Cancelling Christmas Pt 2 - Updates

[Grinch123]

Hi all,

Know the last thread here filled up very quickly and there were so many wonderful and supportive comments that got me through a very tough 24 hours! Thank you if you contributed, it meant a lot 🙂

Starting a part 2 to provide updates/vent, (and take any Disney planning advice 😂) as a few people have asked and also I know I'll need more support over the next few weeks as it's been tough! If you want to stick around on this thread, I'd appreciate it.

Updates from yesterday:

Dropped off all Christmassy foods/stocking fillers etc at our local Foodbank. Couldn't get through to anyone at the charity that supports refuges - I'm in the office today but have emailed a nearby school to see if they want the bits to raffle off at their fayre this weekend.

Locks are changed! Thought this was a bit of an overreaction but DSis tried to come over again last night (we weren't in) so I guess not.

Told DD about Disney, she's ridiculously excited and I think young enough she doesn't realise this = missing out on a 'family' Christmas. Also bought festive Minnie PJs and Christmas ears online.

Family are being a nightmare. I have messages from all of them on pretty much any site you can message a person on (WhatsApp/messenger/texts/loads of missed calls) - everything from begging/emotional manipulation, to being told to F off (by a parent!) for screwing up Christmas because I like to use my money to control everyone and play with peoples feelings 😅 Also messages from mutual friends checking in because siblings have told them I've 'lost the plot' ~ and a concerned call from DDs nursery, evidently one of them has called the nursery worried about my mental health and asked if they could check in?! Thankfully the nursery haven't shared any info with them at all (they don't do any pick ups etc) but it was a painful conversation to have!

I've disassociated with it and messaged them all, once, along the lines of 'life is really busy at the moment, will look forward to catching up when we get back but I do need some space.' I think it's been a scales dropping from my eyes moment, because I'm sure lots of this would've worked on me in the past, but now it's just making me mad 😬

Oh and yes, mute the chat or leave it or block the lot of them!

The only thing I would say is the fact this story has made any kind of news shows how shocking and awful ops predicament and family are. It should never be used like this, but it does somewhat highlight how bad things are.

I didn’t read the whole previous thread or this one to be honest but I’m so glad you have done what you’ve done and the scales have fallen. Don’t be swayed by them. They are astonishingly horrible and I have seen a lot of horrible.

I’m stunned that one of them tried to go into your home knowing you weren’t there. I dread to think what the surprise would have been.

Wishing you and your DC an amazing time at Disneyland.

Keep focusing on you and your DD OP don't be derailed from what you know is right. They will be using evert trick in the book from emotional blackmail to illnesses etc to get what they want!

FWIW your strength made me realise the levels my own DB stoops to in order to get his own way and after a particularly colourful last hissy fit I also decided enough is enough and blocked him. We shouldn't accept shitty behaviour simply "because we are family". It's still wrong and not acceptable and I'm very glad and at peace of saying enough. I hope you and DD have an epic time away making memories and enjoying a special time together.

This, OP.

Give yourself a break by retreating from it all.

They're going to ramp the pressure as they're desperate for you to change your mind and do what THEY want.

Just remember that you're not just putting your foot down for yourself - you're also standing up for DD, and to change plans now to suit them over her would be cruel.

Chin up and crack a bottle of bucks fizz and a tin of Quality Street.x.

Well done @Scottishskifun that's a hugely liberating step you've just taken!

As someone who went through something similar with family, had them ramp up in response (one who barely texted before suddenly couldn't leave me alone!), got overwhelmed from their drama and schemes and threats of police, and did cave to the pressure, let me tell you...

Don't do it. Even when I partially relented to appease them it still wasn't enough and they eventually did end up involving the police! And you know what? It was miserable. BUT, after years of living under the threat I realised... it wasn't the end of the world. I wasn't hauled off to jail. I wasn't put in the loony bin. Apparently adults are allowed to choose to not visit family, who knew? When you stop reading and listening to someone's drama, it's a lot harder for them to create drama in your life.

Mute, temp-block, archive chats and change settings to not show new notifications on archived chats, schedule-send an email for season's greetings to the family reminding them you're away and can't be reached, filter emails to skip inbox and be placed in a "famdram" folder... whatever it takes, OP. Just stop reading, at least until you two are back from your cruise. I promise you, it will be fine. You will be fine. No more stress. Time for Christmas cheer and peace - if not on earth or in the family then at least in your home.

I’m so sorry it sounds like a really tough time but looks like you’ve handled it well - bravo to you

Just popping on to say that I hope you're ok - you're doing the absolute best thing for your and your DD, it will never stop otherwise, nothing will ever be good enough for them! The absolute cheek to not even go to the effort of a token present for you when you have gone all out to create these lovely magical christmases for them, it's a total disgrace!

Sometimes the family you build are better than the family you're born into. Xx

Have a wonderful Xmas Grinch and little Grinch! Hope you’re doing ok and get to focus on yourself - you come across as a genuine and lovely person x

I hope you are on your way to Disney and have a great time @Grinch123

I hope you're having a wonderful time with your DD OP 🥰🎅🏻🌲🎄

@Grinch123 I sincerely hope you and your wee girl are having a fantastic time at Disney for christmas and that things have settled down on the family front. good luck to you both xxxx

We made it, and although there's been plenty of drama since the original thread, and probably a social services visit when we get home, we are here and it's so special ✨ Just done our stockings when we woke up all cuddled up in bed, will take it easy today and do exactly as we please.

Thanks again for all the support. Merry Christmas everyone!

Have fun!!

Merry christmas op! X

Oh thank goodness you went ahead with your plans, for one awful second I thought you were going to say that you had stayed at home.

have a lovely Christmas ! I am sure your little one will enjoy it all so much !

@Grinch123 Well done for standing your ground. Your DD will have a wonderful Christmas memory of a lovely time instead of you running yourself ragged for your entitled, ungrateful and vindictive bastards who call themselves family. If they have called social services OP they have freed you of any obligations to them and I would go NC after that because you could never trust them again.

Happy Christmas OP 🎄🎄🎁🎁🎅🎅

Social services?!

Your family sound completely batshit!

Merry Christmas Grinch and mini Grinch. Enjoy the break and have some well deserved fun and a break from the toxicity. x

Have a great time Op! So glad you’re enjoying yourself with your child. When you’re back, time to think about moving house, it will separate you from their toxicity. Seems drastic to some but considering they’re calling social services on you, doesn’t seem they care about you beyond being their ATM.

Merry Christmas have a totally splendiferous time

Have amazing Christmas op!

Dare I ask who is hosting out of your cf family or are they all just complaining

Well done @Grinch123 . Have an amazing time and try not to borrow worry from when you get home. Also consider going NC, this clearly shows they only want what they can get from you and don’t care about you as a person so they don’t deserve to have you and DD in their lives.