Shag, Marry, Avoid - Disrespectful in front of BF?

[SausageDogForChristmas]

Early in my relationship with boyfriend (one month/6 weeks in) Big night out with all my friends and a few mutual friends. A bit tipsy and my friends and I started playing shag, marry, avoid with celebrity names, some ridiculous suggestions, all light hearted fun. Looked over and BFs face was like thunder. He was furious and really angry. He went to storm off and mutual friends stopped him. He shouted at me that I was extremely disrespectful, I’m supposed to be his girlfriend. We all then went for a meal and the atmosphere was awful. He was barely speaking to me, a few of my friends tried talking to him and we went outside and I had to explain that it was just a bit of fun. Lighthearted and I didn’t mean to upset him. I wouldn’t care if he had done it.

AIBU? Was I disrespectful? It was just lighthearted fun. He did similar where I admitted to fancying a certain celebrity/singer. Refused to speak to me for hours, we had a horrible row.

He sounds a bit of a nightmare. I couldn’t be with some like this. Me and dh always joke about other men/women. Just last night dh asked me to pass his phone and said ‘just don’t read the messages from my girlfriend’.

It's not a game to play with your boyfriend/ partner present and is quite childish. Why has this come up now though? You don't say why you're rehashing the issue presumably some time later. You both sound rather immature

He’s obviously got shit conflict resolution tactics, or none at all. Bin him, this one’s not the one.

@SausageDogForChristmas just imagine what he'd be like when something that actually matters doesn't go the way he wants? You deserve much better.

I loathe it when men I'm dating comment on the attractiveness of other women, IRL or on screen. If he and a bunch of his mates built the evening's conversation around a S/M/A game I'd find it a massive turnoff.

That said, sense of humour failure/hissy fit behaviour of the sort he displayed is also a massive ick.

Sounds gruesome all round, TBH.

Awful game awful reaction. Two wrongs don't make a right, and from what you describe, not someone for you to be in a relationship with.

I don't really think the game itself and what MNetters think of it is important.

What is important is the emotional abuse/silent punishments he dishes out to the OP, when she does something he dislikes.

If he's like this now when they've only been together a year, and as the OP is considering doing a Claire's Law request, this relationship is (or at least it bloody should be) absolutely OVER.

It's never going to get any better unless he always gets his own way, and that'll only happen if he gets to control everything the OP says, does and thinks.

How's your cardiovascular fitness OP? RUN!

He does sound jealous and insecure, however I can understand why he was uncomfortable. I don't think many women would enjoy their partners playing this in front of them.

Its a tacky conversation in my opinion but plenty of people don’t mind this kind of thing.

BUT your bf was being unreasonable not to keep his composure and then address it calmly with your later.

Well, this makes your BF sound completely unhinged.

Whether shag, marry, kill was (or wasn't) disrespectful honestly depends on one's personal standards. Some people would not mind. Other would. Neither is right (or wrong) imo.

What does matter is how one communicates those standards, how one react etc... And he definitely shouldn't have given you the silent treatment. Sounds like an ex-boyfriend to me.

Insecure baby.

Dump.

Insecure men and women are a pain more often than not, they end up turning into hyper-controlling behaviours. I've no time for jealousy to that extent.

Fucking hell.

I'd play it WITH DH!

I don't understand why you would play that game except maybe on a hen do or sleep over with your bffs.

But his reaction is concerning. If you can't say you fancy Brad Pitt without him exploding I'd be concerned.

I’d run a mile. You’ve seen what he’s like and how he behaves when he’s not happy with something. You’re 6 weeks in, your friends were there, this relationship will get much worse! Imagine what he’ll be like down the line.
With regard to the game- each to their own. It wouldn’t bother me and my DH we play this with friends, but regardless it’s his actions and how he sulked and made a scene and ruined your evening over it. Luckily he’s shown you now who he is… run!!

Why did you carry on dating him after this massive red flag only a month in? What else has he done since then?

When I was massively insecure this would have upset me too and made me uncomfortable. I’ve bad therapy and am in a much better place and would also see it as a bit of fun. Try and sympathise as he may just have low self esteem! Took me a while to accept it’s ok to find other people attractive!

Well I'd not like to be sitting in a room with my partner and his mates while they played that, so I do have some sympathy with him. I think his behaviour was a bit much though. I'd have quietly told my partner to stop and if he hadn't I'd have taken myself away, because while it might be a big laugh to those playing, it's not much of a spectator sport to listen to people talk like that about other men/women. I wouldnt have continued in your company in a big strop that ruined your evening though.

Nope, chuck this one back. He's controlling, insecure and screams red flags.

It's a silly game to get worked up over. I'd have no issue playing it or my husband playing either. We already have an agreement in place that when Mariah Carey turns up at the front door I wont see him again and I'm fine with that 😉

No, no no no no. I had one like this when I was about 20. My mother (in one of the very few decent parenting moments) said ‘he’s a controlling arse, don’t let this get serious’. Glad I listened, I’ve seen other men act like this and their girlfriends are months/years into walking on eggshells around them. He’s also completely bullshitting when he says he only fancies you now he’s in a relationship - this is actually classic laying down the foundations of gaslighting behaviour. Please don’t carry this one on, you will regret it.

Run like the wind.

Nothing wrong with the game but crass to do it with your mates in front of your partner unless they're all in and taking part as well.

I think we all know that if a woman came on here to complain that when she was out with her boyfriend and his mates in the pub and they started playing Shag Marry Avoid with Zendaya or whoever, the response would be a unanimous ick and LTB.

All that said I think his reaction is hugely OTT. Being a bit annoyed would be justified but shouting at you and turning it into a row is red flag territory.

Lol, what the responses would be if it was men seedily sexualising female celebrities. Like that scene in Notting Hill where the men in the restaurant are saying how they'd like Anna.

Um, I think you were definitely rude, op. And he has demonstrated an aggressive and pissy response when his ego takes a hit.

Call it a day, Op. Nothing good will come of this.