To feel uncomfortable with this message exchange

[Notjustmeah]

My DP and I have been together for 2 years, we are expecting our first baby.
Generally life is good for us, he has one friend, wouldn't say they are very close as she lives in London, but they have been friends since they were teens. She's literally drop dead gorgeous, tall, skinny with abs, great figure etc.
For the whole time we've been together she's been in a relationship, so I've not really thought too hard about her, and like I said she's in London so he only sees her a few times a year when she comes up.
Now she's going through a break up and the guy cheated on her and she's is devastated. She's been messaging DP a lot more and he makes a lot of time to talk to her.
Last night he was up messaging her until gone 3am, almost 4. I had a feeling something was off, he never messages her for that long. This morning I decided to have a look while he was still sleeping, I know, I know I shouldn't have but it was really bothering me.
These messages have bothered me.

"I don't get why anyone would cheat on you, you're literally like Angelina Jolie and Kiera Knightley combined"

Then in a convo about how crap men are he was like I don't get how it's so hard to be a good guy. He then said
"If I learn how to clone you can have another me?" She replied "omg yes please that's a need"

This feels like he was saying he'd date her and her saying the same back?

The last one was from her where after he complained about my family being too money focused and not liking him she said
"They are shallow, I'd give all the money in the world for a guy like you"

AIBU to feel weird about these? He comments quite a lot about how gorgeous she is and he's going to London this weekend to party with her, so I might be being paranoid.

It sounds like they are weighing each other up. If I found these messages, I would not want my DH going off this weekend to 'party' with this woman.

She is obviously on the rebound and has nothing to lose. But it sounds like your partner doesn't have a whole lot to offer beyond looks - I'm assuming looks are the attraction based on him not having money or a nice personality and your family not warming to him - so more likely to be a flash in the pan.

If they have been friends since their teens and they haven't dated yet it probably will never happen. However, I think your DP is a bit irresponsible here. He's sort of swooping in when he knows she's probably quite confused and vulnerable. It could be that he has wanted her for a long time but it has never been reciprocated and he is now seeing his chance of getting in there. I wouldn't love it either, but I would put the blame on the DP and tell him to be careful.

Jesus, if he goes partying he will cheat on you. I don’t know what you want to do with that information… I mean you could say you don’t want him to go but tbh just knowing it was ever an option would be enough for me to tell him to fuck off, pregnant or not.

I would be very very uncomfortable with this.

His reaction when you raise it will tell you everything you need to know. If he loves you and honours you above all else he will do whatever it takes to stop you feeling uncomfortable, including not going to a party and scaling back messages so they are more of a friend zone nature.

if he doesn’t put you first, you know deep down how he feels.

He has crossed the line completely.

Messaging into the early hours is wrong. The woman is an adult and the distress of a break up doesn't warrant them messaging back and forth that long.

One call to chat in person to offer condolences and wish her well would have sufficed.

Messaging like two fifteen year olds for hours is downright pathetic.

Sounds like they both have the hots for each other but the timing has previously been wrong for them to get together.

She's in the state of mind to avenge her cheating partner by getting with a man asap to boost her ego and he's obviously been a little lap dog in the waiting. Now he's sitting up and begging with his tongue out.

The writing is on the wall, your relationship is doomed whilst she is in the picture and even if he does cut all contact with her, he will have a deep resentment towards you.

The trust has gone.

I agree. I have a married best friend who is a male. Our texts are nothing like this. This is not just friends anymore. This is the start of something.

Sounds extreme to me. How do you think you can predict how op's partner will feel in the future?

I would not be able to marry this man. These messages show complete disrespect for you, your unborn child and your family. He has taken advantage of your trust and I wouldn't be able to get past this because I know I could never trust him again. You really haven't been together very long and it's looking like maybe you didn't know each other very well.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this whilst pregnant.

that's serious flirting there, have they ever had a 'thing'?

either way he is going to be pissed you went through his phone

I have no doubt if he goes to see her this weekend they'll be shagging!

I don't think anyone can truly know how these two friends really feel about each other.
However I do not think meeting up whilst emotions are high(hers) and adding alcohol into the mix is a good idea.
If he goes you will always be wondering if something happened.

I think you should talk to him before going. Say I’m not actually comfortable with you heading away to party with someone you clearly think is super gorgeous (you can just say it’s obvious in the way he talks to and about her if he asks, not admit you looked at his phone), leaving me here pregnant. There’s a risk to this scenario and I need to make it clear that you’re drunk won’t be any kind of excuse if something happened, and I’m too pregnant to feel forgiving. I don’t care if someone slips hard drugs into your drink, just remember there are no acceptable excuses and don’t get up to anything you wouldn’t do right in front of me.

see if he looks uncomfortable.

This, OP.

if he doesn’t show you the phone immediately I think you have your answer.

I would tell him you need him to be with you this weekend as you’re feeling vulnerable (which you are). See if he chooses to support you or go to the party with her.

It sounds like he has had a yen for her for a while but didn't think he had a chance because she was attached. Now she isn't, but he is...he's putting out feelers and hedging his bets. I know it's easier said than done and it's the worst possible time for you, but I would be making plans to split. You can't trust him.

This. Seen it so many times before. Chances are she doesn't even fancy him, just feels sad and lonely after her break-up (especially this close to Christmas), knows he's a "good" guy and wants the attention from him.

His head will be swelling with all the compliments thinking he can be her knight in shining armour, not realising she's just gone for the easy option of a good friend to boost her self esteem.

See on a surface level, and I think because they've known eachother so long it alters what would be considered normal boundary dynamics between friends, he seemed to be suggesting he would be ideal cloned because he's not the sort to cheat and she seems in turn to be recognising that he is indeed not the sort to cheat so a clone of him would be perfect. Most people might be tempted to comment if they thought it wouldn't get back to anyone that someone money driven may be shallow so I wouldn't take too much notice of that one.

What man stays up until nearly 4 am talking to a friend about their break up?

Like another poster said if this was a male friend none of this would have happened.

My husband has a good female friend from school. They would NEVER message each other like this. I have male friends...I would NEVER message them like this. You KNOW this is inappropriate. He simply wouldn't give an unattractive, make friend anywhere near this level of attention and support if they broke up with a partner.

They have admitted they’re attracted to one another. He’s trying to justify why she shouldn’t have been cheated on by likening her to two Hollywood starlets and she’s admitting she would accept a clone of him as a boyfriend. Staying up until 3am messaging a friend is nuts anyway, unless said friend is in some sort of mental health crisis but she has been cheated on, it’s shitty but not the end of the world.

Definitely confront him about this.

Let him go "partying in London" and tell him to stay the fuck there whilst he's at it.

Sounds like you're his plan b and his plan a just became available.

Sadly I agree. OP get out. The trust is gone and will not be back. You deserve better and it's out there for you.

I’d be having a serious conversation with him.

How pregnant are you? Was baby planned?

Do you think he could have “settled” with you because his “friend” was unavailable at the time? (Sorry, I know it’s a tough Q but I’ve seen this play out irl and it did not end well).

Partying in London?
Get his reaction to you going to the same venues.

Well surely OP this suddenly has become your favourite thing to do. Tell him you're up for that.
Lovely to party on before the baby restricts those opportunities.

You're definitely going with him right?
Obviously he's assuming you aren't.
Time to put him right.