Shag, Marry, Avoid - Disrespectful in front of BF?

[SausageDogForChristmas]

Early in my relationship with boyfriend (one month/6 weeks in) Big night out with all my friends and a few mutual friends. A bit tipsy and my friends and I started playing shag, marry, avoid with celebrity names, some ridiculous suggestions, all light hearted fun. Looked over and BFs face was like thunder. He was furious and really angry. He went to storm off and mutual friends stopped him. He shouted at me that I was extremely disrespectful, I’m supposed to be his girlfriend. We all then went for a meal and the atmosphere was awful. He was barely speaking to me, a few of my friends tried talking to him and we went outside and I had to explain that it was just a bit of fun. Lighthearted and I didn’t mean to upset him. I wouldn’t care if he had done it.

AIBU? Was I disrespectful? It was just lighthearted fun. He did similar where I admitted to fancying a certain celebrity/singer. Refused to speak to me for hours, we had a horrible row.

He sounds far too full on for this early in a relationship. All the sulking, "never look at another woman" and "the only man you've ever loved" shite is waving far more red flags than the S,M,A game.

Cut your losses and end it. You're early-on enough to just go with "This isn't working for me" aaaaaand BLOCK.

Sorry, posted before RTFT, so it's not all that early. Still, the rest stands, dumpity dump.

How well did he know your friends?

Seems a silly thing to do in front of a new b/f to me

Now that's too much!

The way the OP is written, and your subsequent comments, make it seem like you know this guy isn’t the one. You don’t need a bunch of reasons and/or justifications to dump him, OP. You can just end it.

For the record, I think YANBU. But it honestly doesn’t matter. Just chuck him back and have a merry (single) Christmas. 😊

The following information correct was not little information but what I’m saying is at the point of him being called controlling (because a lot of people always assume a man must be controlling) we didn’t have any information other than basically he got upset about OPs game with her friends and stormed off, OPs first post was not enough to call someone a controlling arse.

You saved me writing more or less the same comment. If it was a bloke playing "shag, marry, avoid" in front his girlfriend, imagine the outcry on here. Personally, I wouldn't be with anyone as tacky or immature as to play the game in the first place.

All the time I read on here about partners sharing stupid jokes or whatever on WhatsApp groups and the consensus is always what a bunch of twats they are, childish etc and they should be dumped. Why are you with a man like this ? Blah blah! The other way round though - this seems to be Ok to do ? Can you imagine if someone had come on and said my boyfriend was playing kiss, shag, marry with a bunch of other guys at a party 🙄🙄🙄 double standards here!

😂

But in the opening post the op also says that she once told him about a celeb she fancies and he gave the same reaction, silent treatment and a ‘huge row’. It’s not just about the game, the boyfriend is controlling. From the first post and then confirmed in follow ups, he is demanding that the op only sees him in any sort of attractive way, and even a silly crush or a game talking about attractive celebrities who the op would never meet is leading to reactive behaviour and the op having to ‘explain herself’. This is very obviously a man with huge issues about his girlfriend finding anyone bar him even remotely attractive. Very worrying behaviour, anyone with sense or experience of controlling men can see this for what it is.

Ha same!

My OH really fancies Kylie Minogue.
I am 5foot 11, size 12, blonde, blue eyed and don't mind. I think it's funny and his mum once gave him a calendar of hers and I wasn't bothered!
Really weird he reacted like this and I would be a bit worried/ cautious re the future with him.

God I hate insecure men.

Total turn off, I wouldn't have continued the relationship.

Run away. This is the time (early on and with friends) that he should be on his best behavior, he'll only get worse. Watch until I kill you on itv, he reminds me of the boyfriend on that

If he’s not embarrassed or concerned acting like that in front of your friends, I’d be very concerned about his behaviour towards you at home. Complete overreaction, get rid.

Assuming there are no ties and you don't live with him, I'd be tossing this one back.

If you don't live with him, don't move in with him and If you do live with him then find yourself an exit plan.

Agree with this. It’s a very immature disrespectful ‘game’ to play in front of a bf but he handled it very badly..

Both sound pretty childish tbh

I agree with this Op. you're still in that getting know each other phase so maybe not the best thing to do.

However, I think it's a major red flag in terms of how he acted, so I wouldn't be thinking this is the person for me.

Unless he is one of the options and you don't choose him for marry I don't see the issue

It's arguable whether your playing was disrespectful - but that's more of a different strokes for different folks matter.
His reaction however was all out unacceptable. It think you may want to consider cutting your losses now. He sounds like he could become a nightmare.

his utter denial that he would even look at a beautiful famous woman now that he’s with me

This is utter BS btw. I've known men like this, and they fall into one of two camps. Either he has chronically low self-esteem and struggled to get a girlfriend. He then latches onto the one he has and won't let go, spinning this narrative about how basically he turned off all attraction to anyone else ever because you're the only girl for me ever ever ever.

The other men are just straight up liars, and want to pretend they never look at women to ensure you never look at other men. They often have porn addictions, OF, message random women on social media/follow their bikini pics on insta, and leer at women in the street - when you're not around to see. Basically, do as I say, not as I do.

Both types are a one way ticket to a horribly controlling relationship.

I had a bf like this...he was horribly jealous and controlling. It was SUCH an increasingly toxic relationship. My now husband even if he found it awkward would be able to control his embarrassment enough to have a quiet word with me and not make a scene

Massive overreaction from him.

But I guarantee that if the roles were reversed and he and his mates had been playing the same game you would be told to get rid. Not because the game is disrespectful to you but because it is disrespectful to women as a whole.

As a general rule these kinds of games are considered to be perfectly ok if it’s women playing them, but not men.

So there are a lot of double standards at play here.

His comments about how he doesn't look at anyone else and wanting to know he's the only person you've loved reek of someone who has the potential to end up very jealous and possessive. It's these little red flags people ignore until it gets much later and it's far harder to get out of, because they don't seem that much of a big deal, but they are very telling.

It sounds like he overreacted and was dramatic about it, but I do think you were being disrespectful.

He needs to be with someone who wouldn’t do shag marry avoid and you need to be with someone who thinks it’s fun thing. You’re just not suited.