To not rock the incorrect maths of new friends regarding the bill Spilt?

[Nicenicenight]

I moved to a new area in September and my little DD started reception the first week of octopus thus missing out on all the on-boarding.

She's settled well but I've struggled to make friends sadly. My hopes were high, my mom's closest friends were made in the playground 25 years ago and they all have a great relationship one on one and in groups, holidays nights out, supportive through hard times etc etc. I think my expectations were high, but I've stood mostly alone twice a day in the playground since October despite being really friendly. I've been quite sad, perhaps it all would have been easier if we'd managed to move before the school year had started 🥲.

I decided last week to try and help out on the PTA both for the benefit of the school and maybe it would help me socially.

There's one group of moms (they have older DC at the school so have bonded well over the years) that always stand together in the playground and they're all massive big contributors in the PTA, so I bravely went and sat near them at the meeting last Thursday and tried small talking to them and I felt Okayish, making some progress.

During the meeting I offered a voucher for a free meal at a Nice Restaurant in the centre of the city to be used as a raffle prize. I had the voucher as I work for a different restaurant within the same company, and my manager kindly gave it to me for the school. We got chatting at the meeting about my work etc and I left the meeting feeling good.

The next morning got even better, one of the 5 moms came up to me and asked if I'd like to join them at the said restaurant on the Saturday night (the following day) as they'd got a table booked for 5 for a festive meal, and thought I'd like to join them. I felt so welcomed and joyous by this and immediately said yes and went straight into the city to buy a nice outfit ad these women are always so well groomed, I didn't want to let the side down on this important first night with the girls. I was thrilled. And my mom was really pleased too when I phoned her to tell her about it all.

The night was lovely, obviously they all know each other and I'm the newbie, so the dynamic was slightly strange because they're so close but I felt welcomed and it's early stages, I feel this could be the start of something great. 💞

We left the restaurant with them all promising to make a date for another get together soon.

Gosh that's long, but here's my AIBU I guess.

I get a 33% staff discount (I know,I know it's fabulous) so we did go a bit wild with cocktails 😂🍸, but my discount got the bill for 6 down from £500ish to £330ish so £55ish each I thought.

But I said I'd got a £50 M&B voucher (most 5 star reviews in a month 😇) from work, so just got £10 cash out my wallet to cover the remaining.

But one of my new friends saw the voucher and said we should take that off the £360 and then split the £310 6 ways so pay £52 each and I kinda didn't want to rock the boat when they'd been do welcoming and kind to me, so I went along with it and I put another £45 in to cover the rest.

We ll them decided on £5each as a top for the staff, all good.

I'm sure as is an infancy friendship, it was the correct tactic to go along with being amenable with the group thought but I do feel I pay a bit extra that I should have.

YANBU, best to roll with the majority to avoid awkwardness

YABU should have said something really. 😬

She is, she's a best friend and we're very close. She'll often say "I've got loads of Tesco vouchers who wants to go to pizza express?"
Similarly any of us who get vouchers will use them for the same purpose, and we often say to each other "I'll get your coffee what do you want."
No one person contributes more I would say, we just cover each other in different ways

This voucher was cash equivalent as it was a work bonus. if the work
bonus had been given in cash would you still expect that to be shared?
Or a gift card?
it wasn’t a freebie voucher.

Oh come on. She got a voucher for getting 5* reviews. It’s not that she did more hours she was just nicer to the customers.

But in this case it was. It was a cash equivalent given as a personal gift for her performance in work.

What actually happened at the restaurant was that she got a 33% discount -considerable savings for them all with no personal financial impact for OP. She intended to use her own cash equivalent voucher towards her own meal, and being forced to share it out meant that an extra £10 went towards each of them other meals, and OP was then left to pay for her own meal on top of that, so it most definitely had a personal financial impact. I don’t see what difference it made to anyone else how OP paid for her own contribution - she had already provided a substantial discount for everyone else. Greedy of them to expect her to pay an extra tenner for each of them out of her own pocket.

Doesn’t alter the fact that it was a voucher for her own personal use.

Have you never worked anywhere what does bonuses? You don’t have to work more hours for them.

It is normal for bonuses to be performance-related.

That’s precisely the point.

I don’t get your point. So should anyone who gets a bonus share it with their friends because they didn’t work extra hours for it?

You seem really desperate to fit in. I say that because you bought a new outfit for this dinner because all the others are well-groomed.

Do you have other experiences of being taken advantage of? I wonder if you’re creating another situation where you’ll end up feeling used.

Friendship doesn’t require buying new outfits, fitting in, offering material incentives, etc.

There’s many different kinds of bonuses. A bonus can be % of salary, flat rate, tied into company profits, performance-related - sales targets & other metrics etc. This was a very modest reward for a very modest achievement.

None of this affects the fact that it’s rather gauche to get it out in company and not offer it. So if you’re tight keep it in your wallet when you’re out with friends.

It was her bonus to use as she chose.
What if the bonus was cash?

So it’s the same for cash if it was a bonus?

Right, so she got a bonus for being good at her job and getting good feedback. Meaning it was hers to spend as she chose, and not up to people she barely knows to think they are entitled to it.

Just because it's a voucher rather than cash makes no difference to that at all.

Glad that's cleared up.

It was hers to send as she chooses so if she doesn’t want to spend it on friends then don’t get it out in company. A voucher is not the same as cash as everyone knows. It can only be spent in specific locations and generally if you don’t spend all a voucher you don’t get cash back you just get a lower value voucher. HTH.

They shouldn't have assumed but after a few strong cocktails they may have just been a bit unaware. I would watch out for them using you for your discount in future as well.

It will probably take you far fewer words to acknowledge that you simply don’t have any respect for people who work in service industries, or for the bonuses which happen to be associated with the KPIs identified in that sector, ‘very modest’ though they may be.

@PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat Is this some kind of fan fiction? It bears no relation to reality.

what kind of bizarre logic is this?

" if she doesn’t want to spend it on friends then don’t get it out in company."

If I get out my water bottle while on a walk does that mean everyone gets a swig? How about my lipgloss, does everyone get to try it because I had the temerity to use it in public? Presumably the rest of the group all got their cards/cash out "In company" to pay for the meal so why didn't they have to share that?

"Getting something out in public" doesn't equal "enforced sharing"

and no need for the pass agg HTH. You seem to think you've helpfully clarified a fact, whereas you've actually just shared your opinion, which is no more valid than anyone else's with a different POV.

Yes that’s correct - you’d have to offer your water, tissues, lipgloss, sanitary pads, a pound of flesh - because it’s not at all context specific.

In terms of it being worth £50 in the restaurant it's valid in, yes it is exactly the same as cash.

She has a bit of paper saying it's worth £50 that she can exchange for items costing that much in the place they are buying food.

Almost like, oh, I dunno, a £50 bank note. If she had got cash rather than a voucher as a bonus and told you it was a bonus, do you think you are still entitled to half of it?

Probably yes, given your clear disdain for people in service jobs.

Probably yes, given your clear disdain for people in service jobs.

More fan fiction, excellent. Soon we will have 50 Shades of twaddle.

You're the one dismissing her reviews as her "just being nice".

Keep digging though due to not being able to admit to being completely and utterly wrong.

Don't forget £50 as a 'very modest reward'. That's more than four hours' work on NMW.

What’s so amusing is that my business is a service industry, regularly reviewed, in which I get personal mentions - so I know exactly what’s involved.

But hey feel free to keep digging.