Shag, Marry, Avoid - Disrespectful in front of BF?

[SausageDogForChristmas]

Early in my relationship with boyfriend (one month/6 weeks in) Big night out with all my friends and a few mutual friends. A bit tipsy and my friends and I started playing shag, marry, avoid with celebrity names, some ridiculous suggestions, all light hearted fun. Looked over and BFs face was like thunder. He was furious and really angry. He went to storm off and mutual friends stopped him. He shouted at me that I was extremely disrespectful, I’m supposed to be his girlfriend. We all then went for a meal and the atmosphere was awful. He was barely speaking to me, a few of my friends tried talking to him and we went outside and I had to explain that it was just a bit of fun. Lighthearted and I didn’t mean to upset him. I wouldn’t care if he had done it.

AIBU? Was I disrespectful? It was just lighthearted fun. He did similar where I admitted to fancying a certain celebrity/singer. Refused to speak to me for hours, we had a horrible row.

Yep the responses would be completely different if blokes had discussed which celeb they would shag.

In what way is he controlling?

Shag, marry, avoid (and its variants) are not in the same league as leering over an individual. We’re talking beautiful, unattainable Hollywood types, not Dave next door who might be easy on the eyes and have reason to cause jealousy. Did this game whilst tipsy a few months ago, my friend was surprised her husbands choice was a celeb 25 years older than her but all laughed it off!

This sounds like a description of my mum when I was a child … my God these people make you miserable !

This is the sort of thing that would have really upset me at 18 but not now in my 30's

The sulking and mood changing over a silly game. Telling the op she only ‘ever loved’ him, despite the shortness of the relationship, a huge amount of emotional manipulation being described in every post. He’s absolutely controlling, couldn’t be a redder flag from what the op has said.

So it’s an issue for you because you felt really embarrassed but you disrespecting him, you’re ok with that? You shouldn’t need to be taken to one side to know that’s not acceptable.
You deserve to be embarrassed, why anyone think that’s ok to play in front of a partner. He felt disrespected and embarrassed. Yeh it’s a bit extreme to storm off but he’s every right to be upset

Are you the boyfriend 🤨

This 👆 100%

Pub games and party games are childish. Thats why people like them. They are just silky, social, fun. The fact that he felt disrespected by the absurdity of women joking about Mr Bean or or even about romance itself is the issue. He could not tolerate a jovial, convivial, party game because he is controlling and insecure.

But we didn’t have any of that information when the controlling arse comment was made. Someone just called him that with little information. Of course he’s going to be upset over that whether it’s a silly game or not

Why because I know what’s appropriate and what isn’t?

I am not insecure, I don’t like objectifying other people in a sexual way, whether famous or not, male or female. Personally I think discussing who you would shag or not is immature and crass. I would expect that behaviour from teenagers not grown adults.
I have not come across any adults playing this game, I must have very boring and insecure friends 🤣

He's controlling, over-sensitive with no sense of humour.

There are so many red flags here. He's a possessive, immature nightmare. He keeps making you tell him he's the only man you've ever loved? What the hell is wrong with him? And the fact that he embarrassed you like being such a total dick in front of all your friends is absolutely horrible.

Shag Marry Avoid is really, really not disrespectful and I genuinely don't think I know any man - or woman - who would react like that. It's perfectly normal and healthy to joke about things like that, and it's perfectly normal and healthy to have a little crush on a celebrity too. It's not a serious discussion about whether we'd cheat with a famous person ffs. It's a joke, like a would-you-rather thing. I have played this game with my friends when some of the suggestions have been Muppets and Disney characters ffs!!

But this is not really the issue anyway; the issue is that your boyfriend has major controlling/abusive vibes and you need to get rid of him pronto. You are always, always going to be walking on eggshells with this man and it will get to the point where you're isolated from your mates and you can't have a laugh for fear of his reaction. Please end it, OP. I could not be more serious. I have been in this sort of situation myself and I wish I'd ended it before things got really bad.

Is this someone who tries to tell you how to dress, how to spend your time or who to be friends with? Does he justify his actions by saying “it’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust others”. Does he often respond to anything he doesn’t like with the silent treatment or other forms of punishment and only improves when you’re compliant? If so you’re likely in an abusive relationship.

It’s not a little information, the following posts about what he’s said to the op cements controlling behaviour. ‘I’m the only one you’ve ever loved aren’t I?’ - that by itself is a ‘walk away now’ statement. And ruining a whole night because he doesn’t like a game involving people the op has never met and highly likely never will is very poor behaviour in itself. Adults don’t sulk and give the silent treatment like that over silly drinking games.

Well how are things going?

Does he regularly give you the silent treatment and/or make things feel awkward?

Are you still allowed to see the friends who you were joking with or does he deem them a bad influence and you feel worried to suggest seeing them?

I'll be honest he's throwing out some bad vives from what you've disclosed and very much reminds me of a previous relationship I was in

I also want to point out that it doesn’t make sense to try to play gender reverse “gotcha” here and accuse people of hypocrisy if they (hypothetically) might have a different response to sn all male group bonding iver this game and a mixed sex group playing it as the OP describes.

First of all this started as a very macho boys game “Marry/Fuck/Kill” in which gf types have to hit both marry and fuck in order to avoid the “kill” pile. The implicit judgment and potential danger to the rejected party is one of those jokes that gets a laugh because its so close to the truth—men do routinely decide marry/fuck and some even kill. Women are more likely to (in real life) marry/fuck/run away.

Second of all this game, like all these types of games, can be homosocial and misogynistic or flirty/silly/inclusive. Oin OP’s telling this was a flirty/jokey/absurdist firm of the game.

I just don’t think its the same situation as the hypothetical men rating women for hot/not version which men routinely play with each other as a form of homosocial, exclusionary, banter.

Well I thibk it was inappropriate and tacky and I would hate it if someone I was with did that.
However his angry and sulky reaction and the other things you have said about him are massive red flags and a much more important issue imo

Op get rid of him now.
I play the same game with my mates nothing wrong with it.
But 6 weeks in hes showing you who he is if someone shows you who they are belive them and run.

I would not have felt comfortable listening to a boyfriend and his mates discussing which celebrity they want to shag. So I can see why he wouldn't have been very happy.

But his reaction was not acceptable and from other things you have said (constantly wanting reassurance, has moved around a lot in the past) I would be taking a long hard look at this relationship. It may be that in all other respects he is fine, just a bit insecure at times (and most of us are from time to time), so fine and crack on. But if you have other doubts, then give it some thought.

This will NOT be the last time he gives you hassle like this. If you don't let him know next time if he repeats this behaviour you're gone. I know his type. Never ending jealousy etc etc etc

This

Chuck him back. If someone did this too me he wouldn't be my bf long.