For giving my sister the new baby gifts I received instead of the new one's?

[jitih]

First time posting because I had something I really needed to get other opinions on.

When my husband and I had our first baby my in-laws hosted a baby shower for us and we received many gifts from our families and friends (Mostly our friends and his family). We saved a majority of these items for our next baby. However my in-laws again decided to throw us another baby shower for our second. They and our friends were very generous and bought us so many gifts we basically have duplicates of everything.

My sister is also expecting. She is not having a baby shower an likely won't be receiving many gifts. I did buy her one gift, but we also decided to offer her the old baby things since we didn't need them anymore. My sister, however, was insulted that we only offered her the old things for her baby. She thinks I'm trying to outdo her again and insinuating that her baby isn't as important and that my baby deserves more than hers since we're saving the new things for him. I tried to say that wasn't the case, but she questioned why we didn't want to use the old things for our second baby.

Is it unreasonable that I want to use the new stuff just because it's new. They were gifts given for our baby after all, not my sister's. I almost feel like it would be insulting to my husband's family and our friends to not use these new gifts and give them away.

They’re your gifts so do what you want with them. I think she’s unreasonable to ask, but I don’t understand either of your mentalities of just wanting something because they are new. Personally I’d like to reuse for a second baby as they’d have a meaning to me and as she’s not getting anything new for her new baby is like to be able to do that for her if I was in a position to. I do think she’s very impolite asking though.

Edited to say: I misread, i read SIL not sister. I would have no qualms doing this for my sister if I thought she wouldn’t be getting anything new and it both means so much to you both having new things.

I do feel for her but you can't give away gifts that were given to you for your kids and I'm surprised she asked. Can you not arrange a baby shower for her? What about the rest of your family?

Of course you can!

I can see both sides. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong but I can see how it would jar for her under your widely different circumstances. I’d just let it drop now. If she decides she does want the second hand stuff after all, she’ll have swallow her pride.

YANBU to want to use the new stuff you were given. You bought her a gift and offered her (I assume clean, undamaged) second hand items (which she clearly thinks are good enough for your second baby). She can accept or not. Up to her. If she doesn't, great, you have back-up items. Also, you have lovely in-laws and friends, don't insult them by not using what they've given you.

I would be happy to get secondhand stuff.
You tried. Leave it.

We don't have a very big family and there wouldn't be many people to invite to hers. Also the people who would be invited have already given her gifts. So a party like that would be a little awkward.

Has she always been entitled?

So she already has gifts from people? She just wants more? That puts it in a very different light!

If I had taken the time to choose a nice gift for someone's new baby I'd be a bit hurt to find out they'd immediately given it away.

Better left on a shelf unused?

Dose she know that the second set of new stuff were gifts you didn't expect? If she thinks that you had decided the first stuff wasn't good enough to re-use, so brought new instead, then I can see why it could come across as "this isn't good enough for our baby, but fine for riff-raff like yours".

To be fair she has only gotten 3-4 gifts. Aside from mine they were smaller things too.

She was at my shower when and I was definitely surprised when I got them.

We are going to use everything.

She's being entitled. Those gifts are for your baby. She doesn't get a say.

You don't need those gifts at all yet you accepted them, pretty wasteful and poor for the planet?

What's the backstory here, are you close to your sister, do you get on well or do you compete?

I'd be pretty hacked off if my sister took a load of new stuff she didn't need and then said "here, have my old shit for your PFB". Not very loving or kind. More showing off / lording it. Sorry.

Ooh with the update that she attended your shower but won't get one of her own - ouch. That is incredibly unkind.

The gifts were given to you for your baby.

I would be grateful for any regifted items from my family.

I feel like there’s a backstory of sibling rivalry and jealousy. I’d be very surprised if this is just about a few baby gifts.

Why don't you give her a mix of the new and old? What sort of things are they? I'd have given the new to be honest, knowing she didn't have many gifts and it's her first baby.

She's not entitled to the gifts that were given to you. If she doesn't want the used stuff she doesn't have to take it. It was nice of you to offer. Why is her baby entitled to the things that were given to you for yours? She sounds incredibly childish.

I feel like it would have been very rude not to accept the gifts. I also don't plan on throwing out the old things either. If my sister ends up not wanting any of it I will look into donating so it won't be wasted.

Generally we get along. I think there may have been some jealousy issues that started to arise when I started seeing my husband and being around new people.

I read all the way down expecting your inlaws to be the ones offended you were giving away gifts! Your sister is ungrateful, you have items from your first child that are available thst you have kindly offered, it would be very insulting to your in laws to give away the new gifts and keep the old ones.
She can either get over herself or go without.

But why is the sister entitled to the gifts that were given to the OP from her own extended family and friends. It is not the OP's fault that her sister didn't have a baby shower. She has given her a load of stuff that was presumably still in good nick. There's nothing wrong with second hand and the sister sounds ungrateful.

And as for "you accepted them"... I mean, do you actually go around rejecting gifts from people if it's not something you are in immediate need of? Are you saying this is what the OP should have done at her baby shower?