For giving my sister the new baby gifts I received instead of the new one's?

[jitih]

First time posting because I had something I really needed to get other opinions on.

When my husband and I had our first baby my in-laws hosted a baby shower for us and we received many gifts from our families and friends (Mostly our friends and his family). We saved a majority of these items for our next baby. However my in-laws again decided to throw us another baby shower for our second. They and our friends were very generous and bought us so many gifts we basically have duplicates of everything.

My sister is also expecting. She is not having a baby shower an likely won't be receiving many gifts. I did buy her one gift, but we also decided to offer her the old baby things since we didn't need them anymore. My sister, however, was insulted that we only offered her the old things for her baby. She thinks I'm trying to outdo her again and insinuating that her baby isn't as important and that my baby deserves more than hers since we're saving the new things for him. I tried to say that wasn't the case, but she questioned why we didn't want to use the old things for our second baby.

Is it unreasonable that I want to use the new stuff just because it's new. They were gifts given for our baby after all, not my sister's. I almost feel like it would be insulting to my husband's family and our friends to not use these new gifts and give them away.

I didn’t think people had 2 baby showers. Don’t you typically have a much smaller event the second time since you were given a lot of stuff the first time?

You would lack any basic manners if you did.

Would you seriously look your friends and family in the eye, at a baby shower thst they had organised and you hadn't asked for, and say, oh , thanks for the gifts but I don't want them so you can take them away?! That is outrageously rude!!! If they had asked and OP had made a gift list then yes, that would be pretty greedy asking for unnecessary items. But it sounds like these were surprise gifts.
And turning around and re gifting the new items would be barely any better unless you are sure they'd never know.
I mean, surplus consumables like nappies/wipes/creams etc maybe. But re gifting in front of the givers is rude

It sound to me like the sister is resentful that the OP has inlaws that are either wealthier or more generous than her immediate family and she's Jealous/judgy for her marrying into a 'better' family.

But it won't be unused, the OP has said she will use them for the 2nd baby, as intended by the givers. It just means she has items from the first baby now spare.
Handing on good used baby items within the family is perfectly normal surely?

This ^
I would be very offended. The right thing is - you give her a gift from you and then you offer her your old items which you don’t need anymore but not as a gift but just because you don’t need them anymore if she doesn’t want them - fair enough it’s up to her.
Your baby and her baby are going to have a lot of differences in life due to having different parents.

I would have given the New stuff to my sister and passed dc1 baby stuff to dc2. That's what most people do. I think you could have given her the New stuff for her first baby so she could pass it down to the second (if there will be one). But your sister was rude to call you out on it. I would have said "Thanks sis but I prefer getting new stuff for my baby." Gifts should not be expected. So basically I think both of you are in the wrong..

I didn't think so either, but my in-laws wanted to and it was surprise.

Personally I would want to use my old things with sentimental value, rather than have new.
I love looking at my kiddies in photos with the same cuddly/toy/clothes 😊
But that doesn't mean your sister can demand the new items either.
No right/wrong answer

If it was my sister and I'd already been lucky enough to get new things the first time round while she never did, no way would i pass her my castoffs. I'd keep those for my child and give her the new things that i already had.

Also your old things look & feel different to you as you had them from new and they have nice memories from your older child.

To her they are just second hand stuff.

I would want to reuse what I already had as feel it would be wasteful to use new ones simply because they're new so would be more than happy to get rid of the new stuff

And this

After that she would get the grand sum of heehaw off me and the spare stuff would be donated to a local woman's aid charity.

Of course you shouldn't give your gifts away! And it's lovely of you to offer your dc stuff to your sister alternatively you could donate it to charity or sell it. Your sister sounds a bit entitled. I wouldn't back down.

Of course you don’t have to give up your new things but wouldn’t it be lovely to think my sister doesn’t have as much as me so I will give her some of my new bits and make her feel that she and her baby are special. I would happily do that for my sister but then I love her. You seem rather smug that you have been given so much more and that your in-laws seem to have money to waste.

Of course she accepted them.
Why would she insult her in laws by refusing them?

As for her dsis she’s got no say on op’s stuff so she can either say thank you or not.
And the ‘old’ stuff is unused, so perfectly good.

I would have given at least some of the new stuff to my sister yes. You don't have an obligation to do it, and she's a bit entitled to ask; but I would definitely give her the new stuff rather than donate my stuff and use new for me. For sure.

Yes exactly this

She doesn't have to accept your used baby clothes if she doesn't want them, but what right has she to expect the new things?
Also, if you gave your gifts away, you'd probably have been on here with a 'PILs offended as I gave all their baby gifts away to my sister'...

Why? Better to bin it or give to charity?

I can kind of see her point but the new gifts were never being offered.

What stuff are we talking anyway? Nappy changing mat? Like how much new stuff have you been given?

She is bonkers. The new items are gifts to you/your baby. As in most families you are are offering her other items you have finished with which will go to charity if she doesn't want them.

OK Sis if you don't want them you don't have to have them but you don't get the new gifts so you choose nothing.

I think you both have point but it was a little cheeky of her to be openly offended at your still generous offer.

For the sake of family harmony could you do a bit of both? Keep the new that you really like - or that might be noticed by the gift giver if you don't use it. And give her a combination of a few of the newer items in with the older ones?

If I was a friend who had given you a gift and you just gave it away to your sister I would consider that incredibly rude and wouldn't bother getting you anything in future.