Cancelling Christmas Pt 2 - Updates

[Grinch123]

Hi all,

Know the last thread here filled up very quickly and there were so many wonderful and supportive comments that got me through a very tough 24 hours! Thank you if you contributed, it meant a lot 🙂

Starting a part 2 to provide updates/vent, (and take any Disney planning advice 😂) as a few people have asked and also I know I'll need more support over the next few weeks as it's been tough! If you want to stick around on this thread, I'd appreciate it.

Updates from yesterday:

Dropped off all Christmassy foods/stocking fillers etc at our local Foodbank. Couldn't get through to anyone at the charity that supports refuges - I'm in the office today but have emailed a nearby school to see if they want the bits to raffle off at their fayre this weekend.

Locks are changed! Thought this was a bit of an overreaction but DSis tried to come over again last night (we weren't in) so I guess not.

Told DD about Disney, she's ridiculously excited and I think young enough she doesn't realise this = missing out on a 'family' Christmas. Also bought festive Minnie PJs and Christmas ears online.

Family are being a nightmare. I have messages from all of them on pretty much any site you can message a person on (WhatsApp/messenger/texts/loads of missed calls) - everything from begging/emotional manipulation, to being told to F off (by a parent!) for screwing up Christmas because I like to use my money to control everyone and play with peoples feelings 😅 Also messages from mutual friends checking in because siblings have told them I've 'lost the plot' ~ and a concerned call from DDs nursery, evidently one of them has called the nursery worried about my mental health and asked if they could check in?! Thankfully the nursery haven't shared any info with them at all (they don't do any pick ups etc) but it was a painful conversation to have!

I've disassociated with it and messaged them all, once, along the lines of 'life is really busy at the moment, will look forward to catching up when we get back but I do need some space.' I think it's been a scales dropping from my eyes moment, because I'm sure lots of this would've worked on me in the past, but now it's just making me mad 😬

Link doesn't work, but it's here To cancel Christmas unless I'm given a present? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/5227116-to-cancel-christmas-unless-im-given-a-present

Thanks OP. They are just gutted their lists of presents are no longer available.

I'm so sorry that your family are behaving so appallingly op.

They are mad because they've lost control over you and your money.
Now that you have seen the light, I hope you will keep your boundaries up OP.
It really isn't your responsibility to make everything nice for them. They think you are their resource to use with no thought of reciprocating. All the effort you made, and money you spent on them could have been saved for your daughter. I am so glad for you that you are going to have a lovely Christmas! 🎄

My god, they really went all out and accuse you of losing the plot!! Honestly, they have lost the plot especially whichever one called nursery. I'm not sure I could forgive that.

You're going on holiday with your daughter, and agreed to take part in secret Santa. Which was their idea in the first place. Hardly going off the rails!

I have been following your thread and I am honestly shocked that your family has stooped so low as to contact your daughter nursery just because they now won’t be getting their expensive presents and mini “jolly holiday” all expenses paid Christmas at yours!! How disgusting. They have shown very clearly that they value your bank account more than you and your daughter. This is all their own doing by being so rude, jealous and uncaring toward you when all you have tried to do is show love to them.
I am sorry you have now woken up to this as it must hurt but I am sorry pleased you are taking your daughter to Disney and focusing your money, time and energy on your daughter rather than your ungrateful family.
Good luck and I hope you have a fantastic Christmas away x

When your parent tells you to F off, there is nothing more to say is there..

Bunch of leeches..

You are such a badass, @Grinch123. Keep strong!

Appalling.

Do you have a ring camera at your door, to capture video of your unhinged sister?

Good for you for breaking this toxic cycle.

Well done OP, you have done something really beneficial for yourself and your daughter - I'm impressed !

No more Bank of Grinch for them!

👏👏👏👏👏👏

Well done, @Grinch123 Have a wonderful time with your daughter on holiday.

Your family need to try and improve their situation if they want nice things-

Like - I dunno- getting a job?!

I saw ( adult) son last night and mentioned that your parents didn’t even bother to go to your Graduation- yet they want your largesse!
( We were talking about selfish parents)

Son was shocked 😮 that they wouldn’t turn up to support you.

Well done OP. I hope you and your daughter have a fabulous time at Disney, and hope you can use this as a reset of your relationship with your family. I really get you, I’ve a been in a similar position of trying to use money to fix things that aren’t fixable.

In future years you can still really enjoy the preparation for Christmas without needing to be your family’s unthanked piggy bank. I’m hosting a Christmas party for 20 next week, and really enjoying planning the menu and decorating the house. You can do lovely Christmas markets with your daughter, or trips to Lapland, and make fab memories of the two of you snuggled up in the snow with hot chocolate. You just need to let go of the “what should have been” myth with your family❤️, allow yourself to grieve for it and then move forward

The fact you did all this for them and they couldn't even het you a box of chocolates speaks volumes. Focus on what's important and stay strong. Hopefully they will realise they have taken advantage of you and apologise with the aim of building a good relationship going forward. Please never fo back to how you were with them though

I’m excited for you! New chapter, new traditions! You honestly sound like such a lovely woman, well done dor not turning out like your family. This is a fresh start, start putting away the thousands you will have saved to travel the world with your daughter, maybe a safari next! Get her into a great school, have a fabulous life. Make your own beautiful friends and family traditions.
you are doing so well. And I LOVE that you are sharing so much joy by redistributing the gifts, what a hero xxx

Glad you have held strong, OP. What happened when Sis tried to come over? Did she try and use her key and did she get in?

What are family expecting you to do, reinstate your hosting and your presents? Or are they suggesting something different like they will host?

The first sentence there looks spot on. To suggest you have been or are controlling them with your money suggests to me they are panicking and lashing out because suddenly THEY don’t have control of your money - or you - any more.

Your doing great Op …

The realisation of this stuff is pretty tough .

i am assuming you have checked your passport dates ?

Good for you OP! I'm so upset your dd's nursery was called and your parent told you to F off. So incredibly hurtful. I'm glad you're using all this to fuel a healthy anger and keeping your boundary up.

I do! There wasn't anything crazy/harassing though, just her trying to get in and then leaving when she realised she couldn't! She messaged to say she was disappointed I'd changed the locks as she was hoping to 'surprise' me. However I clearly wasn't in (car not there, lights off) so not sure what she was planning to do if she did get in!

Oh @Grinch123 their behaviour is shocking and really showing their true colours.

I wouldn’t even bother with the nice message’s now. I’d just grey rock them.

you can create your own family and circle of friends that don’t include such grabby users.

Good for you OP, have a great time with dd at Disney and the rest of your toxic family can sulk, whinge, argue among themselves and then fuck off out of your lives. They are total money grabbing cunts.
You will be so much better off without them.

Yes! Passports/ESTAs etc all sorted. We travel a fair amount anyway so luckily everything is still in date.

As a PP has said - I'm not sure I could forgive them calling my child's nursery. They sound quite dangerous if I'm honest. You're calmer than I would be! I've followed your thread from the beginning and am over the moon that you have booked Disney, you'll both love it- it's the most magical place at Christmas!

Look for the presents?:)

'life is really busy at the moment, will look forward to catching up when we get back but I do need some space.'

Given the seriousness of them making an allegation about your mental health to your DD's nursery, the above really doesn't cut it. You should be telling them that they've crossed a line and you are furious and any further attempts by them to emotionally harm your child or damage your reputation will result in you cutting them all off for good. Because what's next? Calling your boss with a similar lie? Making an egregious report to social services? I don't think you can downplay this, @Grinch123.