to sell super quick at our events too. Bit unreasonable to expect that a PTA volunteer police the buying and get into arguments with children/adults - you've had one already, no I haven't, are you calling me a liar, it's christmas....

JMSA · 13/12/2024 18:29

Donut even consider emailing the Head about this.

quantumbutterfly · 13/12/2024 18:31

If your recounting is fair, sounds like she was the one being an arsehole. Sounds poorly planned & executed by the adults in the room.

She sounds less resilient than your 6 year old to have given you all that for a simple comment. Is there history between you?

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 13/12/2024 18:32

Your comments were so unnecessary when this woman is already stressed and organising a big event for the school. She doesn’t need to deal with the fact that she’s disappointed loads of children and feel guilty on top of her work load (that she’s doing for free). Think before you speak.

AllYearsAround · 13/12/2024 18:32

Caddycat · 13/12/2024 18:27

Of course you are not being unreasonable. She clearly didn't order enough so didn't like you pointing out they had ran out. Maybe it was a learning experience and they will order more next time. I don't think a limit is a good idea, you want to make as much money as possible. Perhaps a pre order would be a good idea though.

It's rude to persistently point out someone's 'mistake' when there's nothing they can do about though.

Bunnycat101 · 13/12/2024 18:34

I think you dug in a bit too much- once they’d gone she would have known there would be disappointed kids. I’m not sure that it was that helpful for you to make that point when there wasn’t anything she could do about it. She was probably frazzled and a bit arsy.

When I have volunteered for PTA events I have often found some of the other parents really rude and annoying especially when I’ve been on a bar. People seem to forget that they’re just volunteers trying to do something fun to raise money for the kids and had no training.

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 13/12/2024 18:35

YABU You were passive aggressive. You can't really complain if you don't like how someone responds to that.

godmum56 · 13/12/2024 18:36

I think if they were genuine Krispy Kremes, then honestly it was a bit of a silly idea because people go nutso for them so there was bound to be a rush. Unless they had a deal or they were donated, they are not cheap so going to be hard to make a profit on and yes they don't store so they can't overbuy on spec....better to have done something like s'mores or toasted marshmallows.....but I also get the if you aren't going to volunteer don't moan thing. Basically neither of you were wrong but you weren't right either.

mumedu · 13/12/2024 18:38

Next time, volunteer your time so you can make your suggestions come to fruition. Pull your finger out and stop moaning.

ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat · 13/12/2024 18:39

I chaired a PTA for 6 years. We had a rule that every child was included. So there would have been at least enough donuts for each child to buy one, including gluten free and vegan options, and only once we were sure that all children that wanted one had one would we have sold off boxes or bags. Nobody would have been allowed to buy 12 donuts at the start of the event.

TeenLifeMum · 13/12/2024 18:39

Lesson learned, doughnuts sell quick. You’ll know next time. 6 yo having a tantrum about it should be your focus - too old for that drama. You promised a doughnut but couldn’t get one, just say “oh they’ve run out, I’ll get you one from Lidl later/tomorrow” then move on.

amymel2016 · 13/12/2024 18:40

Neolara · 13/12/2024 16:40

I think that unless you are prepared to get stuck in and help the PTA then you have absolutely no place to be criticising them.

This. The woman has probably spent hours organising the event, then taken atleast half a day off work to run the event. Unless you’re willing to volunteer then I’d keep quiet.

MumDoingMyBest · 13/12/2024 18:41

ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat · 13/12/2024 18:39

I chaired a PTA for 6 years. We had a rule that every child was included. So there would have been at least enough donuts for each child to buy one, including gluten free and vegan options, and only once we were sure that all children that wanted one had one would we have sold off boxes or bags. Nobody would have been allowed to buy 12 donuts at the start of the event.

That's a lovely way to run a PTA. The event is positive for everyone. Thank you for starting from that position.

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 18:43

Why should the OP have to join the PTA just to suggest "next time we need to be clear on the advertising about what time we start selling and restrict how many people can buy".
As a former member of a PTA sometimes suggestions can actually be useful.

quantumbutterfly · 13/12/2024 18:45

ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat · 13/12/2024 18:39

I chaired a PTA for 6 years. We had a rule that every child was included. So there would have been at least enough donuts for each child to buy one, including gluten free and vegan options, and only once we were sure that all children that wanted one had one would we have sold off boxes or bags. Nobody would have been allowed to buy 12 donuts at the start of the event.

This.
Bit surprised by people expecting an autistic 6 yr old to be more resilient than the adult running the stall.

AmethystMist · 13/12/2024 18:47

What do you mean about the donuts being the main event? If that's the case and it was 'donut day' or something aimed at the kids, yes they should have figured out a way to make sure there were donuts for the kids when the event was actually on.

ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat · 13/12/2024 18:48

MumDoingMyBest · 13/12/2024 18:41

That's a lovely way to run a PTA. The event is positive for everyone. Thank you for starting from that position.

Thanks. Nearly drove me insane trying to find vegan/dairy and soya free and gluten free chocolate treats for the Easter bunny to give out, but managed to find some that were bunny shaped like the malteaser ones.

Every disco had snacks suitable for all. I would contact the parent of any child with a serious allergy (eg nuts) to check that the snacks I was getting would be suitable for them.

It made life a lot harder (and supplies more expensive) but seeing every child able to participate and enjoy fully made it worth it every time. It’s part of the school ethos (they don’t organise a prom because they don’t want anyone feeling they have to spend money they don’t have on an expensive events, for example. Parents organise proms themselves.). And it meant we made more money overall because nobody had to stay at home.

(I work in HR - true inclusiveness is hard work but worth it.)

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 13/12/2024 18:48

I was about to join the pile in and say YAB(V)U and the arsehole. But have read your sweet considered responses where you take posters' constructive comments on board . And now think, well, you were being unreasonable in your original reaction (and TA) - but now you're not as you've reflected and thought further

GreenWheat · 13/12/2024 18:50

After many years on the PTA, I can say that some parents treat you as if you're a professional event organiser, not another parent who is just as busy as they are, and who makes mistakes sometimes. The time for your "feedback" would be after the event, not while she's in the middle of running the event she's bust a gut to organise for you.

Obeseandashamed · 13/12/2024 18:56

I'm on a PTA... YANBU

Mama7 · 13/12/2024 18:57

Octavia64 · 13/12/2024 17:24

It's a cake stall basically.

They frequently sell out of specific types of cakes.

They also usually get mobbed as soon as they are set up and there are crowds of kids wanting their favourite cake.

Sounds like there was a miscommunication on timing.

I'd never promise my kids anything from a cake stall - on occasion the ones at my school have sold out completely and there is nothing at all left.

Yes, lesson most definitely learnt 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
MuddyPawsIndoors · 13/12/2024 19:00

Gooden · 13/12/2024 18:24

@MuddyPawsIndoors what's nasty is dismissing an autistic child's emotions and being rude to people who query the timings of an event. If someone can't volunteer and be the music level of polite they shouldn't volunteer at all.

How could she be rushed off her feet she had nothing left to sell.

Oh don't be silly, they'd literally just sold out.

She must've been knackered and stressed after that and the preparation beforehand.

The OP absolutely picked the wrong moment to remonstrate with the volunteer, when she could've simply emailed the following day.

No-one was dismissing the child's disappointment. The OP admits she herself was responsible for that, but again hindsight is a wonderful thing.

BeAzureAnt · 13/12/2024 19:01

Tooearlytothink · 13/12/2024 17:56

This

But it is Krispy Kreme! 😁

OP, let it go.

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