Cancelling Christmas Pt 2 - Updates

[Grinch123]

Hi all,

Know the last thread here filled up very quickly and there were so many wonderful and supportive comments that got me through a very tough 24 hours! Thank you if you contributed, it meant a lot 🙂

Starting a part 2 to provide updates/vent, (and take any Disney planning advice 😂) as a few people have asked and also I know I'll need more support over the next few weeks as it's been tough! If you want to stick around on this thread, I'd appreciate it.

Updates from yesterday:

Dropped off all Christmassy foods/stocking fillers etc at our local Foodbank. Couldn't get through to anyone at the charity that supports refuges - I'm in the office today but have emailed a nearby school to see if they want the bits to raffle off at their fayre this weekend.

Locks are changed! Thought this was a bit of an overreaction but DSis tried to come over again last night (we weren't in) so I guess not.

Told DD about Disney, she's ridiculously excited and I think young enough she doesn't realise this = missing out on a 'family' Christmas. Also bought festive Minnie PJs and Christmas ears online.

Family are being a nightmare. I have messages from all of them on pretty much any site you can message a person on (WhatsApp/messenger/texts/loads of missed calls) - everything from begging/emotional manipulation, to being told to F off (by a parent!) for screwing up Christmas because I like to use my money to control everyone and play with peoples feelings 😅 Also messages from mutual friends checking in because siblings have told them I've 'lost the plot' ~ and a concerned call from DDs nursery, evidently one of them has called the nursery worried about my mental health and asked if they could check in?! Thankfully the nursery haven't shared any info with them at all (they don't do any pick ups etc) but it was a painful conversation to have!

I've disassociated with it and messaged them all, once, along the lines of 'life is really busy at the moment, will look forward to catching up when we get back but I do need some space.' I think it's been a scales dropping from my eyes moment, because I'm sure lots of this would've worked on me in the past, but now it's just making me mad 😬

OP,

I would read up on "FOG" - fear, guilt, obligation.
Also - I know you don't think it would get that bad - but please screenshot everything off every mode of communication, and email it to yourself.

They might get really unhinged in the future and you'd need to go to the police with evidence, to get them to leave you alone.

Also - this started because you're finally fully truthful to yourself.
Their vile behaviours thrive in the shadows, when people aren't able to shine light on them.

Shine light on them. It would reduce their power.
I would start sharing all this with your friends. Including some of the screenshots!

Best of luck OP - remember, if you think you're being too strong - you're not - you're doing what's needed for you and your DD.

Presumably she was planning to hunt around for the presents you've already bought?

Have a wonderful holiday!

Wow, @Grinch123 never have I been more delighted to see how you have started to see the wood for the trees, but at the same time, I’m sad for you because I know (from experience) just how disappointing and upsetting it is to see just how little we mean to people.

i suppose the only thing to focus on is that deep down you knew these people were not good people, at least now you know just how shallow they are and what they’ve been doing for the past few years; taking you for an absolute mug.

mug no more! Enjoy Disney! Sounds like a magical new tradition 😊

She tried to use her key, but it didn't work! I wasn't in anyway, just saw the Ring video (and she messaged me).

No one has offered to host or contribute in the barrage of messages. The expectation I think is I'll cave and end up hosting - there's been a lot messages along the lines of, 'well, if you can't host we'll end up by ourselves as no one has space/money to host' ~ they all live alone except DB, who lives with his girlfriend, everyone's in small housing association flats/houses. Obviously they could fit everyone in somewhere at a pinch, but it's easier (for them) to do it at mine. Also I tend to go all out with the food/snacks/alcohol/takeaways, and I know they won't be able to afford that without me.

Yes, if there were any presents left for them you can be sure she would have taken them

Well done OP for finding your voice. I am celebrating what you have done!

@Grinch123 your dsis was planning on burgling you. Wow. That’s something else. If she was going to just “surprise” you, she’d have seen the signs you weren’t in and left it.

its not worth calling her out on this, just bank it. You’re going to have more stuff to bank too I think.

I think you're right. I've been thinking it's just them trying to get me to engage with them, but actually contacting social services/making false claims is something one of them has done before (not related to me - I'd actually forgotten about it as was a while back).

DONT YOU DARE CAVE 🤣

You're doing amazing in what is really a horrible situation.

I really hope you and your daughter have a wonderful Christmas and start to make your own traditions moving forward.

I'm just so sorry thar they never appreciated you.

I imagine DSIS was going to take “all the presents that are rightfully theirs “

Clearly this has gone way beyond what people are doing for Christmas. Nobody would react this way to being told a family member wouldn’t be hosting or participating this year. It’s definitely their wider realisation that you have woken up and seen them for the selfish greedy freeloading cunts they really are.

The problem for them is the end of the gravy train. No loans/gifts of money. No extravagant presents. And worst of all, no offering yourself up to be the target of abuse for their collective amusement.

It is an awful lot to take in but you are doing brilliantly. If you haven’t already done so, check out the Stately Homes threads in Relationships. You will recognise a lot of what you read, and it will help you to feel less alone.

Nothing about this situation is your fault. You have a DD. Imagine calling her a cunt because she decided to take her child on holiday over Christmas??!!!!

Stay strong.

I'll adopt you @Grinch123 .
Don't need presents.
Got a big enough house and will give you a lovely Christmas!
Mind you, you'd have to share with 2 teens.
😍

@Grinch123 You’ve done so well. It’s really difficult to finally see the light about your own family. I notice in their messages to you, not one of them had asked if you are ok. If you needed help with anything. They are too self centred to even think that doing what you did every Christmas was getting to much.

The fact that your own mother told you to ‘F off’ tells you all you need to know. Their Christmas Turkey gravy train has come to a grinding halt.

I was thinking about you and your DD all day yesterday, hoping you were ok. Have the most fantastic time away. You both really deserve it. Don’t feel guilt about your family, you are doing what your mum told you to do…..EFing off to Disney!

Your family will have to sort themselves out for this Christmas and the coming Christmases. They are not your responsibility.

Happy Christmas OP

OP, you sound lovely and you deserve far more than the family you got! Hope you’ll have the absolute best time away!

A small Christmas isn’t the end of the world. I’m an only child and I often just spend Christmas with my mum and dad, it was lovely! You will develop your own traditions and it sounds like you’re very good anyway at making Christmas magical ☺️

The cynical in me suspects that as you weren't in your sister was going to take the opportunity to relieve you of the presents they believe already belong to them.

Wow, I've just read your posts on the other thread. OMG, love it all!! You are taking back your power after a lifetime of being treated badly and it is inspiring and uplifting. What a great example you are to so many people who struggle with difficult families. The behaviour of calling your daughter's nursery is so telling, they literally don't give a shit about you or her if they are willing to get you into trouble as a mother because you don't want to host Christmas. Remember this act of theirs in the future when they try to guilt trip you into doing their bidding again, Stay strong and replace them over time with friends who feel like family and who treat you as a person they value not as a bank machine. Have the most amazing Christmas holiday, you deserve it! x

Well done! I am a fairly Disney Christmas Pro (9 times) so feel free to ask any questions!
Definitley hire a pushchair though - where are you staying

Stay strong op. I'm concerned re them contacting the nursery and making force claims.....might get worth keeping a record of events in case it needs reporting to the police.

Just here to support you OP. You're doing great. Don't cave!

You’re doing amazingly, OP. Stay strong. Their reactions show you everything you need to know.

As they have never deigned to buy you anything in past years, do you think your brother originally meant to put the Secret Santa message on the family chat you aren’t on?

Even if he didn’t, it just shows he’s never registered you aren’t bought anything, so just shows how deep the complacency and expectation goes.

Well done and keep the boundaries please

'life is really busy at the moment, will look forward to catching up when we get back but I do need some space.'

You’re not saying what you mean though are you? You’re extending this for yourself. They don’t seem to be able to take hints, and they rule by manipulation and bullying. I think they need to be told that for years they’ve taken advantage of you and it’s now stopping. That no amount of manipulation and bullying is going to change your mind and if you get wind that any more spurious or false allegations are made against you such as the one made to nursery then you will be calling the police.

I've read your last thread but haven't commented but have to now. Your family are so ungrateful I almost can't believe it
You go out of your way to get them what they want and they get you nothing???
It was my child's birthday and not a single message to say happy birthday, let alone a call, a present is out of the realms of possibility. I'd have been so happy that anyone remembered and messaged but nothing, zilch.

Its shocking to me that yours are so unappreciative.

And I get it, you can buy whatever you like but receiving even a token gift shows you matter

Good for you!!

Disney World will be incredible over Christmas and your little one won’t even realise she isn’t having a family Christmas!
As it’s short notice, not sure what chance you stand but have you thought about character dining? My daughter was 2 when we went & we did Crystal Palace with Winnie the Pooh characters which was lovely!
I know it’s another thing to think of but worth having a look / keeps you busy planning bits like that!

Thank you! 9 is impressive, DD's only been once, and never at Christmas, so I'm very excited! We're staying at [hotel name redacted] - will be there 10 days (Inc Christmas Day!) and then onto a short Disney cruise over NYE/NYD. Someone mentioned on the last thread that the parks are rammed on Christmas Day itself so I'm thinking I'll book Discovery Cove for that day. Any more tips gratefully received 🤞