I always feel like a coward for not challenging SIL

[Hour]

SIL is about 10 years older than me. She is extremely extroverted and forthright with her opinions. Very opinionated. I annoy myself by being so much on the fence. I don’t think my world view is the ONLY right view the way SIL does. She is very opinionated on things I don’t even think about or care to have an opinion. Sometimes I feel almost like a coward for not challenging SIL. To me a) I don’t really care b)it’s not worth having this gobby person turn their attention towards me.

For example, the other day SIL was telling her teen daughter that so many teen mum’s claim that they have kids young, so they will be young enough to travel and see the world when they are mid 30s. SIL said it’s rubbish cause all teen mums age in dog years (exact words) due to the stress of being a young mum and often on their own. SIL said kids suck all your beauty out of you (as a new-ish mum I do agree with that bit). Even if you are a teen. She was basically telling niece not to waste her youth. Enjoy a bikini body with saggy boobs and stretch marks. That was her main point. This is not the only time where she gets to run her mouth. I felt so awkward because my neighbour opposite is doing her absolute best whilst living with her parents and new baby. I would feel awful if she ever heard such views.

I feel bad that I never speak up against this gobshite. Does anyone else have a big mouth in their family who they literally cannot be bothered to challenge? She just loves the sound of her voice and is thoroughly impressed with her own intelligence. SIL and brother are quite odd in that their whole family does just end up sitting in their kitchen doing nothing but talking about hypotheticals. I guess it’s good because they are a chatty family but it does mean so much shit is spoken

She's entitled to her opinions, you don't have to agree with her. You can just ignore her and carry on. I don't see any reason to challenge her.

What she said is sensible. Your example is weak because I would say similar to my teen dd.

You are on here calling her a gobshite so not exactly coming off well yourself tbh.

Ummm - what she said sounds sensible?! I would absolutely tell my teenager that. It sounds you dont like her, have a chip on your shoulder about her, and so everything she says is irritating you.

Oh so it’s okay now to make fun of women’s looks in front of children no less?

I'm struggling to understand what was so bad, yeah it's not how I would have expressed it but putting your child off becoming a teen mum is pretty sensible.

Out of curiosity, as you say you wish you would have challenged her. how would you have done so? would you have come with a pro list to tell your niece about why becoming a teen mum is great actually?

I was a teen mum ( and married, I know it sounds mad in 2024)
I wouldn’t recommend it as a life choice but I wouldn’t put a teenager off by running down mums who are teens. Being a good mum is hard work whatever your age and parents can be good or bad whatever age they are.
I encouraged my DDs to think of university, choosing what they’d do , where they’d go, same as I say now to dgc. I certainly wouldn’t use body shaming as a reason.

Exactly it’s unbecoming behaviour to point out how haggard a teen mum looks. Just nasty!

I wish I could have told her to shut her bloody mouth

Why didn't you then if you thought what she was saying was so dreadful?

I don't think it would matter what opinion your SIL expressed. You don't like her.

The funny thing is that you are every bit as opinionated as she is - you just put it on the internet rather than the kitchen table

Telling someone to shut their bloody mouth isn't all that 'becoming'.

I mean the teen pregnancy thing sounds good not going to lie and showing her how teen mums now loon 10/15 years later again not to shabby.

We try to put people off unsafe sex by showing horrible images of stds in schools.

She’s hardly going to big up being a teen a mum. Hell I was one and I let my children know it 100% changed my entire body and turned me grey genuinely sucked all the goodness right out of me. Wouldn’t change them but damn right I’d be pointing out the flaws to my daughters about their bodies and hobbies and such.

You sound charming. I think I’d prefer your SIL.

It is generally accepted that teenagers should be focused on their education and not be having babies (by accident??) . So she is right. What is that to do with your neighbour?

That's not really a reasoned argument is it. Like it or not, your SIL has an opinion on the subject which she explained. If your only response is "shut your bloody mouth" rather than "my poor neighbour is back living with her parents because her shitbag partner walked out" you look a bit silly. Challenge by all means but "shut your bloody mouth" tends to indicate you have no reasonable challenge.

I agree op, your sil sounds opinionated and not even correct.
I wouldn’t have wanted my dd to be a teen mum but using nasty examples of saggy bodies and aging in dog years is uncalled for.
It’s wrong too. My dsis had her dc at 19 and 21. Her body sprang back a lot better than mine and her pelvic floor is certainly stronger.

Saying young mothers age in dog years is disgustingly misogynistic. The comments about bikini bodies, sagging and stretch marks are also horrible and it's depressing that she's encouraging her daughter towards that sort of visceral revulsion at women's natural bodies. Does she want her to measure her worth against how perfect her figure is? There are much better ways to discourage teenage pregnancy. The woman is a prat and I would be avoiding her as much as possible.

Choose to not spend time with someone you don't like. I'm sure she won't mind.
'shut your bloody mouth' is a strange thing to want to say.

I have an unfortunate SIL. She's obsessed with nostalgia, we hear the same tiresome childhood stories over and over. I want to shout 'repeat, repeat' but keep quiet.
One game I play is see how many cups of tea I can get down her without saying the word 'tea'
Who's for a brew
I'll put the kettle on. Etc

My record is six in two hours, apparently she had to stop in a service station and she's less than 20 mins away.

If you don't like what she says then yes, say so.
What's the worst that could happen?

Actually I have a SIL who can be extremely opinionated and sometimes I’ll challenge her and sometimes not. We belong to a small group that meet a few times a year and involves wine and honestly she often embarrasses herself with some of her views.

For example she absolutely HATES the local fee paying schools and adores the school her DC went to. But conveniently forgets that they also paid for fee paying prep. And often has strong views on medical matters when she has limited insight or knowledge and two of the group are professionals.

However it’s part of who she is and not worth a fall out. I probably (definitely) annoy her too sometimes.😂

Exactly. OP, if you find your SIL's opinions objectionable, say so. The sky will not fall in. She'll either defend her position, or, just possibly, say 'Hmm, you're right. I didn't think of it that way.'

For instance, you could have said 'While I understand you don't want your DD to be a parent when she's still in her teens, body-shaming isn't the best way of bringing that home, is it?'

Don't just listen in silence while inwardly boiling with suppressed fury.

No of course it’s not. Adult women sneering at young mums is not a good look.

It would be better to discuss how it can make life more difficult, life choices are more limited, sitting home with a screaming while your mates go out on the town is not fun.

Oh and don’t forget to mention that teenage motherhood seems to give some older women a free pass/excuse to rake up all the usual misogynistic tropes and nasty slurs and sneers…