To take my 2 year old to work tomorrow?

[IceCreamMum]

I’m a single mum and I don’t have any other choice as the childcare I had arranged for tomorrow has just fallen through now. I don’t know how my boss will react to me just turning up with DD, I can’t ask him as he’s not answering his phone and he won’t see my email until tomorrow morning when it will be too late anyway. I’m a member of senior management (Head of Department at a Zoo) and unfortunately I can’t work from home tomorrow, I have to be on the site tomorrow one way or another due to work commitments. Would I be unreasonable to take DD to work with me tomorrow? I don’t have any other option whatsoever and I also don’t have anyone else that I can ask for childcare this late either.

Your boss will be mostly pissed off that you’re repeatedly trying to make contact late at night! Glad you got something sorted in the end.

I hope it has all worked out ok OP. I know that must have been really stressful.

I think in the future perhaps you need to have a proper chat with your boss and ask what their steer is in general about you doing this in the future. They may be fine in which case it will cause you a lot less stress if it happens again. If they’re not ok with this then I think you need to sit down and have a proper think about emergency childcare. It is incredibly hard being a single parent but if you are working then you need to have some sort of backup in situations like this.

Any kind of meeting where no one else has the knowledge, experience or authority that the OP has.
There is one head of department. Not 2.

Sounds like you're sorted for today but as a single parent I really do think you need to have a robust back-up plan (or 2!). Register with sitters or one of the other agencies, book a couple of trial runs/meet & greet sessions and keep their details for future use. Or I saw someone posting on our village facebook recently looking to 'adopt a granny' & they were inundated! Young couple & baby without any local family looking for an older lady to take on the role of granny - occasional babysitting, helping out in the odd childcare emergency, join the family for sunday lunch and generally be a part of their life. No idea how/if it worked but if I didn't have my family support network around I thought it was a really nice idea linking up with someone who might be lonely.

I know you are uncomfortable with emergency Nannie's but you do need a plan b for such incidents that isn't take a 2 year old to work. Whether it's her other parent takes time off, a family member or yes a paid sitter. Perhaps get to know someone who is recently retired who actually may enjoy occasional work helping you out, I help my neighbour out occasionally (I won't take money but you can pay as you would a babysitter)

Well done OP! Hope you both have a lovely day at the zoo.
i was a Velcro child so I used to go to work with my mum two days a week aged 2 to 4, and sit under her desk and play. She did accounting. I used to play with the secretary’s child who did the same!

This is the difference between a self motivated professional and a jobs worth employee.

One says "I really need to attend this meeting, how can I make this work"

The other says "I'm entitled to leave"

Obviously there are additional considerations and the child's welfare is paramount. But in this situation of an exceptionally important meeting that can't be rearranged or done from home, and a child that is well, to immediately jump to "computer says no and I will stay home" is not a great mindset to have.

Any kind of meeting where no one else has the knowledge, experience or authority that the OP has.There is one head of department. Not 2.

How ridiculous. There must be Delegates in every situation. What if OP had a car accident on the way in, is in hospital for several weeks, then a rehab unit for a few months. Work life would go on. Meetings would go on with other people, life doesn’t stop because a HOD is out of action! Even if it wasn’t long term and OP had an accident on the way to work involving something minor but for which she still needed immediate emergency care (e.g. arm fracture), they would either reschedule the meeting or if not possible another decision maker would be appointed. No one, absolutely no one is indispensable. Not even Prime Minister’s, hence Deputy’s etc.

I worked as a receptionist for years and the senior colleagues used to do this - it was always me as the woman who ended up having to babysit, my male receptionist colleague never got asked. It was always "oh but he/she loves to see you..."

It used to drive me mad as I'd inevitably miss my lunch break and they'd never let me take it after I'd finished babysitting. It was as though my work was utterly disposable until the point where I needed to go and eat some food and take care of my own needs, at which point I became essential again.

This is surely what parental leave is for?!

That's sexist and wrong.

I think part of the reason might be that they are much happier to leave their child alone with a woman than a man as you're less likely to be a risk to the child.

Which is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for treating you in such a sexist way. You should have had much more extra time off to compensate you for their obvious sexist treatment of you vs your colleague.

Being treated like that is outrageous.

I've worked in very informal organisations where this would have been OK. And some other slightly less informal ones where it would still have been OK to bring DC in with someone who could look after them - e.g. book a Sitters sitter to do colouring with them in a spare meeting room.

This is fair, it's definitely an imposition

Although I do think that kids are a part of life so if you're dealing with baby loss etc, unfortunately kids can't be kept away from you outside of your own home 🥺

I do think though that as it's a one off, it will be okay. No worse than someone coming in with a cold and spreading it around

I agree. It's also socialisation and societal expectations - women are expected to love babies and want to fuss and coo over them, whereas men are entitled to ignore them entirely and nobody judges them.

Every example posted on the thread of receptionists, admin staff and PAs being asked to babysit colleagues' kids - I'd bet my bottom dollar they were all women.

I was once asked to babysit by my male boss when I was much younger and just starting out. I really did not want to do it as I had a lot of work, but didn’t feel I could say no.

OP, it’s your choice not to use a “stranger” as childcare. But if that’s your choice, it should be on you to care for your own child rather than trying to palm her off to your colleagues who may not feel they can say no (and yes, I’m guessing it’s a female colleague who has agreed).

At last! The voice of reason!
In these particular circumstances, it's the best solution.
-I'm standing by now for the onslaught-

Absolutely! I am a business partner to the Exec not a glorified childminder / tea maker / general skivvy! Chances are, I may well be in the meeting taking notes and actions!

Don't get me wrong, if they text me the night before and said absolute emergency any chance for that 30 mins, could you just entertain them, I'd likely say yes (I would probably also expect a lovely bunch of flowers / bottle of wine to be heading my way later as well!). Pitching up to the office child in toe and saying here watch the kid. No way!

It's been a while since my dc were nursery age so things may have changed, but a lot of the room staff at ours were happy to do ad hoc out of hours babysitting. If yours can would be worth getting some numbers maybe? Obvs depends on the reason nursery was shut, appropriate if they're closed for eg boiler breakdown, less so if massive sickness outbreak/some kind of Ofsted investigation.

If it’s people talking to each other then it absolutely could be held online,

I think your colleagues will say behind your back "Why didn't she just take the day off", while smiling and pretending that there is no issue with it

Funny thread, first reply how old is DD and what is your job 😂 info in title and post. Few replies down I agree with first reply 🤪 made me laugh anyway

I agree with this. I can’t imagine a meeting that genuinely can’t be moved / done remotely if it’s not with the zoo animals. You might not want someone to cover or re- arrange might be problematic…. Plus asking colleagues, who are also supposed to be working, to mind your child to allow you to work seems very self-important and inappropriate.

nursery’s close adhoc. Kids are sick. If you’re a working mum you need to build up a back up for next time because it will happen again. Even if it’s having a chat with your boss - perhaps they are happy for this to be acceptable in your work.

Also, it turns out this was 30 years ago! No way would a teacher be allowed to do this now

my point was only why not? What harm did it do? The teacher got on with teaching? The baby didn’t mind. The kids loved the baby. There were no losers.

tey Putting out a shout on your local neighbours Facebook or parenting groups, someone may know a local Ofsted registered childminders who can help. Whilst not ideal leaving LO with a stranger - maybe you could do half a day at work? It’s always good to have a local childminder. They are gold,

I'm talking about now. It would not be allowed because the opinion is that teachers have to focus on the students, not their baby, plus there are all manner of rules about lessons and classrooms that would preclude this nowadays.
Like I say, a lot changes in 30 years!