I know his secret…. Thread 3

[Waffletots]

Starting another thread because the last one is full.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226809-i-know-his-secret-thread-2?page=1

Thank you so much everyone for your messages, I appreciate them so much and you have truly helped me this past crazy few days to know I have so many people supporting me.
I’ve seen a solicitor this afternoon who has given me some good advice regarding finances and the legalities when it comes to our jointly owned home, a lot to get my head around but I feel a lot more informed now!
I’ve missed two calls from my husband since I last updated, I’m worried he’s going to come to the house to try and speak to me but hoping he may think my brother is still here and not bother!

Your proposed message sounds very civilised. Not sure I could be that composed. I think I would be inclined to write…

You’ve lost everything?? I have lost everything, our children have lost everything. And it’s all YOUR doing. Hope Jane Bloggs was worth it. She has destroyed my life two weeks before my child is due and three weeks before Christmas. But that was her intention. You picked a real charmer there. Hope you and Jane have a lovely Christmas. I’ll pop you a WhatsApp to let you know when your second child is born (if you’re interested that is). You haven’t asked about DC1 since I saw the selfies of you and Jane in bed. They’re fine. Excited about Christmas obviously.

This business about opening a dialogue and his seeing his three year old is all well and good if you weren’t 38 weeks pregnant!

Have a dialogue with him and let him see his child in the new year when you are settled with your new baby.

You don’t need any more stress in your life.

I wouldn’t have suggested a time delay if you weren’t 38 weeks pregnant!

I was going to say something about Christmas and the virgin birth but it's not really funny.

@Mikex as someone else said - Fuck Off.

I remember Diana getting Lady Di in the tabloids. And Sarah Furguson was always Fergie. Catherine got off lightly with just Kate Middleton really.

You are a warrior woman ,
be proud of yourself,
know that you have done the right thing for your child and coming baby
I didn’t follow your brave example, and let my ex back in with his word salad and bullshit
now have finally got free from a completely narcissistic arse , have to deal with the huge emotional impact living with him has had on me and more importantly it’s had on my 20 year old daughter , it’s taking a huge amount of therapy to untangle her. It’s heartbreaking to see and know my part by staying with him.

I was completely taken in to , it’s because loving normal genuine people don’t even
think that others could behave in such a duplicitous way.
i wish you luck and all good things
in time you will heal and be so proud of yourself
keep your family close and stay strong

It might be wise to think about getting some STD tests done OP.

Honestly wish you didn't have to think about crap like that but it makes sense to make sure you haven't caught anything from that cheating slimeball.

Has the OW got in touch Op? How DARE the OW just earlier in the week text a heavily pregnant woman that’s she’s sleeping with her husband then just seemingly vanish with no consequences?? She’s just as bad if not worse than the H! He’s clearly a vile filthy dirty rat but she is woman and she knew she was texting a soon to be giving birth woman with a toddler! What if the shock made the woman made her go into an early labour and G forbid but something awful happened to the newborn baby? What this woman did and at precisely her timing i’m sorry that should be a criminal offence! She needs locking up over this! And if not then please find her her employers details and print what she sent to you or get lawyers advice first - and she has to be punished for this.

Well it is nearly Christmas

Nothing the OP has said has given any indication that she “wanted him out for a long time”. Quite the opposite. Go away.

Reading comprehension not your thing then? Try starting at thread 1 and catch up.

OP is 39 weeks pregnant and due to give birth any day (a Christmas miracle birth?) and was blindsided by a text from the OW a few days ago. She had no idea there was a problem in her marriage as she was pregnant with a planned baby all the time her H was having an affair with a co worker.

It is very nasty to attack a woman in the final stages of pregnancy who may even be giving birth now. She and the 3 year old do not need anymore stress from selfish men.

He was caught out bang to rights by his own mistress.

Nobody's perfect? We haven't heard his side? 😂😂😂
What could he possibly say that could undo what he's done?

And why would she have countenanced a dialogue and forgiven him? 😳

Cheating on your heavily pregnant wife when she's at her most vulnerable isn't forgivable. He's made this vulnerable and joyful time all about him and his dick.

If a woman witholds sex for three years because she wants to split with her husband it's 99.9% for a damn good reason.

You sound like you don't like women much.

No, it won't be a Miracle birth.

I was going to respond to that ridiculous post but this sums it up!

Urgh. Go away. What a delight you are.

It’s more likely vice versa and this is the release.

Hi @Waffletots. Letting you know what an absolute warrior you are. You’ve dealt with this so, so well. Like everyone else, I’m behind you. I’m a lone mum and you can do this. And your family sound wonderful.

If it’s not inappropriate to say, it’s probably a blessing you’ve found out now, as even your 3 year old will struggle to remember you and their dad being together. It gets harder for kids the older they are. Also probably a blessing for your 3 year old they’re about to have a new sibling, as the excitement of that will be a distraction from their dad being gone.

I don’t know what you’ve told your 3 year old about where their dad is, but they might be a bit confused/sad about it. I was never told anything as a child and felt I shouldn’t ask. It left me quite worried and anxious.

In case it helps, in my experience, with toddlers bright and breezy honesty is best. Something like, “Daddy’s not going to live with us anymore, but you’ll still see him”. And if pushed for a why, maybe something like: “Because that’s what’s best for us all”. Always best to say it in passing, as you would anything else, rather than a serious sit down talk, which can worry them. Always best to explain in simple language they understand.

Good luck with the birth ❤️

"Had a few messages again last night and today, seems panic is setting in for my husband who has now started to say things like “Come on (my name) I have lost everything here”, “Will you speak to me” and my personal favourite “it’s nearly Christmas” "

Respond with the contact details of your solicitor and inform him he can communicate with you only via them. Don't involve your family as go-betweens, keep it very clear and documented.

I'd respond with screenshots from the ow.

A different one each time he messaged.

He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.

Ditto to this ! My daughter too same age x
stay strong 💪🏻 wishing you peace and happiness.

@Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast

"I'd respond with screenshots from the ow.

A different one each time he messaged."

Ohh yes, this if he continues to message after you've told him to only communicate via your solicitor.

Who the fuck are you to come onto this thread and to start maligning the OP with all your menz rights shit.

OP has said that she thought that she had a very happy marriage with one child and a baby on the way until the other woman sent her proof of the year long affair with OP's husband.

You must be out of your tiny little mind if you think that OP should just forgive him and let bygones be bygones.

However, I'm not at all surprised that women withhold sex to get you to leave.

All the best for the next few days and the imminent arrival of baby, OP. Hope it is a straightforward delivery.

@Mikex the fact you think it is remotely normal for a married man to have a 'girlfriend' tells us everything we need to know about you.

Get some therapy instead of coming on here and making random, unfounded accusations about why a heavily pregnant woman with a toddler wants to leave her cheating husband.

The amount of support the OP has garnered says everything about what the female sex thinks about men like you. Read the damn room and go away.

@Waffletots just another one of your supporters! You have inspired us all. Don't let your pathetic, entitled and cold husband waste anymore of your time/life. You deserve so much better and we all know you will meet someone better than this cretin someday. Sending you so much love.

Op, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Similar thing happened to me and I took my partner back but ONLY because he was so repentant and offered to do whatever it took to win me back. What it took was months of marriage counselling and a long hard look at himself. That was two years ago and he has been treating me like a queen… leaving me notes every morning,
phoning to talk to me throughout the day and being so loving I can’t believe it’s the same person (I also have his passwords to all his devices and may check anything whenever I please). It made us stronger, but I will never forget. Don’t take him back unless he is TRULY willing to do everything- and I mean everything - it takes to make your marriage work.
If he can’t or won’t do that, he’s got a very lonely and miserable life ahead. And the OW will never trust him either.
You sound amazing and you’ll get through this dark time. Best of luck.