Cancelling Christmas Pt 2 - Updates

[Grinch123]

Hi all,

Know the last thread here filled up very quickly and there were so many wonderful and supportive comments that got me through a very tough 24 hours! Thank you if you contributed, it meant a lot 🙂

Starting a part 2 to provide updates/vent, (and take any Disney planning advice 😂) as a few people have asked and also I know I'll need more support over the next few weeks as it's been tough! If you want to stick around on this thread, I'd appreciate it.

Updates from yesterday:

Dropped off all Christmassy foods/stocking fillers etc at our local Foodbank. Couldn't get through to anyone at the charity that supports refuges - I'm in the office today but have emailed a nearby school to see if they want the bits to raffle off at their fayre this weekend.

Locks are changed! Thought this was a bit of an overreaction but DSis tried to come over again last night (we weren't in) so I guess not.

Told DD about Disney, she's ridiculously excited and I think young enough she doesn't realise this = missing out on a 'family' Christmas. Also bought festive Minnie PJs and Christmas ears online.

Family are being a nightmare. I have messages from all of them on pretty much any site you can message a person on (WhatsApp/messenger/texts/loads of missed calls) - everything from begging/emotional manipulation, to being told to F off (by a parent!) for screwing up Christmas because I like to use my money to control everyone and play with peoples feelings 😅 Also messages from mutual friends checking in because siblings have told them I've 'lost the plot' ~ and a concerned call from DDs nursery, evidently one of them has called the nursery worried about my mental health and asked if they could check in?! Thankfully the nursery haven't shared any info with them at all (they don't do any pick ups etc) but it was a painful conversation to have!

I've disassociated with it and messaged them all, once, along the lines of 'life is really busy at the moment, will look forward to catching up when we get back but I do need some space.' I think it's been a scales dropping from my eyes moment, because I'm sure lots of this would've worked on me in the past, but now it's just making me mad 😬

I hope you had a really lovely and special day, you and little Grinch.

You've done one of the hardest things you can ever do in life, standing up to family who are being abusive. Well done!

I've been thinking about you @Grinch123 and hoping that you and little grinch got away on your holiday, so it was lovely to see your post.

I'm so glad you made it to such a fabulous place for Christmas. Just focus on the two of you having a wonderful Christmas together and the rest can wait until you are home. Merry Christmas🎄

Lovely update - thanks, OP and keep enjoying your special time together. Anything else will wait!

Thanks for the update, OP. Like everyone else here (and undoubtedly all your friends), I’m delighted that you’re having a good time with DD.

Every day is the first day of the rest of your life. So I hope this is the start of a new and happy chapter for you and DD.

HAPPY NEW YEAR @Grinch123

So glad you made it to Disney. I hope it doesn’t come to a SS visit when you get home but I’m sure you have lots of messages etc from your ‘family’ that you can show to highlight the malicious nature of any reports.

I hope you are having a wonderful time starting your own traditions with your daughter.

Happy new year!

Happy New Year! Hope the cruise is going well.

@Grinch123 How are things now you're back home?

Thank you all for the New Year wishes - hoping everyone has a great 2025 🥳

@courageandwisdom good thank you. I didn't want to put too many (more!) details on here as it kind of descended into chaos/awful things being said/lots of drama but I have gone no contact with everyone now. Family has gone radio silent, house was fine on our return. I'm due a social services visit at some point but time/date hasn't been confirmed - I've called twice since we've been back but not gotten through to the lady I was talking with before Christmas - I don't think it'll be a problem 🤞

Disney was incredible - truly incredible - but I definitely missed the UK/hosting and was quite lonely so have already started putting out tentative queries to see which friends might want to spend Christmas at ours next year 😂

Thanks again for all the support and kind words - not sure I would've stuck my ground without these threads 😅 I've come back and re-read them many times! I apologise for not updating more but it did get pretty crazy!

Well done you! It's so hard to go no contact but i imagine your life will feel a lot less stressful from now on! Stay stong, you've done the hardest part!

Glad you and your DD had a great Xmas holiday OP.

I think it will feel a bit lonely at times going NC... but in your case it does sound as though you needed to protect yourself and DD from their exploitative, undermining behaviour.

You and your DD deserve to have the peace of mind of being around people who treat you well. They are out there.

It might also feel lonely or empty simply because of the head space your family used to occupy. If I were you, I’d try to reframe it as time reclaimed for yourself and your daughter for you to put to good use. So instead of feeling miserable at how they’ve put you down at Xmas, you get to spend it with people who will build you up. Also you will fill your calendar with friends now you have more free time for them. The future is bright for you

I'm so glad you had a great time with little Grinch. You can create whatever Christmas's you want from now on, on your terms. Wishing you a fabulously happy New Year 🥳x

Thanks for updating. So pleased you both had a wonderful time.

I wouldn't worry about SS, they'll suss it out I'm sure.

Keep moving forward, it's so sad what's happened but none of this is your creation its theirs, for you the penny just dropped. 💐

Holy crap, I've just read these two threads - massive unmumsnetty hugs! What an absolute bunch of bastards they are, and in contrast what a lovely person you are! I am so glad you had a lovely Christmas, and I hope it is the first of many similar! Much respect for how strong you are!!

I'm not surprised you've had to go NC with the lot of them. THey sound awful and selfish and entitled, frankly, and you don't want your daughter exposed to all that.

I hope you build a lovely community with your friends going forward.

I’m so glad you had a wonderful time, I had wondered how it all went. Did your daughter enjoy herself? Did you get to do character dining after all?

It was lovely to see your update Op and I'm glad you DD had a wonderful time at Disney.

I think the feelings you had about missing hosting Christmas at yours is perfectly understandable. You have been doing this for years, trying to create an idea of a perfect Christmas with a loving family around you and DD, it's the fantasy that lots of us would like. Except you know now that this was all an illusion based on you doing all the giving and the loving and your family doing all the taking with no reciprocation. This of course has been confirmed ten fold, based on their reaction and behaviour since you withdrew. It will take time to adjust to the fact your dream of the loving family unit is over with your particular family.

However, there is more than one type of family. I'm sure that you will go on to forge relationships with friends that will nurture you and DD with reciprocal love and friendship and care. You were unlucky enough to be born into a toxic, fucked up family, but they don't define you and now that you can see the truth you are finally free to build a future with people that deserve your love.

You have been brave ripping off the plaster and I have no doubt you will continue to be brave. I really wish you a peaceful and healing 2025.

Bon courage Op.

Thanks for the update, OP. Glad everything went well. I hope, going forward, that you always get to have the kind of Christmases that fill your heart and feed your soul. You deserve it!

One thing I’d like you to remember (and I know you know this but sometimes old habits die hard) is no longer to pour yourself into anyone who doesn’t reciprocate. Love and relationships are a two-way street. Someone who cares about you WILL find a way to give back to you, regardless of their material status. As you said, a box of chocolates once a year would have been enough for you! (For me, my favourite fruit or a bunch of supermarket tulips does the trick just as well.) If they don’t even try, that’s your red flag right there. Run don’t walk!

Nothing much more to say except I’m wishing you and your little one all the very best for the future. I know it will be bright. 💐

I think @LardoBurrows and @Safirexx have hit the nail on the head! Glad to hear your doing well op x

Hi OP @Grinch123 this thread popped into my head and I was wondering how things were, a few months on?

Hi @Grinch123 I know it’s been a while. How has the year been for you? Hope
your and your dd are doing well

Hi OP, you came into my thoughts today, I hope you and your DD are well and looking forward to a happy and peaceful Christmas this year x

I’ve been thinking about you too. I hope you have a wonderful time , and that you enjoy Christmas this year without the shadow of everything that went before last years x