To not really care if I wake up tomorrow

[Fartooold]

Don't fret, I'm not suicidal, I just don't care if i wake up tomorrow, or not.
I have a reasonable Life, some might say a full life, but I'm constantly searching for something to be enthused about.
My day to day life is grinding me down, caring for elderly parents, but it's more than that.
I have friends, a full social life, so much I can't fit it all in.

I'm just done.

I keep plodding on, but wondering why.
I'm 63. Not ancient, still extremely fit, a cancer survivor.
But I'm done. I've had a fab life, but I'm treading water now.

Yes, I can afford to travel. Done that.
Yes, I can volunteer. I do that.

But, without an iota of self pity, my life is done.

I had a great marriage, an incredible career, wonderful children, I now have the most incredible grand daughter, and so my job is done.
I don't know why I'm posting this really, just musing on the various stages of life, and coming to the conclusion that we are all living too long😅

I'm not unhappy, just content that I'm done. I know there will be a pile on of amazingly spritely 90,year old living incredible lives, but does anyone feel like me?

Hm...to be clear - not a professional here, but you seem to be dealing with some form of depression, or perhaps burnout. Try and talk to a psychologist. Talking to someone - even posting here - is a good first step because you are acknowledging this is something worth talking about.
And although you say you don't care about waking up, this post gives some indication that you'd like to change how you feel! Which is great.

Also - I didn't mean to sound patronising, maybe you are just very peculiar person, and happy in this situation and just being curious if anyone else is like that ..

OP, you might not care if you never wake up, but I assure you that your children and grandchildren would.

YANBU, I’m ambivalent about being alive too but that is an improvement on the last year when I was actively suicidal.
I think a lot of people feel like you OP but probably not when they have friends and family and a good life.

I feel the same. Age 53.

But my feelings are influenced by ongoing pain issues that have bedded in since Sept. Moving hurts so I can't distract myself with cleaning, tidying, long walks, cycling, fitness etc.

Also my job is boring and most of my days are dull.

Can't find much to look forward to at this stage of life.

I'm 47 but have been deciding how long would be ideal to live, I'd be happy with mid 60's no desire to be old and all that comes with it, I have a nice but tiring life, no depression but well controlled anxiety. I get your point entirely. X

Hmm, I don't think I'm depressed, just realising that my life is done to all intents and purposes, and being at peace with that.
I know I might live for God knows how many more years, but I'm questioning why. In an intellectual, not in a woe is me way🤣🤭
I have raised a family, cared for a grandchild, had a loving marriage, had an amazing life.
Now, I'm kind of treading water, I've 'done it all', of course I haven't, but I've done everything I ever wanted to do. So, seriously what us the point of continuing?
Again, no intention of doing away with myself, just pondering on the realisation that there is a natural end to one's place in this life, and then we just have to endure the what comes after.
I could never endorse a 'Logans Run' approach to life ( or death???), but the thought of still living this life for the next 20 or 30 (gulp) years fills me with horror.
There should be an off switch at some point😌

I agree, there should be an off switch!

Though I wouldn't use it just yet, kids are only just adults so need my support a little longer.

Love the idea of an off switch, but I don't want to know when someone presses it - just go for it peeps🤣

Yes me too. I'm 75 and reasonably healthy. I worked till I was 72 . I rarely see my adult kids and growing granchildren. I feel I'm done and don't want lots of years . Friends all moved on or away or died . I don't see a future as bright or exciting there's nothing waiting for me . Lived alone 20 years and it's a struggle . Life is harsh

But for me.. there is always just 1 more book I want to read.

Isn't it your time now though? Up to now, you've been doing stuff for or with others. Who are you as an individual? Not what you do / have done or who you care for / volunteer for etc. You seem to be measuring your worth by your achievements and accomplishments.

Don’t you feel you want to be with you kids and grandkids for as long as possible?
The thought of having to leave my dd makes me feel sick

My day to day life is grinding me down, caring for elderly parents, but it's more than that.
I keep plodding on, but wondering why.
I'm 63. Not ancient, still extremely fit, a cancer survivor.
But I'm done. I've had a fab life, but I'm treading water now.

I have been you and am only just not in that moment right now but maybe tomorrow.

The issue is actually your first sentence. I was the same. You are burnt out from caring. Facing the mortality of your parents is a big part of that feeling.

I think what is going on (I feel this in my better moments) is that you are in a transitional shift from one life chapter to the next life chapter. There is a next life chapter but you aren't seeing any possible joy in it when you are so ground down by caring.

Caring is very very VERY hard. I know you know but don't underestimate the toll it takes and how much it contributes to you feeling the way you feel.

I feel like a huge fucking hypocrite writing this because I know in a matter of hours/days I will feel the same - not caring if I don't wake up and not really wanting to. But when I am in a the dip of a wave of that feeling, I can see the sky and know what the problem is.

It's terrible feeling this way I know and I identify totally. I'm only posting positively because right now this second I'm not in the dark grip of it.

My mum is 69 and I want her to keep waking up for as long as possible. I cannot bear the thought of her not being around. And my nieces adore her. 63 is young!!

That is sad. I feel guilty,in that I do see my children and grandchild, but still feel my job here is done.
And yes. My family will feel sad, but not for long. Let's get real, we are loved , but quite rightly, will be consigned to (family) history.

I don’t feel like this at all. I absolutely love my (some could say boring!) life. I hope I live ‘til my 90’s & life will never be long enough for me. Yes it gets very mundane but then are amazing bits too.

Your children & grandchildren will 100% feel the opposite of what you feel, you’re extremely precious to them so they’ll want to hang on on you you for a while longer!

I have felt like this, genuinely content with my life and like there was nothing else I wanted to do. I've shifted again though and am now looking forward to the future and planning things and just enjoying life more than I was. I'm not sure if I was depressed or in a strange life stage or just sometimes you do get fed up of it all. You are a carer though and that absolutely burns out your energy, so it may be you are having a dip. See how you feel in a little while, I have found finding new projects and interests, even when older, has revived me a lot and now I'm keen to do new things because as long as I'm living, I've got to do something, you can't just lie down on the floor and stop because you'd have to get up again in half an hour and it would knacker your knees.

I'm in my early 70's and pretty much feel the same way. If there was an immediate off switch I possibly would use it. There isn't - so on I go...being amusing and jolly and happy and no one has a clue.

Omg I relate to this so much, but can never phrase it quite so eloquently. When I speak to my friends about this, they automatically take the depression route. I am also "done". I've done everything I wanted or needed to do. My kids have flown the nest, I'm a widow so live on my own but work full time, have a good circle of friends, and am always burning the candle at both ends...but I am really and truly done.

You're not alone. My life is fine. But I'm just not that bothered anymore.

I'm terrified of dying and 63 sounds so young. I want to live til my 90s. But it's quite reassuring to think maybe there will be a time when I feel.like I'm done and am ready to go.

How old is your grandchild OP? Don't you want to see her grow up?

How old are your children? They may still need you more than you realise.

I'm 46 and my mum.died a few years ago. I miss her terribly and she was 10 years older than you when she died. I wish my children could have grown up with her around but they won't have that opportunity sadly..

BTW this feeling is called passive suicidal ideation. I only know this because I have it too from time to time as I indicated above. Google it for more information. It is very common around times of grief (caring for elderly parents prior to death can involve grieving as well).

It's worth keeping a watch on your mental health though because it is a risk indicator for tipping over into actively feeling suicidal.

I've thanked everyone, but quoted you, because it's an interesting question.
I have a really active 'me' life. I'm a sea swimmer, so 4 or 5 days a week, I did in the northern sea. I have a (very) active social life.
I honestly want for nothing. I enjoy everything I do, but I still feel like I'm done. Like I'm just marking time. I'm not arsed one way or another, but I'd rather drop dead now, than linger in a care home for God knows how long.
It really is crap to have to get to this age 🤣

I had a spell when I felt that way @Fartooold . I was diagnosed with depression and had treatment. Speak to your GP. 💐

Yup, totally agree. I feel exactly the same.
I'm fine.. just done😊