to not understand MNers against neurodiversity

[UkiUki]

Inspired by another thread on here today but it’s an ongoing trend.

I’ve noticed that most, if not all of the time, when a poster suggests that a behaviour may be caused by ND, other posters jump on them and seem enraged that ‘everything is explained away with neurodiversity these days’.

There has been a lot of progress in understanding these conditions which has naturally contributed to an increase in people getting diagnosed. It is especially increasing in females as, per most medical issues, the parameters for diagnoses were created around male behaviour.

As someone currently in the latter part of the long and stressful diagnosis process, my motivation to suggest ND when I recognise certain traits in situations described is that my heart goes out to those who could flourish with a little extra understanding of how their brains work, especially children. I believe I would be a different person now if I’d had the support I needed growing up, instead of just believing I was lazy, clumsy and weird.

I feel a lot of irritation and sometimes outright anger from some posters, and the suggestion that people are using ND as an excuse somehow.

Aibu to not understand where this annoyance comes from?

I think a broader understanding of ND is great

what I dont think is great is excusing behaviours because of it and showing no self awareness of how these things can impact other people.
People should be accountable for their actions regardless of what causes it

extreme cases of ND are obviously a different story.

I am ND

Tbf to the angry people, the suggestions on here are often ill timed and ill thought out.
It's not people being ND being an isdue, it's the fact that some posters would take "I don't like pasta" and run with "have you considered you might be autistic?". These are the ones getting hard time.
Imho this ott chair diagnosing actually devaluates the diagnosis.

yes this!!

and 'everyones a little autistic'

no they're not! youre either autistic or youre not.

I’m diagnosed autistic. I do get a little frustrated that often people jump to neurodiversity for issues with their children etc when many people have little quirks or work better with routines and the like but are not ND.
However, we are getting much better at recognising ND and that’s so important. Better to be assessed and for it to be rejected than not assessed at all.

I believe I would be a different person now if I’d had the support I needed growing up, instead of just believing I was lazy, clumsy and weird.

Preach, sister. Many GenXers are in the same boat, myself included. So painful to think what might have been, after watching niblings who have thankfully had support in their early and teen years.

But I don’t often see people using it to excuse behaviours, just saying that it might explain behaviours. It’s a fine line but I do feel like it’s different. For example, I don’t think that it’s okay for me to be constantly late, pretty much everywhere I go, but I now understand that it’s because I have time blindness, not because I’m lazy and selfish and don’t care about people waiting on me. I work really hard to be on time but the difference now is that I’m not so horrible to myself if I’m late. It also helps family and close friends to understand that I’m not acting in that way because I don’t value them, so creates more harmony in my close relationships.

youre self aware and im sure you apologise when youre late and now you know about time blindness are able to put measures in place to help yourself?
and harmony in relationships is great

I do understand posters getting a hard time when it’s a bit of a reach like that but sometimes I think it’s not such a stretch. There’s a difference between an armchair diagnosis or suggesting someone seek a proper diagnosis, or at least ask the question.

I am autistic, but I do believe people are too quick to jump to the ND ‘label’.
I was diagnosed late and I am relieved that was the case. I learnt to adapt to society as I had no choice. As a result I am a fully functioning member of society who nobody would suspect was autistic. Given too much help or leeway, I don’t think I’d be the capable and independent person I am today.
That’s what frustrates me I suppose, the notion that the world is going to bend for ND people. It doesn’t. And that’s why we need to prepare ND people for living in it, and that often means tough love and pushing people out of their comfort zone.
Schools are doing ND kids a huge disservice by not setting them up for the real world. Yes it’s harder for us, but that’s just the way it is.

Yes, I agree completely with the better to be assessed and be told no than to not be assessed.

This is going to sound harsh but sometimes a kid or an adult is just being an arsehole. No ND, No MH issues they're just being a twat. As a pp said It just gets tedious when something quite normal gets said and all of a sudden the possibility of ND diagnosis is thrown in🤷

Yep, and I don’t see what is bad in lots more people getting diagnosed. A generation where lots less slip through the cracks sounds great to me

It’s disgusting. People don’t second guess other diagnosis but things like ASD/ADHD are fair game and MN does little about it.

My DD has just been diagnosed with ADHD. It has a severe impact on her life, she really struggles. To think people think she’s just naughty is infuriating. She is the kindest most attentive little girl. She just struggles.

I try not to listen but it does get to you.

I also feel people that make these uneducated posts have little to no qualifications/experience regarding the diagnostic criteria/process. So I try to ignore it because I’d rather speak to the actual professionals.

I definitely apologise as I hate it so much. It’s just one trait that I find easy to explain to people but I have a lot of ND behaviour that I’m now able to recognise and put measures in place for. I use the energy I used to use to beat myself up to try to put coping methods in place.

It seems like any bad behaviour or trait gets labelled as ND.

I can see that being a bit offensive to those with autism. It bothers me sometimes as a parent of a ND child, as there is enough stigma and ignorance as it is.

@macap I hope you don't think I was saying that your DD was naughty. I believe in ASD/ADHD diagnosis. What I meant was that some kids aren't diagnosed and their behaviour is just that, naughty behaviour.

I partially agree but I think that the ND label is helpful if that’s what you actually are. I wouldn’t have wanted the world to bend to me as I think challenge can help people thrive. But I could’ve done without the shame and guilt thrust upon me by teachers and medical professionals. I only have limited experience with how schools are now, but I do have a young ND family member in secondary school now and she was treated terribly for the first couple of years. Now a couple of very minor pieces of support have been put in place for her she is coming on in leaps and bounds.

I think it’s because some people late diagnosed with ND recognise little signs. Unless someone is excusing their own or their child’s poor behaviour, then I don’t understand what the motivation behaving suggesting ND could be other than really believing it and thinking the person might benefit from understanding.

No don’t worry it wasn’t aimed at you, just a general feeling I’ve got when I’ve read people’s comments about it. Either bad behaviour or inadequate parenting when neither are true.

Because it minimises some of the struggles we have. No one's lazy or is a bit anxious about things, they all have to look for a diagnosis.

It isn’t helpful. Lots of people have lots of traits that can also be observed in neurodiverse people - it doesn’t mean everyone with those traits is neurodiverse. Also, not everyone wants a diagnosis. If they did, they would be contacting a professional. You wouldn’t diagnose other health conditions in others at random based on symptoms, as it could be any number of things, so why do it for neuro conditions? With other health conditions, you would clearly recognise that it is inappropriate and overstepping. Same applies here.

Autism in my school days was only recognised if it was very severe. Those of us who functioned pretty normally but with some difficulties were just a bit ‘weird’. I can think back to a few kids that were probably autistic. Interestingly, none were badly behaved. I get a bit frustrated at the insinuation from people on here that bad behaviour must be autism. Sometimes kids can just push the boundaries.

I’m sorry you’ve been through that. It’s one of the reasons I’ll be keeping my diagnosis mainly to myself and only telling immediate family and a couple of very close friends who’ve helped me through the process. I get scared people will think I’m telling them as some sort of an excuse or not believe me.

Hopefully your DD can get the help she needs.

I think people do understand and many people have a diagnosis themselves and or a child with a diagnosis
However posters are quick to suggest ND over any behaviour that deviates from the norm
Not everyone is ND some people can just be lazy etc.

But what if it is something diagnosable? Does it hurt you for someone else to seek a diagnosis?