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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For giving my sister the new baby gifts I received instead of the new one's?

132 replies

jitih · 12/12/2024 19:56

First time posting because I had something I really needed to get other opinions on.

When my husband and I had our first baby my in-laws hosted a baby shower for us and we received many gifts from our families and friends (Mostly our friends and his family). We saved a majority of these items for our next baby. However my in-laws again decided to throw us another baby shower for our second. They and our friends were very generous and bought us so many gifts we basically have duplicates of everything.

My sister is also expecting. She is not having a baby shower an likely won't be receiving many gifts. I did buy her one gift, but we also decided to offer her the old baby things since we didn't need them anymore. My sister, however, was insulted that we only offered her the old things for her baby. She thinks I'm trying to outdo her again and insinuating that her baby isn't as important and that my baby deserves more than hers since we're saving the new things for him. I tried to say that wasn't the case, but she questioned why we didn't want to use the old things for our second baby.

Is it unreasonable that I want to use the new stuff just because it's new. They were gifts given for our baby after all, not my sister's. I almost feel like it would be insulting to my husband's family and our friends to not use these new gifts and give them away.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 13/12/2024 16:18

AnotherDayComeMonday · 13/12/2024 11:23

I'd imagine her DS is a bit miffed that OP is offering her second hand items after she'd had another baby shower, it was tactless for OP to offer the old items.

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OP said that her sister mentioned being worried about the cost of getting everything they needed so this is why she offered the second hand items. I assume that they were in reasonable condition as OP was going to use them before she was given all new items at her baby shower.

Rowen32 · 13/12/2024 17:09

InterIgnis · 13/12/2024 14:28

Since when did any of us ‘need’ something in order to want and/or have to?

Anyway, OP offered perfectly good items for the sister to use, reducing waste, so why did she need to offer the new ones? Giving the new ones away doesn’t reduce waste any more than giving away the older ones does.

All the items have been and will be used by the intended recipient - OP and the baby. Accepting gifts from your in laws and immediately turning around to give them away is only going to result in bad feeling.

Tbh I don’t think the sister would be any less resentful of OP regardless of whether she got the new or old stuff. In both situations she’s the recipient of her wealthier sister’s charity.

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Totally not pushed to reply, I don't care that much, agreeing to disagree 😅 I would be delighted to give my sister the new items 🤷‍♀️

IlkaDoxie · 13/12/2024 23:59

Purplebunnie · 12/12/2024 21:57

It's not the OP's fault she has generous IL's who wanted to throw 2 baby showers.

And I would be really pissed if I had bought a gift for someone and they gave it to their sibling.

And why shouldn't OPs second baby have new things as well as the OPs first baby? Why does a 2nd baby always have to have hand me downs

👆This with bells on

LookItsMeAgain · 14/12/2024 10:23

Spirallingdownwards · 12/12/2024 21:08

Not unreasonable whether 18 months or 10 years.

She offered some items. Sister can say say yes or no. She (sister) can't ask for items that weren't offered .

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If the baby equipment are old bottles or even a car seat, you don't want them after 10 years as the plastic may be leaking chemicals inside and the car seat won't be as safe/secure after 10 years, so I stand by my 18 months vs 10 yrs (I realise that it's a bit of an extreme example but you will get my drift here), that's where giving something old vs brand new could be seen as getting rid of their very old and tired kit to the sister and they have the luxury of having a completely new kit for the new baby but the sister won't.

I'm not the sister here.

Would there be any way that you could give your sister one or two of the new items mixed in with the older items @jitih?

saraclara · 14/12/2024 10:48

Rowen32 · 13/12/2024 17:09

Totally not pushed to reply, I don't care that much, agreeing to disagree 😅 I would be delighted to give my sister the new items 🤷‍♀️

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I wonder if those lovingly giving you the gifts would be as thrilled to discover that they' spent their hard earned money on someone who's almost a stranger.

When I was choosing baby gifts for my daughter, it was with love, and imagining my new grandchild in those clothes/that pram, and my daughter using the equipment. I'd be absolutely gutted if she cared so little that she instantly gave them away without a thought.

Spirallingdownwards · 14/12/2024 16:16

LookItsMeAgain · 14/12/2024 10:23

If the baby equipment are old bottles or even a car seat, you don't want them after 10 years as the plastic may be leaking chemicals inside and the car seat won't be as safe/secure after 10 years, so I stand by my 18 months vs 10 yrs (I realise that it's a bit of an extreme example but you will get my drift here), that's where giving something old vs brand new could be seen as getting rid of their very old and tired kit to the sister and they have the luxury of having a completely new kit for the new baby but the sister won't.

I'm not the sister here.

Would there be any way that you could give your sister one or two of the new items mixed in with the older items @jitih?

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Cool sister can buy her own new stuff where age is an issue and either accept or not accept the other donations if she wants. Either way she doesn't get the new gifts to her sister's second baby.

Rowen32 · 14/12/2024 16:53

saraclara · 14/12/2024 10:48

I wonder if those lovingly giving you the gifts would be as thrilled to discover that they' spent their hard earned money on someone who's almost a stranger.

When I was choosing baby gifts for my daughter, it was with love, and imagining my new grandchild in those clothes/that pram, and my daughter using the equipment. I'd be absolutely gutted if she cared so little that she instantly gave them away without a thought.

Edited
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I think we all need to agree to disagree 😆also I wouldn't be buying someone items they already had!

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