I know his secret…. Thread 3

[Waffletots]

Starting another thread because the last one is full.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226809-i-know-his-secret-thread-2?page=1

Thank you so much everyone for your messages, I appreciate them so much and you have truly helped me this past crazy few days to know I have so many people supporting me.
I’ve seen a solicitor this afternoon who has given me some good advice regarding finances and the legalities when it comes to our jointly owned home, a lot to get my head around but I feel a lot more informed now!
I’ve missed two calls from my husband since I last updated, I’m worried he’s going to come to the house to try and speak to me but hoping he may think my brother is still here and not bother!

That’s not how this works nice though it might be to believe it.

Mumsnet have a broker who sells threads with high engagement ratings to the mainstream media. They have a rate card and formally assign the copyright in the thread to the paper in exchange for money (you have all assigned your copyright to Mumsnet when you signed up and given permission for this).

So posting on threads you start that you don’t give permission to the Daily Mail to report it is totally meaningless as is slagging off journalists for writing up a story based on content which has been sold to them. It’s no different to a journalist using agency copy or writing a story based on a press release.

And Mumsnet has a much bigger readership than almost every national newspaper anyway so the vast majority of people who read about the issue will have read it here anyway.

You are fabulous, I'm so proud on behalf of womankind that you are one of us!

Anyway, please save these threads and when your little ones are grown let them read and learn what a fabulous, resilient, strong and level headed mum they have.
Believe me, they will be so very proud too x

Spot on.

And this is why journalists start these threads in AIBU, draw people in, continue them over another few additional threads and then within 24 or 48 hours they appear in the tabloids, even though the subject is pretty mundane like 'Husband cheats on wife' etc.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying the OP is a journalist before anyone jumps on me.

Any paper paying for that is a fool when it's all public info they can use for free. There's no copyright involved if you just take a couple of quotes - or zero and just describe the story.

I wouldn't tell him it's over just yet. Keep him hanging.

Wishing you all the best, op, yourebeing very strong 💪

I’ve never had a problem with that

QUEEN 👸. Keep it brief and business like. The lack of comms initially will be due to him having to accept he’s been caught out, but slowly he will morph into the victim here “I’ve lost everything “ … 🤔 … then come the guilt trips … and possibly behaviour akin to tantrums. 🤨

Hold your head high and remember the situation you find yourself in is not your fault or of your making. It is a result of his actions and he has no right to dictate what you do moving forward.

Aside from access to the children he has no right to your time or support.

Actions have consequences. He is learning this the hard way and sadly you an your babies are having to live with the result.

stay strong. 💪. Thinking of you. 🌸💐

Wow you are doing such an amazing job op but I would want to hear what my soon to be ex was going to say about it all! Out of curiosity no less!
Hope everything goes well with the birth!

OP I was just thinking about his actions and his texts and am still so angry on your behalf. It shows such a lack of empathy. It’s psychopathically cold. No guilt. No remorse. You deserve so so much better.

Remain wary. Remain distant. He does not have your best interests anywhere in his thoughts yet alone at the forefront where it should be. He will rage and he will fight and he will try to get more than you in any settlement. He will not be fair minded. You will need to fight for what you and your children deserve and need and you can and you will.

Hope you managed to get some sleep. So glad you have good family around you. 💐

That would be a really expensive way of doing it for the newspaper because they would be paying for the time spent by the journalist combing the boards, reading multiple threads and identifying ones they think would do well and summarising it.

Much cheaper and easier to pay the rate card for the story to Mumsnet when something is offered to them which piques their interest (which is quite a small sum but you will notice that all the published articles hyperlink back to Mumsnet so Justine also gets the ad revenue from the increased exposure to the thread by those who see it in the MSM and click through to Mumsnet)

The point is though that these stories in the mainstream media are almost always instigated by Mumsnet not by “lazy journalists” exploiting vulnerable people posting in a private space which is the impression lots of posters have.

Newspaper employee here - not a journalist, and neither I nor the paper I work for have taken things from mumsnet AFAIK (it wouldn't exactly fit our paper) - but I can confirm that things that are posted online on public access social media are fair game for press to quote from and link to, no copyright laws or sale needed.

If somebody posts on their thread "fck the Daily Mail" or similar sentiments before it's picked up, it does look like those threads get left alone.

OP your family are showing the true meaning of love, yes you're right you'll have to go it alone at some point with baby and 3 year old but knowing that's not going to have to be as soon as you've given birth is probably helpful-let your body heal at least.

seems panic is setting in for my husband who has now started to say things like “Come on (my name) I have lost everything here”

Perhaps he could have thought about that before hopping into bed with OW.

That would be a really expensive way of doing it for the newspaper because they would be paying for the time spent by the journalist combing the boards, reading multiple threads and identifying ones they think would do well and summarising it.

Why would they need to do that? They can work out from "Trending" which threads are attracting the most interest.

With all due respect to all discussing this, it would be better not to derail the ops thread discussing media scraping, instead start a seperate thread.

It's doubtful that the gutter press will pick up the story and make you 'Identifiable'' as {sadly} it's an all too common issue.

Man leaves Pregnant wife and young child/ren for an OW.

There are so many women to whom this is happening that you are going to be very hard to identify.

It makes no difference where you post your threads- If a lazy journalist wants to lift a story, they just need to enter keywords into a search engine, and there it will be.

Your little one will probably begin to act up when they sense the change in routine/atmosphere - be prepared for that, and hopefully your family can be hands on when your newborn is here.

He's such an arse to have done this to you.
Thank goodness you have your lovely family close by.

@Waffletots Edit to my post above...I see from your updates that your wonderful Mum and Dad are moving in with you - What a lovely Family!

This and I would extend this to his coming to the ex marital home. If you keep up the messages about him going via your brother for his stuff etc. He might not even think about entering the property.

When you go into labour, I would 'accidently' leave the key in the lock of the back door too.

It sounds like he is in his box and staying there for now but it's shocking how all the messaging is about his 'plight'.

You don't need to look through everything manually, just have someone on Fiverr write a quick script to automate it - flag threads with x keywords and y many responses over a set time period and have them exported into a spreadsheet. Would cost next to nothing.

If you wanted to take it further you could even hook the results spreadsheet/whatever output you choose up to AI and automate the article writing so the entire thing is automated from start to finish and no journalist is needed at all.

Can folk please stop derailing the OP’s thread talking about the Daily Mail?

It’s not helping her and is just filling up the thread more quickly, making more work for the OP having to trawl through the DM waffle to get to the support and advice being offered.

She’s got enough on her plate, let’s not add to it.

when he fell dick first into another woman.

I know this is a serious thread and I honestly don't want to minimise, but I couldn't help but smile at the above description.

Right?! All about what is being 'done' to him as if he didn't create this whole catastrophe, the egomania is staggering. Not one ounce of compunction.

Keep going @Waffletots - you are amazing us all with your strength even though I am sure you have moments when you want to weep with indignation but also sorrow. Thanks for keeping us updated - sending you love. x

If you havent already replied.
Dont mention the children, after all he hasn't
"Very little to discuss.
The how, where & why you have been screwing OW, excuses & blame & half truths notwithstanding.
You are dead to me.
Address any questions to DB."

It is actually helping her because it means the DM and journalists sniffing around will hopefully get bored and go away.

Unless of course you're one of them trying to dig for more dirt.

Aw I am so pleased to see that Mum and Dad are moving in with you, your family have been brilliant
( and the way all families should be but so many are not )

Could you let ' us ' know when baby has arrived safely,

obiv you won't be putting up a photo !!! as someone asked a couple of days ago - i think the person got confused re The Litter Tray threads ( cats ) and The Dog House threads ( dogs ) where new arrivals are followed by requests for photos.

As for the press, well there is the saying that todays ' news ' is tomorrows fish and chip wrapper - or words to that affect.

and sadly there will be another thread very soon .where another marriage is on the rocks/broken up.