Cancelling Christmas Pt 2 - Updates

[Grinch123]

Hi all,

Know the last thread here filled up very quickly and there were so many wonderful and supportive comments that got me through a very tough 24 hours! Thank you if you contributed, it meant a lot 🙂

Starting a part 2 to provide updates/vent, (and take any Disney planning advice 😂) as a few people have asked and also I know I'll need more support over the next few weeks as it's been tough! If you want to stick around on this thread, I'd appreciate it.

Updates from yesterday:

Dropped off all Christmassy foods/stocking fillers etc at our local Foodbank. Couldn't get through to anyone at the charity that supports refuges - I'm in the office today but have emailed a nearby school to see if they want the bits to raffle off at their fayre this weekend.

Locks are changed! Thought this was a bit of an overreaction but DSis tried to come over again last night (we weren't in) so I guess not.

Told DD about Disney, she's ridiculously excited and I think young enough she doesn't realise this = missing out on a 'family' Christmas. Also bought festive Minnie PJs and Christmas ears online.

Family are being a nightmare. I have messages from all of them on pretty much any site you can message a person on (WhatsApp/messenger/texts/loads of missed calls) - everything from begging/emotional manipulation, to being told to F off (by a parent!) for screwing up Christmas because I like to use my money to control everyone and play with peoples feelings 😅 Also messages from mutual friends checking in because siblings have told them I've 'lost the plot' ~ and a concerned call from DDs nursery, evidently one of them has called the nursery worried about my mental health and asked if they could check in?! Thankfully the nursery haven't shared any info with them at all (they don't do any pick ups etc) but it was a painful conversation to have!

I've disassociated with it and messaged them all, once, along the lines of 'life is really busy at the moment, will look forward to catching up when we get back but I do need some space.' I think it's been a scales dropping from my eyes moment, because I'm sure lots of this would've worked on me in the past, but now it's just making me mad 😬

Thanks for updating op. Really sorry your family are resorting to malicious reporting to try and get you in trouble or something. They really do seem so horrible to you. You definitely need that space.

Glad it's making you angry anyway

Get busy planning Disney etc!

Not sure if it's the same as Paris Disney, but download the Disneyland app, link your booking, get some restaurant bookings in etc. Assuming it works similar in US Disney.

@Grinch123 so pleased you're going to be making new memories with your dd this Christmas.

As I said on your last thread, I've hosted friends on Christmas Day, and if we were friends we'd be delighted to have you both there, and wouldn't like to think of you being alone, so I'm sure your friends would feel the same.
Is it worth broaching it with your closest friends and seeing if that's a possibility for next year? That way, your dd and you will still get to experience a Christmas with others, which is what you've been trying to recreate.

Just a thought. Good luck, and btw, reporting concerns to your dd's preschool is highly manipulative.
They may not have thought it through, and I really hope that wasn't their aim, but it could have had a mark put against your name/ more serious consequences, and got you in 'trouble' by referring you to other agencies.

[hotel name redacted] is lovely, we stayed there on our last trip. I'd second discovery cove for Christmas Day as well, it's such a special place. Have a fabulous time op x

Im sure nursery will have experienced weirder things that that so I wouldn’t worry. Hopefully they’ll entertain no further calls from them.

Their behaviour is truly appalling.

Have a great time at Disney!

If you don’t already have it, invest in cctv for the house before you go. They don’t have access via a key anymore, but they know you’re away and I wouldn’t trust them to not do something stupid,

As for Disney link your reservation up on MDE and start reserving restaurants. You’ll need to get on top of it for character dining etc. Also the genie pus system changed 6 months ago for lightening lanes etc, definitely look at the new system so you’re familiar with it. Have a fab time!

Dear @Grinch123

You have dealt with this situation with such dignity. I was all for a situation where you could see the shock on their faces and I tried to think of one. You really are a wonderful person

I am a little concerned with regards to where they will take this. Others have mentioned Social Services but I really think a burglar alarm especially as you are going away on holiday

Could some of your friends do a drive by once in a while whilst you are away?

I don't think so. I got sent the person to buy for by one of those online generator things via email, so he definitely added me to the list!

i'm glad you finally realised how badly they've been treating you, and its fabulous that you've stuck two fingers up at them and told them Xmas is off.

I do think there is still a touch of placation/confrontation avoiding going on though with your 'looking forward to catching up' messages.

I guess you don't want to completely blow relationships up, but if there is ever going to be ANY chance of anything being salvaged, you have to be honest with them about how you feel, especially after they've started making reports about you.

You have to make it clear that this isn't a mental health break, but after everything you've done for them over the years, the least you expect is a small token of appreciation from all of them, and the secret santa and realisation you wouldn't have a SINGLE present from ANY of them to open on xmas day, while you're lavishing them with presents, food, and fun, was a slap in the face, and showed you how much you really mattered to them all, and you're done being their doormat.

I’m completely fresh to this thread and have only read the OP’s posts.

I would definitely send a message again to family saying - “In case anyone is worrying, I am 100% fine as I mentioned in my previous messages, please don’t contact DD’s nursery again as that caused me a big headache! I have loved our big traditional Christmases and I know you enjoyed them too, but I don’t want to feel obliged to make such a Herculean effort every year. I want to change things whilst dd is young. Love you all and hope you all have a great Christmas and I will look forward to hearing all about it after my vacation with dd!”

just to add, i'm skint, i'm the sibling living on the bones of my ass while my DB and his wife both earn 6 figures, they host xmas, but i still always bring food and gifts because its the least i can do to say thankyou, even if some years those gifts have been handmade.

This is true. I did send that message prior to the call from the nursery, when all I'd gotten were messages from them directly. I've been trying not to engage, but think I need to send another, very clear message in case they try anything else.

Christ. Do not send that message.

Nursery will, 100%, have experienced weirder things. I'm sorry your family are so awful to you, OP.
Enjoy your amazing Disney trip (fantastic that you've booked and organised it so quick!).

Thank you! Can't believe I'd forgotten about character dining. Will get on it today.

What nonsense. Why on earth would you send such a twee message to a bunch of freeloaders who couldn't give a crap about you and are now having a collective tantrum now that their gravy train has come to a halt??

Family is a strange thing. You don't actually need them. Honestly. You and your daughter are all the family you both need.

My parents died when I was quite young 17 when mum went, 24 for dad. Mums death especially devastated me. They were both from very very large families I have 48 first cousins! Yet over the years I have realised that it's been me making the effort to keep a relationship. So now I have stopped and no one has realised but I feel ok because I don't have to use the head space worrying about them, ensuring I call etc.

It's not a patch on your situation, but I think you are doing the right thing

You are so much better of without them!! Well done OP!!!🥳💚💙🩵💜

The nursery report is an absolute outrage op agree with others that you need to deal with that very firmly.
Enjoy disney and fuck the lot of them

Thank you! I think I'll see how we do this Christmas, give myself a bit of a breather when we get back, and then start to think about what to do next year. Maybe we'll host friends/accept invites (I'm sure this will be easier without my family involved, and we have friends overseas who I think would love to come with more notice) or we'll just travel somewhere amazing each year and that'll be our tradition 🤩

Right now I don't ever want a Christmas dinner at home again so definitely need to let the emotions calm down before I plan anything, or even commit to anything in my head 😂

Absolutely agree with Grinch123, how dare they contact your daughters nursery because they won't get a few presents! Absolutely not okay that they have done that. If I were you I'd be telling them straight "I cancelled christmas because you are a bunch of ungrateful cunts, if you dare contact any of my friends or my child's nursery about me again, I'll cut you out completely"
They are old enough to sort their own christmas you have absolutely NOTHING to feel guilty about. Their behaviour is outrageous!

Magic Kingdom gets packed around 11 (it does kind of close but never to hotel guests) so we usually get there for early opening and leave as it gets packed to go to Grand Floridian hotel for lunch and to see all the Christmas Decorations back to hotel then Epcot in the evening!

Discovrry Cove - most of the stuff is 6 and a lot of snorkelling so she may be too old

download mydisneyexperience and join itsorlandotime on facebook

we always hired a stroller from kingdom strollers they drop off and collect from your hotel

This is so kind, thank you 😍 I'm absolutely sold on us doing Disney now (+ it's non-refundable 😂) but the offer is lovely!

Hope you have a wonderful time with your teens 🙂

2 were pre kids in 2003 and 2004 so very different!
mine are now 15 and 12 and planning next year having not been since 2022 - GCSEs this year so next year will be less stressful

Right, off to draft out a firm text, and try and get some work done or at least book some Disney bits but appreciate all the support! Will update more later on 🙂

Oh hurray! I searched for a follow thread and here you are. 🤩Wow. They are surpassing themselves aren't they! Trying h to get in your home, calling nursery. Thank heavens for your Mumsnet championeers shining a light on the way forward. You are amazing OP and a wonderful example to DD of how to be strong and resilient. I'm excited for you both ❤️