I always feel like a coward for not challenging SIL

[Hour]

SIL is about 10 years older than me. She is extremely extroverted and forthright with her opinions. Very opinionated. I annoy myself by being so much on the fence. I don’t think my world view is the ONLY right view the way SIL does. She is very opinionated on things I don’t even think about or care to have an opinion. Sometimes I feel almost like a coward for not challenging SIL. To me a) I don’t really care b)it’s not worth having this gobby person turn their attention towards me.

For example, the other day SIL was telling her teen daughter that so many teen mum’s claim that they have kids young, so they will be young enough to travel and see the world when they are mid 30s. SIL said it’s rubbish cause all teen mums age in dog years (exact words) due to the stress of being a young mum and often on their own. SIL said kids suck all your beauty out of you (as a new-ish mum I do agree with that bit). Even if you are a teen. She was basically telling niece not to waste her youth. Enjoy a bikini body with saggy boobs and stretch marks. That was her main point. This is not the only time where she gets to run her mouth. I felt so awkward because my neighbour opposite is doing her absolute best whilst living with her parents and new baby. I would feel awful if she ever heard such views.

I feel bad that I never speak up against this gobshite. Does anyone else have a big mouth in their family who they literally cannot be bothered to challenge? She just loves the sound of her voice and is thoroughly impressed with her own intelligence. SIL and brother are quite odd in that their whole family does just end up sitting in their kitchen doing nothing but talking about hypotheticals. I guess it’s good because they are a chatty family but it does mean so much shit is spoken

I don't think I would have enjoyed that kind of talk either but honestly having a grumpy in law making a face in your family home is sooooo incredibly annoying!

You should have challenged with the news of your neighbour. You'd still have made it clear that teen pregnancy isn't the easiest journey to motherhood.

Wanting to ask her to shut her bloody mouth is pretty awful!

@Hour " SIL and brother are quite odd in that their whole family does just end up sitting in their kitchen doing nothing but talking about hypotheticals. I guess it’s good because they are a chatty family but it does mean so much shit is spoken"

To be honest, I don't see what's odd about this....

I don't understand? Firstly, she wasn't even speaking to you. Secondly...is the opinion that it's best not to get pregnant as a teen really that outrageous?! Does it actually go against your "world view"?

MORE EXAMPLES PLS. I really thought you'd describe some insane political stuff.

Wrt your teen mum neighbour - is she ever at yours at the same time as sister in law?

This essentially boils down to “your family don’t love you”, which is an insane thing to say to a stranger on the internet.

It is, but just report her. She’s a banned poster that makes new accounts every single day and rampages across the boards. She’s completely unhinged so there’s no point in engaging with her. Just report so that the mods can ban this latest account.

I suspect she was using an argument that would work on her teen DD - looks. If that's what her DD cares most about right now (rightly or wrongly) it would be a good deterrent, rather than you can't go to school/get a mortgage /whatever.

Do you disagree with the principle, that teen pregnancies aren't ideal or at least a good thing, or just the method?

I do agree with you though, that there's a tome and place for these discussions. Surrounded by wider family, including younger children/pre teens is not one of them.

Your options are to ignore , or to combat her arguments with reasonable, well arguments of your own.

In this example "I don't think teen pregnancies are a good thing and it involves a lot of hard work and struggles, but I don't think focusing on looks is a good thing. Having a baby as a teen can ruin a lot more than your body ."
Then change the subject.

Do you think you might be taking it so badly because you feel inadequate not having opinions of your own, what with being so on the fence about things that you annoy yourself?

But because mumsnet loves berating posters this behaviour is going to be deemed acceptable.

You're doing yourselves absolutely no favours attacking the population of Mumsnet with things like this 🤣
So because your post isn’t going the way you want it to (basically you’re being told you’re in the wrong and you don’t like it), you turn on the attack.

It seems you’re the problem SIL.

Put your toys back in your pram, pop your big girl pants on, and accept that world is made up of different types of people-which includes people that are vocal with their opinions, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this.

As a side note-I don’t disagree with anything your SIL said.

You sound like my sister in law, has never had an opinion about anything in her life! I would rather people have some way out views and generate conversation than have someone sit there like they have a poker shoved up their backside!

SIL said kids suck all your beauty out of you (as a new-ish mum I do agree with that bit).

Sounds just as odd as your SIL's opinions!

Don't see what the issue is here.
It's none of your business what she says to her daughter. In fact, good on her for trying to put her off being a teen mum! I wish someone would have done this to me. I was pregnant with my son at 19 and could have done with someone having this talk with me in my teen years. Are you a teenager? If not I can't see why you've taken offence to it tbh.

I wouldn’t bother challenging her really. It’s not cowardly to not engage with it. It’s kind of wise!

Absolutely no way would I engage in any of her gobby rants about hypothetical stuff she knows nothing about. You can’t change her. You can control your own involvement in arguing about nothing - just don’t do it.

Teens are often quite into their image. Telling your teen that if they had a baby they’d likely end up with saggy boobs and loose skin (which is often the case) is a good way to put them off wanting to have a baby anytime soon. She was talking to her teen about the impact a baby could have on her body. Not to you. I don’t get why you’re so bothered.

You don't like this woman. She sounds fine to me, but you don't like her and that's what matters.

Stop hanging out round her place. Find another place to be and avoid.

People talk shit in their own homes.

A family that sits in the kitchen and chews the fat sounds like a healthy one to me.

I've invented a new drinking game: every time a Mumsnet user slags off Mumsnet users, take a drink.

I will not be held responsible for the resulting liver damage.

everyone has a gob shite in their family - mine is also SIL. I think you are doing the right thing by keeping quiet on things you aren’t bothered about - it’s not worth your energy - just find a way to tune her out.
if it is something you care about or she offends you you could just reply ‘that’s a bit mean/ rude/ insensitive etc’ and call her out on it - but again it’s how much do you care and how much of your energy are you willing to put into it? My SIL will never change - so I tune her out and limit time around her. Me and DH also play a ‘bingo’ game where before a meet up we guess what the hot topic will be that she has an opinion on that day!

I've played that game. It's called Get Your Stomach Pumped In A&E.

It's a little crude but hardly worth getting furious over. I for one do agree with her, but that's neither here nor there - she was just sharing her opinion

I agree with you OP. Sounds like she was body shaming other women to her teenage daughter. Not a good example, even if it was with the intention of putting her off being a teen mum.

You ask why you don’t challenge her - only you can answer that. But don’t feel bad, it is quite difficult to stand up to loud and opinionated people and plenty don’t bother.

I know someone very similar, and she's an idiot with way too many baseless opinions and everyone thinks so.

Your SIL probably thinks you don't even have any opinions, so unless you challenge her, you'll just be a spectator for evermore.