Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really care if I wake up tomorrow

133 replies

Fartooold · 11/12/2024 21:39

Don't fret, I'm not suicidal, I just don't care if i wake up tomorrow, or not.
I have a reasonable Life, some might say a full life, but I'm constantly searching for something to be enthused about.
My day to day life is grinding me down, caring for elderly parents, but it's more than that.
I have friends, a full social life, so much I can't fit it all in.

I'm just done.

I keep plodding on, but wondering why.
I'm 63. Not ancient, still extremely fit, a cancer survivor.
But I'm done. I've had a fab life, but I'm treading water now.

Yes, I can afford to travel. Done that.
Yes, I can volunteer. I do that.

But, without an iota of self pity, my life is done.

I had a great marriage, an incredible career, wonderful children, I now have the most incredible grand daughter, and so my job is done.
I don't know why I'm posting this really, just musing on the various stages of life, and coming to the conclusion that we are all living too long😅

I'm not unhappy, just content that I'm done. I know there will be a pile on of amazingly spritely 90,year old living incredible lives, but does anyone feel like me?

OP posts:
Blueglazzier · 14/12/2024 11:40

I just can't get excited about things nowadays . I'm alone and have been many years . If you met me you would never know my deep sadness for I'm cheerful and interested in you . It's like I'm numb inside , I guess too many disappointments losses and sadness . I have little to look fwd to , rarely see my adult kids , granchildren, but have become used to that . I am alone in the world. So I look fwd to leaving . I feel I've done all I came to do .

SprockettsFarm · 14/12/2024 13:06

Thank you, OP - I've been reading this thread every day since you started it and so, so many of the posts resonate with my own feelings and experiences.

I'm 61. I spent 20-odd years "looking after" an elderly relative who sank gradually into dementia; she died five years ago but now my 82-year-old mum's behaviour is becoming more and more eccentric. I'm also a carer for an adult DS with autism. My closest friend succumbed to cancer three months ago, aged only 58. I'm not just worn out: I'm wrung out.

Every night when I go to bed I try and list three things that have gone well with my day, and then three more things that I'm looking forward to for tomorrow. Over the past two or three weeks I've noticed it becoming harder and harder to find three things - or even two things - to anticipate with any pleasure. At this rate, by the end of this month I'll struggle to identify even one thing to look forward to.

On the plus side, there's nothing left that I dread, either. If at the close of 2024 I fall asleep and never wake up again, it'll be a welcome release.

noweman · 15/12/2024 15:40

Since first reading this thread I was talking to a friend who works in A&E. He said that he finds it quite distressing how sometimes relatives just can't accept that further attempts to resuscitate a loved one are almost certain to be either unsuccessful or leave the person in a terrible hardly-alive state and beg the staff not to give up. As if life should be prolonged at any cost even if it is really just breathing and a heartbeat and the real person has gone. It seems similar to the views expressed by some on the thread that we almost have a duty to stay alive as long as we can regardless of how we feel about it, to prevent those around us suffering our loss

We reflected that today's society seems to find it hard to contemplate the idea of death as inevitable. This thread seems to support the idea that many struggle to cope with the idea that some people can accept their mortality, suggesting that doing so may be a sign of depression or some other condition that needs professional treatment.

This thread is particularly interesting the in the light of the Assisted Dying debate. I saw a lot of people against it on the grounds that they didn't think people should be asked to be responsible for shortening the lives of others, or that even the last few moments with their loved ones was important and should not be taken away. The views in favour of assisted dying seemed to be more to prevent further suffering for the patient faced with inevitable death in the near future.

Bingobanging · 15/12/2024 16:57

This is not a thread about assisted dying and the mere idea that you’ve hijacked it is insensitive and rude.

There are plenty of threads about assisted dying for you to share yours and your ‘friend’s’ views, or you could start your own 😏

BeccaS34 · 15/12/2024 21:36

noweman · 15/12/2024 15:40

Since first reading this thread I was talking to a friend who works in A&E. He said that he finds it quite distressing how sometimes relatives just can't accept that further attempts to resuscitate a loved one are almost certain to be either unsuccessful or leave the person in a terrible hardly-alive state and beg the staff not to give up. As if life should be prolonged at any cost even if it is really just breathing and a heartbeat and the real person has gone. It seems similar to the views expressed by some on the thread that we almost have a duty to stay alive as long as we can regardless of how we feel about it, to prevent those around us suffering our loss

We reflected that today's society seems to find it hard to contemplate the idea of death as inevitable. This thread seems to support the idea that many struggle to cope with the idea that some people can accept their mortality, suggesting that doing so may be a sign of depression or some other condition that needs professional treatment.

This thread is particularly interesting the in the light of the Assisted Dying debate. I saw a lot of people against it on the grounds that they didn't think people should be asked to be responsible for shortening the lives of others, or that even the last few moments with their loved ones was important and should not be taken away. The views in favour of assisted dying seemed to be more to prevent further suffering for the patient faced with inevitable death in the near future.

It’s hard for people to lose a loved one, though. Even if your parents are elderly and in bad health it’s hard to lose one. I still feel terrible that I wasn’t able to see my father in person before he passed.

also, assisted dying for the terminally ill has always been a thing. What do you think all the morphine for cancer patients was about? Assisted deaths for people who still have quality of life should be controversial, though. I recall seeing that a 29 year old was approved for assisted dying, and feeling terribly sad. At 30 it was like I magically cared less about what other people thought of me. In cases where young people have anxiety etc it really should be off the table imo because at times age sorts most of it naturally.

OnlyinBlackandWhite · 15/12/2024 21:40

This thread is not about assisted dying though, which is being discussed in the last 6 months of a terminal illness, there are people on here who are in their forties, fifties and sixties saying they feel an existential crisis about their lives, and that's not the same thing at all. Do you think they should be assisted to die age 61 as they feel a sense of completeness and unsure what to do next?

OnlyinBlackandWhite · 15/12/2024 21:42

Plus I notice that Dear Phillipa has a column in the Guardian on the existential angst of being older and not having a life purpose any more this very weekend, almost as if someone was tasked with finding out what mid-life and older women think about this topic in advance of the column. Or perhaps reading this thread was inspiring!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page