I know his secret…. Thread 3

[Waffletots]

Starting another thread because the last one is full.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226809-i-know-his-secret-thread-2?page=1

Thank you so much everyone for your messages, I appreciate them so much and you have truly helped me this past crazy few days to know I have so many people supporting me.
I’ve seen a solicitor this afternoon who has given me some good advice regarding finances and the legalities when it comes to our jointly owned home, a lot to get my head around but I feel a lot more informed now!
I’ve missed two calls from my husband since I last updated, I’m worried he’s going to come to the house to try and speak to me but hoping he may think my brother is still here and not bother!

Which element of my post are you referring to?

I would keep it even shorter. You have lost everything? You have certainly lost your mind if you think there is any way of coming back from this!

Sorry. The last bit. About him hating women! I expect it’s vice versa and this is a cowardly pay back. Awful post (his, not yours).

Just sending you lots of love ❤️

FairPlay you have handled this so amazingly! I wish I could have been the same (my world fell apart exactly this time of year, kids were older but still a struggle and I even thought of trying to ‘get passed it for the kids’ /financial reasons/ and frankly being terrified at having this happen and not knowing how to locked with such upheaval, even though deep down I knew I could never ever trust him or love him again). My ex was the same, barely asked how the children were, very in denial about the severity of what he (and my ex best friend) had down for the best part of a year, as if it could all be forgotten.

I don’t think your husband ever had any intention of leaving, I think he probably enjoyed the ego boost etc. my ex’s excuse was that I’d stopped asking how his day was…. Don’t listen to any excuses, no matter what he could say, it will never make up for what he’s done to you and your family, but I can pretty much guarantee he will be sorry very soon and regret this for a long long time.

on the other hand, you have nothing to regret. You sound so strong and have such a lovely support network, I’m not saying it’s easy, but you will get through this and be happy in your new normal. How you’re handling things for yourself and children is so admirable, I hope the birth all goes well and you and your family will be able to make the most of Christmas and a much better 2025 than what the end of this year has thrown at you

Hope you're doing alright op with your parents there

Good luck with the birth

"My impression is that you wanted him out for a long time, and after hearing from his new GF you got what you wanted. Otherwise you would have countenanced a dialogue and even forgiven him. No one is perfect. We also haven't heard his side of the story” @Mikex

I see the Daily Mail story has generated interest and brought with it, reader traffic from the UK’s finest.

Thankyou for offering a voice and perspective for cheating married men, they’re a marginalised group and need to be heard from, now more than ever. I am glad you have spoken out.

You’re doing amazing @Waffletots and I’m following now for baby news from afar. You sound like a fab mum and clearly have a lovely family and lots of support. What a stupid man your STBXH is, he really has lost so much and for what?

Keep on keeping on- you’ve this massive “nest of Vipers” behind you 100% 💪🏻

When your husband next makes contact or if you contact him re divorce, I wouldn’t mention him seeing the kids. He literally hasn’t asked after your 3 year old or the baby once. Just don’t mention them. Let him ask, and then of course be civil and make arrangements but don’t push it. Currently your CMS claim should be for 100% staying with you.

beware him going for 50:50 custody. He may request this to avoid paying child Maintenece.

Hello,

Please can we remind you that it is against our guidelines to troll hunt as it derails threads and causes strife and bad feeling, upsetting genuine OPs and delighting those who do happen to be trolls.

Please report any posts that concern you, and be mindful that we take action against persistent trollhunters.

Personally I would seek further legal advice before responding to any of his messages. Get an idea of what your options are and what you can/cannot do first and then operate within that framework.

With that information you can send a cold, factual, unemotional response to him that will protect your legal interests and that he can’t use to paint you as unreasonable. I would probably push for email contact only, to give you some space for the time being and an avenue for documentation.

At the moment he is desperate and scrambling because he doesn’t know what your plan is, whether you’re open to reconciliation, how easy you are to convince…how much you are actually aware of etc. He’s trying to suss you out. He is likely going to use labour and your child as an angle to get through to you soon.

I cant believe he still hasn't even said sorry!
It's all mememe how it's affecting him nevermind anyone else!

Hi OP, I hope you are doing ok? I hope the silence from you means you have some lovely news to share very soon with your loved ones (family and close friends)

Good luck with your new baby (maybe they are on their way or possibly already here) and savour every moment.

Sending you hugs and “stay strong” vibes.

Your strength and resolve are admirable.

I think you have handled this with a lot of dignity. I dont think there is any need to be in some form of contact with him right now and your brother and sister can be the intermediary when he does want to see the kids. You have an amazing family support network with you; and you have them and the strength to get through this.

To be fair… it was a batshit comparison.