To feel uncomfortable with this message exchange

[Notjustmeah]

My DP and I have been together for 2 years, we are expecting our first baby.
Generally life is good for us, he has one friend, wouldn't say they are very close as she lives in London, but they have been friends since they were teens. She's literally drop dead gorgeous, tall, skinny with abs, great figure etc.
For the whole time we've been together she's been in a relationship, so I've not really thought too hard about her, and like I said she's in London so he only sees her a few times a year when she comes up.
Now she's going through a break up and the guy cheated on her and she's is devastated. She's been messaging DP a lot more and he makes a lot of time to talk to her.
Last night he was up messaging her until gone 3am, almost 4. I had a feeling something was off, he never messages her for that long. This morning I decided to have a look while he was still sleeping, I know, I know I shouldn't have but it was really bothering me.
These messages have bothered me.

"I don't get why anyone would cheat on you, you're literally like Angelina Jolie and Kiera Knightley combined"

Then in a convo about how crap men are he was like I don't get how it's so hard to be a good guy. He then said
"If I learn how to clone you can have another me?" She replied "omg yes please that's a need"

This feels like he was saying he'd date her and her saying the same back?

The last one was from her where after he complained about my family being too money focused and not liking him she said
"They are shallow, I'd give all the money in the world for a guy like you"

AIBU to feel weird about these? He comments quite a lot about how gorgeous she is and he's going to London this weekend to party with her, so I might be being paranoid.

Try to exclude her is making it into a battle. This is his pal - making her into yours relegates her to "family friend" instead of potential rival

I'm all for having friendships of the opposite sex as a couple, I see nothing wrong. I have always done it and encouraged my partners too but those messages cross the line. Looks like your husband has some sort of infatuation with skinny blond and she is heart broken and in need of some hugs. I would sit with him and have a chat, tell him he's making you feel uncomfortable, do not accept any form of gaslighting. He needs to stop making you feel uncomfortable, plus you're about to have a baby. Do not mention the phone snooping.

Reads to me like he’s seeing an opportunity and is trying his luck.

The ‘find a clone of me’ is fishing imo - he’s trying to gauge how receptive she is to him without outright propositioning her, and also planting a seed in her head (‘Look how good a guy I am, right in front of you for all these years. Given that you can’t have a clone of me, how about me instead?’).

That they haven’t got together in the past isn’t necessarily because he hasn’t wanted to.

One of you? OMG, yes, please... I need you now ... groaned breathy Angelina Jolie.

Nothing inappropriate at all 🙄

Let's be honest, that's exactly how her messages sound to him.
And let's be honest - she knows how to construct a suggestive sequence of words.
If she really is stunningly attractive, she won't be doing this to start a relationship. However, sex for a bit of fun and distraction is not at all excluded (very likely, I'd say). DP is hook and sinker up for it.

That⬆️ last sentence is all there is to say, figuratively and literally.

You're not overreacting at all at their flirting. I'm afraid something may well happen when they meet up. I'd let him know you know, but not sure it'll stop it.

Would two best hetro friends talk like this? A little blurry on two hetro women as most my girl friends build each other up and aren't shy to say something along the lines of I'd take you home... But most hetro men would never talk to each other like this... I'm sorry @Notjustmeah you aren't overreacting

YANBU
You are being too reasonable.
Partying in London with her after those texts?
You need to have a long calm chat with him about boundaries.

The only reason that they haven't got together before is that she is probably out of his league and she has always had somebody else. Your partner has obviously fancied her for years and thinks that he might get her on the rebound. Honestly, he's coming across like one of those eager Labradors with their tongues hanging out.

Yes, you snooped but who wouldn't in your situation. Those messages crossed the line. And now, he plans to leave his pregnant partner and go to London this weekend to "party" with the poor sad depressed gorgeous mite. Anybody who thinks this isn't the start of an affair must be a Pollyanna and/or utterly naïve.

To be honest, depending on how pregnant you are, I'd terminate the pregnancy and dump him. Failing that, I'd be telling him that it was either her or me and there would be no going to London to "party with her" and she needs to seek professional help. I can't think of a single scenario where this would be acceptable behaviour. And as for your family disliking him, I suspect it might be more than the fact that he doesn't earn much. He has demonstrated startling disloyalty. It doesn't look like he gave you and the baby a second thought other than to criticise your family when he saw there might be the possibility of sex with her. And as for cloning him, one faithless disloyal man like this is more than enough.

Yes but we're not talking about you. Have you not read the messages shared in the exchange?

Is tone and content the same as you would use with your platonic male friends?

Oh yikes OP, you are reasonable to feel heartbroken.

Do you have someone neutral in your life that you can get some support from? Not someone who is going to pick sides, but someone that can help you sort your feelings out before you make any decisions.

Raising a baby on your own is hard, but its even harder when you can't even trust your partner. The resentment will sit in and explode when there is no sleep and stress the baby brings.

You need to take photos of those messages, and keep them. And give baby your name.

💯 jts a crossed line.
Don't let him convince you its anything else

And I'd be clear of he goes to london we are over. Completely done.

Id personally be going for an ultimatum. He has already crossed a line - he eother needs to pursue it or commit to you. If it's you, he needs to drop all contact

I really wouldn't read anything into it, he obviously feels comfortable in your company to be abl3 to txt her which is a huge thing they've been life long friends doesn't look like he's even considering cheating on you, I wouldn't even let your partner know you've broken his trust and gone through his phone I would however invite her to come and stay have a girlie weekend and every partn3r has a whinge at families god knows I do along with millions of other couples. Your relationship seems tight so don't be inviting bad vibes when there's nothing to really worry about

@ThisRedLion

would however invite her to come and stay have a girlie weekend

Not a chance that would happen!!

Oh I'm so sorry op. I've been here whilst pregnant. Don't feel guilty about checking the phone ...clearly you were right to. This OS emotional cheating ,don't let him tell you otherwise. If he was ill ( I know you're not but you ARE a lot more vulnerable than usual) would it be ok if you were turning to another man to seek comfort? No . Because there's different types of comfort, this one is for stroking his own ego rather than solving his issues. Clearly he's not a great man if he's up till 3am texting another woman and offering himself to her. When I was in this position I text the other lady from his phone and I said clearly he's not a great guy because he's risking losing his family and crossing a line on his pregnant wife texting you. She stopped messaging him and he woke up from his stupidity. But men are dogs. Even the good ones. I'm still with my husband and I think we have a happy marriage, no more red flags but am I always going to wonder? Yes.

YANBU.

I wouldn't talk like that to my male friends.

It's okay to build each other up, but this was crossing a line.

He’s already in the emotional cheating territory and will absolutely take a chance if he gets it!
That would be the end of the relationship for me unfortunately

Ask him if you can go on his phone for a reason if he says sure but give me a minute then gives you the phone then check them messages again if he's deleted the convo then it definitely means something to him if he leaves them there for you to see then speak to him. But I'll be honest you know the saying try keeping them apart and they will try even harder. As hard as it is me personally I would say to him if there is a chance you think you will go down there and cheat with her or if you want to be with her let's deal with it now. For warned is for armed

Your partner is having an Emotional Affair

Probably nothing physical but that's unimportant . Bear in mind Emotions is a large part of being on Love so it's a HUGE thing - an Emotional Affair. It's hugely rewarding - an Emotional Affair. Equivalent to a Best mate of same sex but so much more deep and meaningful as you can relish the feelings any time of the day and night.
This is very DAMAGING to a marriage and I would say is CHEATING BIG TIME
Time for a conversation with your partner as he cannot have all this going on and then gaslight you by saying it's nothing because jiggy jiggy don't happen

I'm sorry to tell you all this.

He then said "If I learn how to clone you can have another me?"
I think he was testing the waters

Some posters are so naive! Sorry but he's clearly obsessed by this friend. If she's as attractive as "Angelina Jolie/Keira Knightley" he fancies her. If he's messaging her until 3am and planting seeds about his relationship being in trouble, he is hoping to move their emotional bond even closer and possibly make it physical.

There was a post a few weeks ago where the OP had a similar situation with her boyfriend comforting his newly single female work friend after a break up. They ended up kissing on their work night out resulting in the break up of OP's relationship.

@Notjustmeah, how are things going?

Act now, , or you will bitterly regret not doing so.

Yes, this needs nipping in the bud ASAP. He may decide to proceed with his “friendship” but at least you will have tried.

i would tell him that after he was up til 3am texting her, you felt uncomfortable and looked at his phone.

This is an example of why I think that to cajole a woman into a profound decision like this should be against the law. To do this must be an independent choice. I hope she did not read this. Amen.

YANBU. At all.