I know his secret…. Thread 3

[Waffletots]

Starting another thread because the last one is full.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226809-i-know-his-secret-thread-2?page=1

Thank you so much everyone for your messages, I appreciate them so much and you have truly helped me this past crazy few days to know I have so many people supporting me.
I’ve seen a solicitor this afternoon who has given me some good advice regarding finances and the legalities when it comes to our jointly owned home, a lot to get my head around but I feel a lot more informed now!
I’ve missed two calls from my husband since I last updated, I’m worried he’s going to come to the house to try and speak to me but hoping he may think my brother is still here and not bother!

I wonder what the OW thinks, having lobbed a grenade into @Waffletots life? Will she be smug, having got her man, or horrified at her actions? I can imagine how angry she was initially, thinking her partner was in a stale marriage, probably sleeping in separate beds, and all the other bullshit married men tell their work colleagues, then finding out that the wife was heavily pregnant with their second child.

The husband is scum and deserves no pity. The OW, however, might not have realised she was sleeping with a very much married man, depending on what lies he told her.

They don't need to. They have rich businesses paying for the propaganda.

For sure. A sincere apology to start off with seems to be the least thing a man like this could do, that's all! The sheer selfishness of him, not even asking how the OP, his toddler and his babe in the womb are doing, is absolutely horrifying.

anyone who wants to go on about the merits or lack of, of the daily mail, please start another thread, this debate is not relevant or useful for the OP, she’s here for support and hasn’t got the time to scroll through this

@namechangeGOT plus it fills up the thread ,where by OP has to start another.

Op.
You are doing amazingly well here. First things first you need to get through the birth and all that entails. Park him for the moment. Lovely that you have your parents support to help you .focus on your lovely new baby .

I'm still just flabbergasted by his texts , he genuinely seems full of self pity for himself after cheating on his pregnant wife for a year as if it was something that just 'happened' to him and was out of his control. It's terrifying he hasn't asked about his daughter. No apologies either It must be like dealing with a total stranger for you.

Ow and stbx work together, I'm sure she knew

I'm disgusted for you OP. What women messages a 38 week mother to be to tell her she has slept with her husband? Either drunk or truly nasty. Yes she might have been lied to but everyone knows you are vulnerable and could do nothing to change the situation. She deserves everything she's got coming. Your husband is a total wanker. He encouraged you into another pregnancy but couldn't resist another shag buddy. What a Prince.
I'm glad you have a good career and a supportive family. My brothers would have been round already!
I am truly shocked by the disgusting behaviour of so many men these days. We have not gone forward at all.
Do not take this snivelling shit back. You have your youth, personal money and children..Don't waste it on him.
Sell the house in the new year and buy one just big enough for you and your children. Paint it pink to see off the cock lodgers (a tip from a wealthy divorced friend who was frequently targeted).
Enjoy life and keep your well developed respect. Bastards the lot of them, I'd rather have a dog! Good luck my lovely.

It's the third thread. There's only so much how awful please take care people can say, it is bound to go off on a tangent occasionally. As long as no ill intent I can't see the harm in the odd derail tbh.

It's the third thread. There's only so much how awful please take care people can say, it is bound to go off on a tangent occasionally. As long as no ill intent I can't see the harm in the odd derail tbh.

@Gloriia No, people can offer support and advice when OP comes back to her thread when she needs to.l or she requests it. No thread needs filler posts that have no bearing whatsoever on irrelevant things.

Well done OP, handling all this like a queen.

Also glad to see the OW getting some stick now, what on earth made her think that messaging you out of the blue, at 48 weeks, was the right thing to do; never mind starting the affair in the first place. Custard scum that she is.

And agree that the ex H sounds narcissistic at best, if not a full blown pyschopath. it’s nearly Christmas, I hope he’s in a cheap bedsit with no decorations, or joy.

Keep going OP, in awe at your strength but don’t underestimate how tough this must all feel too.

Not sure I agree - we have no idea what lies he told OW (separated, but cohabiting?) or whether she had any idea how far along OP was - and when should OW have mentioned it? When new baby was 18 and off to uni?

Sorry, but there is no good time, OW may have been as much a victim of the STBExH’s manipulations as OP, and she isn’t OP’s DH… and, personally, I would prefer to know my DH was being unfaithful. Without the background data, can we hold back from blaming the OW - it was the ‘D’H who has been at fault, who was married to OP, who fathered the children - and let’s place the blame where it should be: on the man in this scenario.

Aren’t you lovely

@CautiousLurker01 earlier threads state the OW works with the H. She might not have known how far along the wife was in her pregnancy but it's a pretty shitty thing to do to contact another woman to upset her. Warn her? Bollocks no. They pair of them are as bad as each other.
We don't have to agree.

I wonder if the OW has told him to go get stuffed and that’s why he keeps messaging you. Especially the Christmas one

My one piece of advice for his numerous benign text messages, along the lines of are you ignoring me, you are throwing everything away

Id send one text back

You've been having an affair for x amount of time, you are ahead of me on this point and have know what has been happening whilst obviously keeping me in the dark, secretly abandoning our marriage vows. Now give me some respect and time to adjust to this news and catch up. I will contact you when I am up to speed with what is happening, until then stop the messages.

He has had months know whats happening, you've had a bomb dropped on you, the least the fucker can do is give you the space he has wanted.

Also search for the "script" there are plenty of threads on here with the script laid out - that might be for the new year but arm yourself

this debate is not relevant or useful for the OP, she’s here for support and hasn’t got the time to scroll through this

That's such a very odd thing to say.

How on earth do you know how much time the OP has?

No, we won’t agree. But I will call out women being blamed for men’s transgressions, especially when we know nothing about an anonymous woman who is being maligned/judged&condemned on a thread that we know the Daily Mail and it’s users are signposting people to. We have no idea what impact this may be having on her, too. In her shoes, discovering the lover I thought was in the process of leaving his wife but had got her pregnant, I’d have likely reached out too.

I restate - the Husband is the shit here. The blame should land at his feet.

Just focus on looking after yourself now, let your parents look after you too. I would ask your brother to message your not so DH with an unemotional message saying you and DC are being looked after, you are trying to minimise stress at this time and any arrangements about seeing children should be made through your brother.

And certainly the OP understands this and is focussing on her husband's appalling behaviour, not blaming the OW here, not even to shoot the messenger.

Blame the dh and the awful ow too, who realised she was also being lied to <unsurprisingly>. Both as bad as each other.
Why do these ow/om think their secret shag who is lying to their dh/dw is suddenly a model of truth and virtue when with them?!

You are a queen. Best of luck with the birth x

I suppose we can spin that and say if he had lied so convincingly to the OP for months on end, he probably lied just as convincingly to the OW.