To not rock the incorrect maths of new friends regarding the bill Spilt?

[Nicenicenight]

I moved to a new area in September and my little DD started reception the first week of octopus thus missing out on all the on-boarding.

She's settled well but I've struggled to make friends sadly. My hopes were high, my mom's closest friends were made in the playground 25 years ago and they all have a great relationship one on one and in groups, holidays nights out, supportive through hard times etc etc. I think my expectations were high, but I've stood mostly alone twice a day in the playground since October despite being really friendly. I've been quite sad, perhaps it all would have been easier if we'd managed to move before the school year had started 🥲.

I decided last week to try and help out on the PTA both for the benefit of the school and maybe it would help me socially.

There's one group of moms (they have older DC at the school so have bonded well over the years) that always stand together in the playground and they're all massive big contributors in the PTA, so I bravely went and sat near them at the meeting last Thursday and tried small talking to them and I felt Okayish, making some progress.

During the meeting I offered a voucher for a free meal at a Nice Restaurant in the centre of the city to be used as a raffle prize. I had the voucher as I work for a different restaurant within the same company, and my manager kindly gave it to me for the school. We got chatting at the meeting about my work etc and I left the meeting feeling good.

The next morning got even better, one of the 5 moms came up to me and asked if I'd like to join them at the said restaurant on the Saturday night (the following day) as they'd got a table booked for 5 for a festive meal, and thought I'd like to join them. I felt so welcomed and joyous by this and immediately said yes and went straight into the city to buy a nice outfit ad these women are always so well groomed, I didn't want to let the side down on this important first night with the girls. I was thrilled. And my mom was really pleased too when I phoned her to tell her about it all.

The night was lovely, obviously they all know each other and I'm the newbie, so the dynamic was slightly strange because they're so close but I felt welcomed and it's early stages, I feel this could be the start of something great. 💞

We left the restaurant with them all promising to make a date for another get together soon.

Gosh that's long, but here's my AIBU I guess.

I get a 33% staff discount (I know,I know it's fabulous) so we did go a bit wild with cocktails 😂🍸, but my discount got the bill for 6 down from £500ish to £330ish so £55ish each I thought.

But I said I'd got a £50 M&B voucher (most 5 star reviews in a month 😇) from work, so just got £10 cash out my wallet to cover the remaining.

But one of my new friends saw the voucher and said we should take that off the £360 and then split the £310 6 ways so pay £52 each and I kinda didn't want to rock the boat when they'd been do welcoming and kind to me, so I went along with it and I put another £45 in to cover the rest.

We ll them decided on £5each as a top for the staff, all good.

I'm sure as is an infancy friendship, it was the correct tactic to go along with being amenable with the group thought but I do feel I pay a bit extra that I should have.

YANBU, best to roll with the majority to avoid awkwardness

YABU should have said something really. 😬

Even if they’d got you a fat discount after you’d spent the evening knocking back cocktails and now you had to pay 50 something rather than 80 something on your bill? You’d still think they were tight?

After getting them a 33% discount they basically also took something that had been given to her as a personal gift. I'm sure in my friendship group someone would have said something like 'Don't be daft, that's your voucher, you earned it, you use it for yourself'.

This!!

You'd be wrong to think that. The voucher is the equivalent of cash, and the OP is perfectly entitled to use that to cover her share and not split it.

If everyone else was using cards to pay and OP just had a bundle of tenners, would you expect her to share that out too?

No I would not.

No-one has said she wasn’t entitled to use her voucher - she could have used it on her family on another occasion. A voucher is not cash.

Ooh. Interesting way of looking at it!!

They were cheeky to ask and expect you to use your voucher for them.

I would have saved the voucher for another occasion to prevent awkwardness because I do feel there could have been a slightly unreasonable expectation to share. It was rude of them to voice that though, and I'd have to be very desperate for friends to go out with these ladies again as this would have left a bad taste.

But as the pp said, the voucher was basically cash.

You sound so desperate to make school mum friends. You cant automatically be friends with people just because your kids are in the same class.
I was never on more than nodding terms with anyone.
I had a really good friend from my child's nursery , but my other friends were from elsewhere.

I would have used the voucher to reduce the total cost. If you didn't want to do that then I think you should have kept it for another event.

It was a bonus from her work. She earnt it, and it was worth a specific amount of money. In this instance it absolutely is the equivalent of cash.

If it was a 10% voucher she had cut out of a leaflet then that's a different matter, but that voucher was for her, and the CFs had no right to insist she share it.

OP these are not friends, they have clearly used you twice now just for your discount. Please DO NOT go to this restaurant with them again. I wonder if they’ll actually invite you somewhere else without a hefty discount 🥴

They were being extremely cheeky......they'd already benefitted from a large discount thanks to you.

Lesson learned tho, at least you'll know to keep your vouchers to yourself in future.

Aren’t you just all about money: ‘bonus’, ‘earnt’ ‘amount’, ‘money’, ‘cash’.

It was a perk. People of a more generous nature would actively have enjoyed sharing it with their new friends.

The combo of tight and gauche is not uncommon on MN.

What part of "her's" don't you understand?

It was something she earnt. It's not a perk, she earnt it just like she earns her wages. If OP didn't turn up and do her job, she wouldn't have had it. Therefore, it's earnt.

If she wanted to share it, then that should have been up to her, not up to a bunch of people she barely knows. That's not being tight, that's just not rolling over to a bunch of cheeky arseholes taking advantage.

I would always use a voucher to reduce the bill for everyone - anything else seems tight

Good luck.

Wow your friend is nice, she’s spent money to earn those Tesco vouchers and willingly hands them over to you for nothing on the regular? I hope you take it turns to do that/buy her an extra coffee to say thanks.

I'd have saved the voucher for another time.
Too late now and it's unkind of them to be cheeky after they've had a big discount.

I never thought there was another way to look at it - it was a voucher she had earned. It was as good as cash.

Using this example again. How is it tight?

Imagine two people go for dinner at £50 each. One has a voucher for £40 that she was going use but the other person insists it's used to split. She now only pays £30 for her meal, but the person with the voucher has spent £70! How is that fair? This is the exact same only spread around more people. And this is after she has already got them all a 30% discount!

Could they be using you for vouchers and discounts? It seems a big coincidence they only wanted to hang out with you when you donated the voucher and they found out where you work.
To them they think, well, she gets it all for free anyway. I'd be very wary of their motives. Definitely no more trips to your workplace's Restaurants.

They already had a 33% discount then they took your voucher.

What a bunch of cheeky cunts

Avoid - however I suspect you’ll be quite popular when it’s time to book a meal.

Avoid them OP

OP, you did nothing wrong; the person suggesting you use your £50 voucher to reduce the overall bill further is a vulture, plain and simple. It'd be like whipping out a £50 note and someone saying, "Oh, take that off the main bill—jokers."

And then they had you for a tip on top!

A few friends work for M&B, and if we dine there, we'd generally cover any tip on their behalf. We also try to tip on the before-discount price, as the server is the one who comes away with less if you dont,

I would have offered to share it in the first place unless I was really skint.

Apologies if I've misread or not understood, but you offered the voucher as a raffle prize, and you were given it for the school, but you used it at thr meal?

Good luck not being a cheeky fucker? Already manage that, thanks.