To get resentful at Christmas- how much do other husbands do?

[ChristmasGrump5]

My husband does nothing towards Christmas. He doesn’t buy a single present,card, food or drink, wraps nothing,doesn’t do any meal planning or make anything either. He likes buying a Christmas tree. Puts the lights on and that’s it. He doesn’t like the stress Christmas causes and says he can do without it. Does nothing towards birthdays either for the same reason. Doesn’t get that actually his kids like Christmas and birthdays and somebody needs to sort both. We both work full time and have older teen kids. Every Christmas he gets angry at me for getting stressed because I do everything. If I ask him to take things to the post office that I have bought and wrapped he moans. I try not to show my stress and manage most of the time however if I show an iota of stress in any way he gets shouty saying we shouldn’t have Christmas , I choose to do it,he doesn’t like it and can do without it.

I have pared it down to the bare minimum . We don’t go anywhere, or do loads of things and I try to keep the budget down so we don’t spend a lot. I just send presents, small but thoughtful ( pared right down), make a Christmas cake, stockings for the now adult kids and us,get in nice food.However sorting it when working full time is a lot when you do it single handed.

I’m starting to feel resentful and pretty much hate it myself now. I don’t do anything nice and Christmassy because it adds to the stress of fitting everything in. So can I ask what do other husbands do towards Christmas? What is the norm? Do they support you if you do it all, are you able to voice stress about it?

My dh has amazed me today by actually writing - and posting! - the very few cards he has to do - at least 2 overseas ones - before about 21st December.

TBH he does sod all apart from manhandling the tree/ chopping a bit off the end/helping me put some decorations up, and coming with me at the crack of dawn on the 23rd (for when M&S opens) to act as porter for the turkey and other heavy stuff.

But he’s very good in other ways, and does a lot of stuff I hate or CBA with, so I’m not complaining.

No. But you're probably getting stressed in a way that shows you both know he's a lazy arse.

Just do what you want for Xmas, and no more. Take your teens on a beach holiday and leave the miserable git a microwave meal and copy of the radio times.

Exact same re the cooking! I'd obviously do the Christmas dinner if DP wasn't around anymore but it wouldn't be as nice as his and I'd be a hot sweaty annoyed mess on Christmas Day 😂 No fun for anyone.

Outside of Christmas, does this man bring overall positive to your life op?

No, if I get stressed he steps in and takes something off me.

Mine does quite a lot. He put the tree up and we did the lights together, he got everything from the attic. DD and I decorated the tree cause he isn't fussed about that bit.

He bought some extra lights and put them up in the window.

He will do the main food shop and most of the cooking.

We tend to buy presents together, but we play to each others strengths. I buy for my MIL because we share a hobby (quilting). Wrapping is done together.

I do more of the logistics, like remembering to order food/Christmas tree/presents. Though I have no doubt that he would still do a good job if I wasn't there.

We each do some activities with DD. DD and I will see a ballet, he will take her ice skating etc.

Same as mine.
He hates Xmas and would rather do nothing.

Mine is actually really good.

He sorts all his family gifts (and birthdays too).

He plans the food, orders the meat, does the shop and cooks it. Sorts out all the drinks.

He puts the lights on the tree because I hate it.

I do my family gifts, clean the house, put the baubles on the tree and do the washing up on Christmas Day.

He is much better than I am

Quite a lot probably.

Gets the tree out of the loft and puts it up then me and the dc decorate it.
Helps to choose presents.
Does half of the ordering.
We wrap together.
Cooks most of the Christmas dinner and I assist.

I do a lot of the thinking. I sort the food shop. Generally decide what days we are doing what. Such as putting the tree up, going to the grotto. I tend to sort any cards to neighbours/my family, he do e his family.

I'd be pretty upset if dh didn't do his share of making the magic happen.

Mine does nothing but it's the way we work . I have my thighs and he has his . It works for us 😁

I made my expectations clear when we moved in. We get the tree together, we cook together, he sorts his families cards/presents and I sort mine.

I'm not his mother he can contribute 50/50.

He has no initiative to just do stuff but he'd do anything I asked and doesn't moan.

He buys for me, his parents, our kids (we both buy some). Helps put up decorations and then more on Xmas eve and put out presents.
Cooks Christmas Dinner.
He's a good egg.

My DH gets involved in everything, presents, decorating etc and actually takes the lead on planning and cooking Christmas dinner (I am more than happy to leave that particular task to him) but then we both love Christmas. Some people genuinely don't care for it and then it might feel like a chore.

Fuck all
Soon to be ex husband

My parents are long gone. As I recall, the Christmas 'arrangement' was that Dad financed it and Mum made it happen. It was really that simple. The lazy * never lifted a finger on Christmas Day. Just progressively got pissed and held court at the head of the dining room table. Once there were no children at home he had to put the Christmas tree in the pot and wire the lights but that was essentially it. Mum did everything else, including dealing with Dad's petty criticisms and complaints. She wore herself out.

Mine shares the load with me, we do most of it together. The only exception is buying presents for DS, I usually did that as I have always had more time than he did. He did things for his family members when they were alive, I helped out with that because we just help each other.

If I get stressed he cracks jokes and I feel better, he's generally very supportive and generous with time and money, he doesn't moan about stuff.

I did ask recently what he would do Christmas wise if I wasn't there (I love decorating the tree etc) and he said he would still do it, even if it was a bit different from my style. I am not complaining.

My husband had coffee out with me the other day for present planning. He then took away a (delegated) list of gifts to research and buy. Maybe 5 things across Christmas and a couple of birthdays. He also buys gifts for his parents and nephews and writes all the cards for his side (not many these days).

He cooks Christmas dinner and does the big food shop - he prefers to do this in person rather than get a delivery. I'm our day to day cook and food shopper so naturally it's my turn for a rest on Christmas. He'd pick up a tree etc if I asked him to.

He's not at all into Christmas but he does it ungrudgingly, and with gratitude for everything I do.

I do most of the preparation work because I tend to start earlier. But as I am doing that, he then does other household work - we work and rest roughly the same amounts - so it isn't actually that I do more work, it's just that I do more of the Christmas work and less of the other work. He does his side of the family, including our shared godchildren in his side of the family. And on Christmas day it's the other way around: he does all the special cooking and hosting while I do the "normal" household tasks around him. He does ask what if I have special food wishes though so I feel I definitely get the best of both worlds.

DH will assemble the tree , add the lights , put out the outdoor decs, we decorate indoor tree together with dcs. He buys most of the kids presents.

He writes his cards, I write mine.
He buys the Xmas wrapping and tags (online), does most of the wrapping.

I do all the cooking and if I want stuff baked I do the baking.

DH does alot to be fair. About half the presents he is really good at presents for the teens. He has got dd1s main present entirely. He does his side of the family. He gets the tree and gets down all the decorations. He does about half the food shop and prep on the day. He does most of the wrapping. He thinks Christmas cards are pointless which I kind of agree with so I do a couple of cards to his aunts. He loves Christmas though.

My OH does nothing. We go to his family's for Christmas lunch which is always lovely. He buys me presents and probably gets his DM or Dsis to wrap them for him. He gives me money to get gifts and food shopping and that's about it. I get all gifts for his family as well as my own and our DS. I love shopping though so enjoy it and I love wrapping. He'll put the main toys together on Xmas eve night actually that's about it🫤.

I don't have a husband OP (current or ex or future!)😂
But on a serious note, I believe your situation isn't unusual.
Christmas is stressful and I don't like it!
Hope it goes as OK as it can

I sort all social engagements and book tickets to stuff like light walks. I do most of the shopping for the kids and buy stuff for my side of the family. I tend to wrap all the presents (I lock myself away with wine and Xmas music and love it 😀)

He gets the tree, we decorate as a family. He puts lights outside the house. He buys gifts for all his side. Does all the shopping for booze, food etc. He does all the cooking including prepping on Xmas eve, prepping a big 'appetiser' platter, does a full turkey dinner and often makes a dessert from scratch (makes it a few days before). Basically my Xmas day jobs involve quaffing prosecco and stacking the dishwasher

Your husband needs to step up it absolutely shouldn't all be on you

Mine does fuck all.