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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I always feel like a coward for not challenging SIL

128 replies

Hour · 12/12/2024 15:34

SIL is about 10 years older than me. She is extremely extroverted and forthright with her opinions. Very opinionated. I annoy myself by being so much on the fence. I don’t think my world view is the ONLY right view the way SIL does. She is very opinionated on things I don’t even think about or care to have an opinion. Sometimes I feel almost like a coward for not challenging SIL. To me a) I don’t really care b)it’s not worth having this gobby person turn their attention towards me.

For example, the other day SIL was telling her teen daughter that so many teen mum’s claim that they have kids young, so they will be young enough to travel and see the world when they are mid 30s. SIL said it’s rubbish cause all teen mums age in dog years (exact words) due to the stress of being a young mum and often on their own. SIL said kids suck all your beauty out of you (as a new-ish mum I do agree with that bit). Even if you are a teen. She was basically telling niece not to waste her youth. Enjoy a bikini body with saggy boobs and stretch marks. That was her main point. This is not the only time where she gets to run her mouth. I felt so awkward because my neighbour opposite is doing her absolute best whilst living with her parents and new baby. I would feel awful if she ever heard such views.

I feel bad that I never speak up against this gobshite. Does anyone else have a big mouth in their family who they literally cannot be bothered to challenge? She just loves the sound of her voice and is thoroughly impressed with her own intelligence. SIL and brother are quite odd in that their whole family does just end up sitting in their kitchen doing nothing but talking about hypotheticals. I guess it’s good because they are a chatty family but it does mean so much shit is spoken

OP posts:
MaybeALittle · 12/12/2024 15:35

Why are you so afraid of her?

Comedycook · 12/12/2024 15:36

I don't see that what she said was so wrong.

Putting her DD off being a teen mum sounds pretty sensible to me.

theeyeofdoe · 12/12/2024 15:36

Surely she's got a point though, it's not a good idea to have a baby when you're a teenager.

Feelinadequate23 · 12/12/2024 15:36

She's entitled to her views. If you don't agree with them, that's fine. It doesn't sound like she's being judgemental of your choices, so just ignore her if you can't be bothered to push back.

ThisJollyLimeBird · 12/12/2024 15:37

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ZekeZeke · 12/12/2024 15:37

I agree with your SIL

Hour · 12/12/2024 15:37

theeyeofdoe · 12/12/2024 15:36

Surely she's got a point though, it's not a good idea to have a baby when you're a teenager.

Well it was just an example of the last thing that she said that was rude

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ThisJollyLimeBird · 12/12/2024 15:37

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Alalalala · 12/12/2024 15:37

She’s trying to put her daughter off a teenager pregnancy so I don’t think what she said is too outlandish.

Do you feel any envy around her vitality/forthrightness?

Drearycommuter · 12/12/2024 15:37

This is the sort of thing I'd say to my teen daughter.

Any other examples?

Alalalala · 12/12/2024 15:38

Yes this isn’t a good example, if you’re trying to reflect her being obnoxious.

ThisJollyLimeBird · 12/12/2024 15:38

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ThisJollyLimeBird · 12/12/2024 15:39

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Hour · 12/12/2024 15:39

SIL just thinks her opinions are the right ones. And she’s more than happy to share them even with people who don’t care ie me!

it’s tedious

OP posts:
Narkacist · 12/12/2024 15:39

I think you have correctly reasoned that she’s not worth arguing with. She wouldn’t change her mind. Most people would suggest avoiding teen pregnancy, but probably it’s the way she expresses it that makes you want to express a different opinion.

aviatorsrus · 12/12/2024 15:40

Any other examples? Do you like her at all?

ThisJollyLimeBird · 12/12/2024 15:40

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ThisJollyLimeBird · 12/12/2024 15:40

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Onlyonekenobe · 12/12/2024 15:43

Why do you feel responsible for her opinions? Why do you think it's your job to challenge them?

Are you just trying to say that you find her annoying, opinionated, disagreeable - and that's it? Because it's okay if you do.

Hour · 12/12/2024 15:45

They even googled women off that MTV show and she showed images to prove her point! It’s just nasty and unnecessary. But because mumsnet loves berating posters this behaviour is going to be deemed acceptable. Even if it was done in front of a 13 yo girl and tween boys.

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ThisJollyLimeBird · 12/12/2024 15:45

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ThisJollyLimeBird · 12/12/2024 15:46

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Pottedpalm · 12/12/2024 15:47

Another ‘I hate my SiL thread’. Sisters in law must be overtaking mothers in law as most reviled.

ThisJollyLimeBird · 12/12/2024 15:47

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Comedycook · 12/12/2024 15:47

SIL just thinks her opinions are the right ones

Everyone think that their own opinions are the right ones.