To feel uncomfortable with this message exchange

[Notjustmeah]

My DP and I have been together for 2 years, we are expecting our first baby.
Generally life is good for us, he has one friend, wouldn't say they are very close as she lives in London, but they have been friends since they were teens. She's literally drop dead gorgeous, tall, skinny with abs, great figure etc.
For the whole time we've been together she's been in a relationship, so I've not really thought too hard about her, and like I said she's in London so he only sees her a few times a year when she comes up.
Now she's going through a break up and the guy cheated on her and she's is devastated. She's been messaging DP a lot more and he makes a lot of time to talk to her.
Last night he was up messaging her until gone 3am, almost 4. I had a feeling something was off, he never messages her for that long. This morning I decided to have a look while he was still sleeping, I know, I know I shouldn't have but it was really bothering me.
These messages have bothered me.

"I don't get why anyone would cheat on you, you're literally like Angelina Jolie and Kiera Knightley combined"

Then in a convo about how crap men are he was like I don't get how it's so hard to be a good guy. He then said
"If I learn how to clone you can have another me?" She replied "omg yes please that's a need"

This feels like he was saying he'd date her and her saying the same back?

The last one was from her where after he complained about my family being too money focused and not liking him she said
"They are shallow, I'd give all the money in the world for a guy like you"

AIBU to feel weird about these? He comments quite a lot about how gorgeous she is and he's going to London this weekend to party with her, so I might be being paranoid.

Oh dear OP! I may get slated for saying this but even if he hasn't physically cheated, he is emotionally cheating on you which is as damaging, if not moreso.
People may grumble at you for looking at his phone but his deception of you is greater than yours is for looking. I think you may need to lose this one as giving any kind of ultimatum is likely to backfire but an ultimatum may be an option worth trying. You may need to consider how you would trust him going forwards if you choose to go down this route. Either way, i have been there and i feel for you. It hurts like hell. You are woth more than this and you deserve better.

Whaaaaat. He’s literally saying the only way he can be with her is if he can clone himself. Ie he is 100% not able to be with her. That’s what he told her. And she replied something equally warm in a make believe world. What was she suppose to say ‘errr no thanks’. They were just texting you’re reading way too much into it unless there’s a drip feed coming.

In these situations I always try to think would you send the same message to a same sex friend. The answer here is no he would not send that to a male friend. So yes he’s crossed a line and so has she. You are pregnant for god sake so how can they disrespect you like this. It needs to be either her or you because trust me from experience, you definitely don’t need her leeching on.

But KarmenPQZ she follows it up with "I'd give all the money in the world for a guy like you" which is putting the ball in his court -
So the question OP is: do you trust him?

In your position I would have to speak to him about it.

As a PP says, you will learn a lot by the way he reacts

@Notjustmeah Those messages show they definitely fancy each other.

I’d not be happy in your shoes- not many people would be! ( Men or women ) confronted with those messages.

The messages ARE a bit inappropriate, but I'm going to offer an alternative view in that if htey have been friends since they were teenagers a) they could have got together previously an they didn't and b) the relationship will be different and it may well be that it's about offering the sort of support that actually often comes between friends who are same sex. So if a friend broke up with her BF and was devastated, I can easily imagine myself saying to her, "he's crazy. you are the best thing that could have happened ot him, I can't believe he's chosen someone else."

I say this as someone who also has a very close male friend who I only see occassionally and who I have known since I was a pre-teen. He's sort of like a cousin now - not quite a sibling, but a cousin who you really get on with and consider a friend? When he and his wife divorced, I definitely supported him in a way thhat was similar to how I'd have supportd him when we were teenagers or how I'd support a woman and while I don't think any conversations crossed any lines, a couple of times I did think to myself, "mmm, this could come across oddly if anyone else was listening" and almost had to remind myself that because we ARE different sexes, sometimes you do have to take a slightly different approach.

Similarly, when I lost a parent, he turned up in the same way that my best female friends did/would have (most of them are in another country).

So I think it's okay to be a bit uncomfortable, but I wouldn't be going nuclear at this point.

Yeah that's worrying but tread carefully here.. you don't want to push them together.
If a man wants to cheat you can't really stop him. And even if you do manage to, what are you left with? Someone you had to win round from straying??
Hopefully he will make the right choice.
You are carrying his baby. You love him and you have a real relationship.
This girl may be pretty... but she's just going through a break up and wants a bit if an ego boost from her male friend complimenting her. Even if you didn't exist at all and he was free to do as he wanted I don't think this relationship would be a good idea and work. They are both just enjoying a bit of attention.. they live very far away from each other,barely see each other, don't have much in common. She's just had her ego bruised by a breakup and he's just enjoying being needed by a pretty girl. It's not real.
I'd hope very much that he knows that.

I'd not let on I'd seen the messages. And I'd not try and stop him from going to the party. But I might seriously have a chat with him before he goes. I'd let him know that despite being pregnant I'm not a vulnerable person and I don't need to beg for attention and that if he acts in a way which is disrespectful to me whilst he's at this party, I will be ending the relationship with him. He wouldn't be having his cake and eating it on my watch. Either he wants to pursue nonsense fantasy or he wants to work on building a loving family with me. I'd say that I don't mind him being friends with women at all.. and I understand this girl is an old friend and needs support right now... but I can also see that this is a situation in which there may be opportunity for him to get his ego massaged by being needed amd it nay lead to him acting inappropriately. I'd want him to know that if he does that I wouldn't be tolerating it and he'd be leaving. So he should bare that in mind before he attends this event and have a think about how he is going to act.

OP says that since she has been with her partner this woman has been in a relationship, until recently.

If her partner and this woman have known each other since teens you have no idea of their sexual history. They may very well have had some sexual relationship in the past.
So you cannot say "they could have got together previously and they didn't " with any degree of certainty.

I meant date, get married etc. I totally hear you re possible sexual history - let's face it, especially if they've been friends since they were teens! Hormonal crazies that teens are! My friend and I have never dated, never wanted to, but there was definitely an attraction there and in our late teens/early 20s we had a few drunken snogs. Nothing meaningful though. And prior to Dh and his first wife, we had 15 years to get into a relationship if we'd wanted to.

Well they still didn't get together did they? Even if they slept together at some point? They aren't together now so obviously it did not work.. there will be reasons for that.
I've actually got a male school friend I've known since I was 15 who I slept with on and off when we were both single in our 20s.. we are still good friends now. Both married to other people. However even if both our marriages ended today there's not a chance in Hell we would end up as a couple. There's many reasons we were never a couple and those reasons remain.

Can't you go to the party or sow the seed that you might - his reaction might give you more answers?

You have the proof in black and white that your DP has started to flirt with his attractive newly single friend.

I love my friends but 3am texting?

Her and her partner have broken up and your DP has gone in drooling over the fact she’s fair game now to him. Seriously

But if that was actually true she’s have dumped her boyfriend when OPs partner was single and they’d be together now?

in my opinion they’re just texting crap and it’s not something they’d say in real life face to face let alone act on.

but obviously we don’t know how stable OPs relationship is other than this but I’d take adage from the saying eavesdroppers never hear anything good (or however the saying goes!)

Yes but how do you know they didn't date? How can you say that with certainty?
OP knows about their relationship as it has been since she got together with her partner and presumably from what he has told her about prior to that. We have no idea what his relationship with this woman was historically.

This. My male friend and I had a bit of an attraction, but we weren't together for a reason, and we wouldn't be together in the future. I look at his life and the way he lives it and think, "god no" and I am sure he looks at mine the same way. In the meantime however, we thoroughly enjoy a catch up every few months, can genuinely tell each other pretty much anything if we need to and at the really really big moments in our lives, the other one reliably turns up. I played the sister role at his wedding, he took me out when my mum died. I run interference between his new wife and his parents, he helped my sister move out when she had a bad break up and was alone and had no money. he's quite rich so we both know if I was ever desperate I'd hit him up for money! I'm a very practical person so I'd be the one turning up to help him if he ever got sick. But we're not in each other's pockets and we 100% would never have worked as an actual couple.

Well he wouldn’t be going to London to party with her that is for sure.

The problem is, you know how they each feel now, so this is never going away. I would feel like second best, like if you weren’t pregnant he would be off with her.

You need to have a serious talk .

well, if they dated and he kept it from her, then she has MUCH bigger issues.

I think it's the wrong call to stop him from going to the party.
It just reinforces the fantasy of her being the fun one and op being the bringdown.
I wouldn't want to be can't in that role.
It also gives him more of an ego boost... two women scrambling about for him.

Honestly I don't think op should lower herself.

She should just look him in the eye before he goes and she should let him know that she will be ending the relationship if he does anything to disrespect her.

My point was for all we know this sexual attraction could be long standing.
Lots of people have on/ off relationships or casual sex with friends and don't end up together as a couple.
We can't assume, as the poster I was quoting did, that their relationship has always been platonic. We know nothing about the history of his relationship with this friend.

let him know that she will be ending the relationship if he does anything to disrespect her.

He already has.

But. We've all met people out of our league who we'd be with given the opportunity.

I'm a great believer in mixed sex friendships. In fact my BFF is a man I've known for about 8 years. During that time we've both been in and out of relationships, and of course messaging and support has increased a little after breakups, same as it would with a good same sex friend.

We've never ever crossed the line like that though. That's plain and simple 'do you like me? I like you'

I would be talking to him ASAP and even though I'm not the jealous type at all I would be saying if he goes to 'party' with her without you then you're done.

I don't get how it's so hard to be a good guy - Seems like he doesn't get it either.

If I learn how to clone you can have another me? -

🤮🤮🤮 Big headed much.

@CatFlautist Yer it's all the women's fault!! 🙄

This is emotional affair territory. They have both signalled to each other a physical attraction too.

So sorry, OP. This is no faithful loving relationship to behave this way.