Upset husband

[Questionmarkone]

Hi all, I want some unbiased advice as I don’t know if I’m in the wrong. I have name changed for this post. My husband works a manual job and gets up at 5am. Got in at 7pm today and has a long commute to/from work. I am SAHM to three children. I do all the housework/child responsibilities etc and he helps with cooking/cleaning when home at weekends. Today i was very busy, school drop off, dog walk, collecting Christmas tree from garden centre, taking outside lights down from attic and online Christmas shopping. I had my child’s Christmas Nativity at 2pm -3pm and my older daughter’s school parents evening which first appointment at 3.40pm. I got home from Nativity at 3.30pm, put some chicken in the oven and rushed out to parents evening. I got home at 5.10pm and spoke on phone with husband. He was upset I had not made dinner, said I should be thinking about him as he does not get to eat well in day duty to work. I was planning to have a chicken supper with children, chicken, salad, pitta bread but husband does not think this is dinner. He was very upset about dinner and made a big deal out of it and sent a long text berating me. I offered to put some potatoes on for him but he said no and has come in with fish and chips and said it’s my fault he is eating badly. Am I in the wrong? He also questioned what I have been doing all day and said making dinner should be my priority

She did make tea. Chicken, salad and pitta.

I can't imagine my DH ever speaking to me like that. My DH is also up at 5am for work and gets home any time between 4 and 6pm. I work full time but work from home so I do the majority of the housework, cooking and school runs. He is always grateful for anything I serve to him on a plate and he always calls me on his way home so I know when to expect him. I'm never questioned about what I've done with my day. If he comes home and the house is a riot because I've had a busy day at work he'll come in and start tidying, but he'd never make a comment about it or accuse me of not doing enough. He tells me often how much he appreciates everything I do.

There is an expectation from him to have a home cooked meal - he would be annoyed with uncle Bens rice for instance.

OK he works long hours and you have presumably decided between you that it makes sense for you to be a SAHM which usually means you will do the lions share of domestic chores including cooking dinner BUT....

He was very upset about dinner and made a big deal out of it and sent a long text berating me.

...said I should be thinking about him as he does not get to eat well in day duty to work.

I offered to put some potatoes on for him but he said no and has come in with fish and chips and said it’s my fault he is eating badly.

He thinks he can "tell you off" for not doing what he thinks you should, refuse your suggestions to bulk out the dinner and blame you for his poor choices. You cooked dinner, he wasn't satisfied.

I would talk to him and try to keep my cool but it would be a challenge not to tell him to fuck off and sort his own dinner out in future. He's being disrespectful because he brings in the money and thinks you should wait on him but he's not showing any appreciation for the work you do.

If you're cooking dinners all the other nights and this was a one off as you were busy then this is bang out of order. I also would class pittas as a 'proper' dinner.

If he normally acts like a man child I would be livid and having a serious talk however if he is normally kind and you think he might just be having a bad day id wait for it to blow over and see if he apologizes tomorrow.

Eh? You said you could do what the OP did and still make tea. I was confused because that’s exactly what the OP did… make tea. So no, I don’t know what you meant.

He rang me at 5.10pm to tell me he would be home at 7pm. My husband is normally home at this tIme and often later if tough job.

You do 🤣 a proper tea. Chicken salad and pitta is hardly cooking a proper meal, don’t be so dense. It’d be 1/3 of a meal deal in some places.

It’s an entirely normal meal in our house,

I also wouldn’t be moaning it was such a busy and long day. If that’s busy I envy her. And to avoid it she could do some forward planning.

Well.....if I had 3 children and my DH told me that making his dinner should be my priority then...well I don't know, I just wouldn't be with that kind of guy.

It's not the norm I guess but I never make dinner for my husband, he and I like different things and eat at different times so we sort it out ourselves. You sound like you are in a marriage from the 50's so I guess you need to question whether you're ok with that.

Also...again if my DH ever sent me a text 'berating me' and blamed me for his bad choices - I'd be a happily single mum soon enough.

To be fair chicken, salad & pitta isn’t an evening meal, it’s a sandwich. Especially if he has an active job & long hours, that wouldn’t be a substantial enough meal for a night time.

For busy days I usually use the slow cooker, chilli/bolognese/curry/mince & dumplings/casserole, pop it all in on a morning and then it’s ready for dinner, and will be kept hot until he eats his if that’s later on

Are you out from the early hours until 7pm doing a hard manual labour job with little to no time to eat during the day? :-)

I would be disappointed too if dinner was basically a chicken sandwich after a 14 hour day at work.

The op made a roast chicken, salad, pitta and offered to make potatoes as well? Surely potatoes, chicken, bread and salad (protein, 2 carbs and veg) is fine even when you've got a fairly manual job? I'm assuming he isn't a sherpa or professional athlete or something that requires 10k calories? It sounded like it was more that he didn't fancy it...which is acting like a child. We can't all have our favourite dinners every night. And sending someone messages berating them when they have done something for you, isn't great

Seriously? He sounds like an arse. I could tell my husband "it's bean on toast tonight because I can't be arsed" and he'd say "no bother babe. Can I have some cheese on mine?".

It's not unreasonable for a husband to send a long text berating their spouse because they didn't prioritise his dinner over their 3 children?

He's an adult right?

If I knew I was having a busy day I'd just throw something in the slow cooker like a curry to make life easier , communication is the key.

You meant she didn’t make his lordship his nightly king banquet? She is her husband’s equal partner, he is not her job. It’s very easy, get what you’re given or feed yourself. He wouldn’t have starved on what the op made by a long shot. He certainly would have been filed by a chippy tea. Yet he’s still
stropping like a child.

He did - he got chips and then people on this thread told him off for not getting everyone else some! In fairness - if the agreement of OP staying at home is making tea then I think she needs to stick to it really. She has the easier role.

Anyone who thinks a long text berating her for not providing him with an adequate meal is reasonable behaviour has low standards from their partner.

Posters opinions on whether chicken, salad and pita bread constitutes dinner are irrelevant, it's OP husbands attitude that's the problem.

If he's usually respectful then I imagine he will apologise but if this is part of a wider pattern of behaviour then it's unacceptable.

I mean this is the person who’s working 14 hour days to enable her to be a SAHM when actually all of her children are in school. There is always a trade off in these situations, the typical one being the person who is at home actually their job is the house/kids/meals.

None of us have seen the text so I have to say I take claims like this with a pinch of salt on MN. I really doubt it’s as OTT as OP states, it’s a good way of getting sympathy from the men hating vipers though 🐍