Shag, Marry, Avoid - Disrespectful in front of BF?

[SausageDogForChristmas]

Early in my relationship with boyfriend (one month/6 weeks in) Big night out with all my friends and a few mutual friends. A bit tipsy and my friends and I started playing shag, marry, avoid with celebrity names, some ridiculous suggestions, all light hearted fun. Looked over and BFs face was like thunder. He was furious and really angry. He went to storm off and mutual friends stopped him. He shouted at me that I was extremely disrespectful, I’m supposed to be his girlfriend. We all then went for a meal and the atmosphere was awful. He was barely speaking to me, a few of my friends tried talking to him and we went outside and I had to explain that it was just a bit of fun. Lighthearted and I didn’t mean to upset him. I wouldn’t care if he had done it.

AIBU? Was I disrespectful? It was just lighthearted fun. He did similar where I admitted to fancying a certain celebrity/singer. Refused to speak to me for hours, we had a horrible row.

He needs therapy over his insecurities in general, because he shouldn’t be near women with the things he’s coming out with. The game is obviously a controversial issue, but his issues are far deeper than that. As a pp said, it’s a huge red flag for possessive behaviour.

Cos if it had been 9 months it would be Pam and Stu in Salford.

The game is less this issue it’s more his reaction which was totally disproportionate and when taken aside the other remarks he’s made about you only loving him etc sound more troubling. I don’t think he’s a keeper tbh without him going through a buck tonne of therapy to work out why he’s possessive with his love. I would be highly interested to hear ex girlfriends perspectives on his behaviour too, imagine it’s not the epic “oh he only had eyes for me/ I felt so loved by him”. People who actually love you (in a positive way) don’t give you the silent treatment or act so harshly even their friends try to correct them in public… just saying.

I think you both behaved pretty horrible. Yes your behaviour lacked respect for him and was quite immature. Not that you’re not allowed to talk celebrities you’d like to shag - you are - but it’s very icky to do that in front of your partner. You should have just winked and said, I’m not going to make Bobbie feel uncomfortable!
But his behaviour (both the storming off and the asking for confirmation you never loved anyone else) reeks of jealousy and is a red flag for controlling behaviour.

This is as /worse than the tantrum. He sounds like the type who could become nasty even dangerous. Weirdo

Yeah well I married one of these - though actually it was fine for him to leer at girls - I ended up not being able to watch TV as I was obviously fantasising about guys on there, and not just fit ones but anyone male from 18-80. This TV thing started because I said I used to like Barry Grant and that right there was his opening to realising I was nothing but a disrespectful tart in every way and then escalating from Brookside to all TV! Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it but it's very real - he clearly had poor thinking and insane jealousy. There were also other things that had started by sounding possibly reasonable.
I've read on MN that fancying well known folk, or at least telling a DP about it, isn't fair on DP, though I'm not sure I agree with that. Anyway, pre MN I went there obliviously, and uncovered the very red flag, which I also ignored. Can't say anything improved and there were many, many difficulties as well as TV watching, or not watching. I left after 3 pretty rough years.
Rights or wrongs of the game, which no other guy there seems to show annoyance, his reaction is a massive, massive red flag and you'd do very well to get out of this. Not that easy I know, but easier than staying and trying to accommodate him - it always starts sounding so rational, and even some on here agree with him - till it becomes wildly irrational and impossible to meet their demands.

He sounds boring, controlling and really unattractive. Gross.

He sounds like a right wet wipe! What a bore! He doesn’t really sound like he’s compatible with you, unless he has strong redeeming features, get rid, otherwise you’ll be treading on eggshells every time you socialise.

I don’t post much on here, but feel compelled to given what I consider is a significant risk to you. Without you saying anything, or even realising, I imagine you are already changing your behaviours so as not to upset him or set him off.

To me he sounds like a classic perpetrator of domestic abuse, whether or not that is domestic violence (yet) makes it no less risky for you. If I were you, I’d have ended it at after that incident. His views are distorted and that doesn’t bode well for you. When someone shows you so clearly their character, believe it. This is him, he will not change, and even if he could, I wouldn’t risk sticking around until he recognises and does something about his abusive behaviour!

Obviously this is mumsnet so everyone is going to say that he's being unreasonable not you.
But there was a very similar thread to this at the weekend where it was the man doing shag, marry, avoid in a new relationship and everyone said that it was disrespectful to the woman and to the female celebrities they were discussing - so take away from that what you will.

Just came to wave my big red flag! Exit stage left NOW.

I kind of agree with him he’s got a
point. Some things are best left for a girls night. Know my Dh wouldn’t like it at all and he’s not controlling / red flag / pervy himself at all. Sounds like you are not suited.

Get rid

Currently rewatching Gavin and Stacey from the start and they do this in an episode. It’s ridiculous someone would get angry over it and very immature. It’s hardly as if Brad Pitt is coming to whisk you away!

he’s a bit soft but imagine this reversed? I’d think it pretty shit if my partner was sitting there with friends talking about which celebs he’d like to shag. Bit gross.

Seriously? Are you blind?

I'm sorry, OP, but AVOID. Seriously, get rid of him, he's obssessive and irrationally jealous, two major indicators of abusive behaviour. You don't deserve this. You were not being disrespectful at all.
(And don't get me started with the "reversed sexism" people... 🙄)

This

Op. I used to be the same with my boyfriend. If he mentioned actresses he fancied or ex-girlfriends, I would get horribly upset.
It was my own massive insecurity that needed him to say he certainly didn't fancy or couldn't fancy anyone else.
Needless to say, I was being completely unrealistic and he left me after a few years.
I now see that this behaviour, and that of your partner, comes from deep/seated insecurity

Bin him. Move on. If this is how he behaves 6 weeks in, think about 6 months and 6 years. Don't waste your time.

To me this is a HUGE red flag. Its not like you were picking people from work or his brothers 😂 What's he been like since this in regards to jealousy?

Honestly does he think that he’s the only guy in the world? or you’ve never ever had another BF before him? There is absolutely nothing wrong with finding other people attractive AT ALL! It doesn’t mean you’re going home for a shag with every single person that you’ve looked at! I think you’re in for a bumpy ride if you stay with this man child and honestly he sounds quite jealous/immature and possessive. Time for a conversation and putting some boundaries in place and maybe even kicking him to the curb and finding a man instead of a boy. Good luck 🤞

Totally agree

Really can't see how you did anything wrong
Absolutely unacceptable if you were doing it about people you know of course but celebrities absolute over reaction from him
He sounds very insecure and will probably be the type to not let you follow celebs on social media or watch their films now lol

Reminded me of this.