I know his secret…. Thread 3

[Waffletots]

Starting another thread because the last one is full.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226809-i-know-his-secret-thread-2?page=1

Thank you so much everyone for your messages, I appreciate them so much and you have truly helped me this past crazy few days to know I have so many people supporting me.
I’ve seen a solicitor this afternoon who has given me some good advice regarding finances and the legalities when it comes to our jointly owned home, a lot to get my head around but I feel a lot more informed now!
I’ve missed two calls from my husband since I last updated, I’m worried he’s going to come to the house to try and speak to me but hoping he may think my brother is still here and not bother!

I agree with this.

You need to ‘grey rock’ him. Minimal communication with zero emotional content. He doesn’t care about your feelings and sharing them just gives him more power.

His messages are so "Poor Me" its clear that's all he thinks about, his own sorry self,.

Let him try that line on your brother...

All you need OP is to put everything to one side, put one foot in front of the other, bit by bit prepare for that adorable baby, hug your toddler, lean on your family and get through this. You are supported and with warmth and kindness, by them, you will be OK.

@B0RING amazing how many of them don't get that sorry simply doesn't make it all ok for many if not most women -

Could be the difference between digital and print. Still hard to see why anyone would read it, but I shouldn't mock the afflicted.

Wrong quote for the Daily Mail column.

I highly suspect the OPs H has a narcissist personality style from what she has said and giving him anything if her vulnerability right now he may use to manipulate her. Grey rock until she’s through the worst of it is my very strong advice. Your advice would be great if he were a normal human being that had made bad choices and was devastated at what he had done. This man has zero empathy by the sound of it.

I read the Mail and the Guardian nearly every day. i enjoy both. I'm an educated woman that likes to get a general picture of what's going on before I make my mind up.
I don't support one particular party because I know there are things I like and things I don't like in all parties.
So back to the Mail and the Guardian. The Guardian writers have no idea about real life. They seem to be totally devoid of life experience as most people live and work in it. However it does give a good international overview.
The mail on the other hand sees life as it is lived and grappled with by the vast majority of UK citizens (subjects?) . The Guardian wouldn't dream of highlighting the trials and tribulations of the majority of the population. However the mail is also full of rubbishy celebrity stuff.
I often wonder about those decrying the mail.
Sorry to derail.

Hi @Waffletots wishing you the best and sending you healing vibes.

I’ve had lots of people private messaging me also to see why I won’t move it but as I explained on a previous post, I have never posted on this site before, did so in a state and didn’t realise I was posting in the incorrect place. I just posted the following two threads in the same place so everyone knew where they were. It never crossed my mind that the press pick up on stories, of course I’m not stupid enough to believe that the internet is a confidential place but I wasn’t thinking clearly either, however I’ve been careful not to use names / genders / locations or anything else that could give my identity away to someone who doesn’t know me personally and about my situation. The DM can write all they want, I suspect a few of my inbox messages may be from said journalist and I haven’t replied to any, I’m sorry if anyone thinks this is me being rude, I do appreciate all the support.

No update apart from my parents and three year old are arriving soon and I’m hoping to settle into our new routine and get some sleep!

Bless you, lass @Waffletots and every good wish for you x

You tell yourself that.

@Waffletots i wouldn’t worry too much about being identified in real life. Your scenario is depressingly common and there are probably 10 other women going through the same thing right now.

you haven’t given details about your child’s gender, the area you live, or any other unusual details.

@Waffletots
I'm just so glad you have a loving family looking out for you.
You have been so brave & handled things with a calm dignity that I'm not sure many of us would have? Good luck with the birth (when it happens) & get plenty of sleep, as I'm sure you know you'll need it once DC No2 arrives.

An apology and acknowledgement that they have done something wrong, along with some concern for the child/ren they have fathered might go a fair way towards getting a discussion going, though, don't you think?

You are doing so well and should be proud of yourself, many would have simply crumbled in a situation like yours. I normally wouldn’t have much to say about the other woman, it’s clearly the husband who has made the betrayal and is to blame when it comes to cheating. On this occasion though I do have to say the other woman has behaved despicably. To message you with this information and cause you this much stress knowing you were heavily pregnant is just horrible. She should have just cut all ties with your husband when she found out you were still together. I don’t disagree you needed to know, but that should have been left until
your baby was safely born and you were at least over the initial past partum physical recovery. To message you now just seems vindictive, and like she has another agenda. Both horrible specimens and you are a million times better than this and you are proving it every day. Well done.

The most widely read news site in the World now. Including by all those who deny it. Also stop calling it the Fail, the Heil, you sound very silly.

At least they don't cadge money for their poor journalists as the Guardian does.

“Come on (my name) I have lost everything here”

My response to this would be 'yes you have' then revert back to everything goes via family or solicitor.

Part of its charm is its awfulness. I’ll admit to looking at it most days. Not for news - for nonsense. The comments section is particularly awful, but sometimes astute 😉

At least they don't cadge money for their poor journalists as the Guardian does.

This could be why so many journalists start troll threads, get people invested and then get them published.

I'd love to know how much they're paid, though I suspect it isn't much.

I'm also pregnant (36 + 3) and can't even begin to imagine how awful this must be for you! I'd like to think I'd be as strong as you if I was faced with this because honestly, you seem to have handled this with amazing strength! Your family sound great too and just like the support you need. Good luck with the birth and enjoy every minute of your lovely new arrival 👶

Sorry OP. I seem to have detailed with the comment about the DM.

So glad you have your family around you. I’m still very angry in your behalf. He is psychopathic. The comment about ‘I’ve lost everything’ is just one of the worst things I’ve ever read in here.

I’m a bit confused about why you have changed your mind about him living with OW?

Please don’t think he wouldn’t be messaging you begging you to reconsider just because he’s shacked up with her. He is completely ruthless and selfish and an accomplished liar.

These are all facts you know about this man.

So glad your family will be looking after you. Best of luck with new baby!!!

But they use click bait to draw right wing, fascist, zenophobic and homophobic SM followers to their site and sell the interaction hits to advertisers.

Daily Mail is no better than all the other piss poor publications desperately searching for revenue as hard copy stuff dies but when a juicy headline and photo pops up on your feed it's not unreasonable to think someone might follow it no matter how repulsed they are with the publisher, whether you read it or not.

I admit to reading it every morning on my phone.

Your husband hasn't "lost" anything, he wilfully and intentionally chose to have a fling with another woman (who he also lied to). His problem is that he got found out and his complete inability to apologise and accept responsibility proves his lack of accountability. Apologising and taking accountability can pave the way for a better divorce but once trust has gone......

He doesn't want to face you in front of your family as he doesn't want to take responsibility/accountability for his actions and thinks he can get round you. He hasn't asked about his children and your health/wellbeing because he is too busy feeling sorry for himself.

As to it being Christmas......his bit on the side didn't think twice about your wellbeing or the fact that it was Christmas when she broke it to you, did she? But this is also his fault as he is a married man and he chose to have a fling, a fling that he led on and sprouted lies to her about your relationship. When at the same time being lovey dovey with you and actively planning and achieving a new baby.

This is your life and you have to live with the consequences of your actions going forward just as he has to deal with the choices he has made and the resulting devastation. I truly believe your are on the right course with everything you have done and whilst I know you won't feel this is true, you have been incredibly strong.

@Jaichangecentfoisdenom yes it needs to be in there- but I don't think even if they are apoplectic with apologies it always (if ever )changes the fact that you don't feel the same about them again instantly ( if ever) and that's what some people seem to expect

A lot of its content is behind a paywall now so yes, people do have to pay to read the likes of Boris Johnson, Nadine Dorries, Sarah Vine and Richard Littlejohn. The owner Lord Rothemere is a tax exile, oh the irony...