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I know his secret…. Thread 3

1000 replies

Waffletots · 10/12/2024 18:35

Starting another thread because the last one is full.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226809-i-know-his-secret-thread-2?page=1

Thank you so much everyone for your messages, I appreciate them so much and you have truly helped me this past crazy few days to know I have so many people supporting me.
I’ve seen a solicitor this afternoon who has given me some good advice regarding finances and the legalities when it comes to our jointly owned home, a lot to get my head around but I feel a lot more informed now!
I’ve missed two calls from my husband since I last updated, I’m worried he’s going to come to the house to try and speak to me but hoping he may think my brother is still here and not bother!

I know his secret but how do I play this? | Mumsnet

I have been married for five years to who I thought was a wonderful man, we have a child and one on the way. Last night I received a text from his fe...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

OP posts:
jumpintheline · 11/12/2024 16:49

MyrtleStrumpet · 11/12/2024 16:46

The only response to "I have lost everything" is, "Was she worth it?"

amen

MuddyPawsIndoors · 11/12/2024 16:52

SpryCat · 11/12/2024 11:19

I don’t think many people read that rag, and very slim chance anyone would put two and two together and guess who they are. They are very lazy journalists or should I say guttersnipes x

Apart from around 4 million readers per day.

SpideyVerse · 11/12/2024 16:53

Noshowlomo · 11/12/2024 16:01

Good luck with then baby. Glad you’ve got the best support 💙
I am wondering what the OP is doing now. If she’s glad at what she done or whether she did it because he lied to her or whether it’s because she sees him as some kind of prize.
I hope they both have the shits on Christmas Day

Guessing you meant to write 'OW' vs 'OP' .... edit function might still work, @Noshowlomo ;-)

Lifeomars · 11/12/2024 16:55

MintShaker · 11/12/2024 15:41

Good old daily fail, what a disgusting rag it is.

I'd urge noone on here to click on the article so that it doesn't become "popular" and rise any further up the site and falls off soon.

You're managing this awful situation so well @Waffletots, he's not only lost his wife and the mother of his two children, but an incredibly smart and articulate woman. You are fantastic example to your children.

I have always called it the Daily Vile, a horrible rag that twists everything, obsessed with the "middle class" house prices to the extent that they even quote them if someone has been found murdered . It hates women, too young. too old, too fat, too thin, childless equals selfish, more than two kids equals feckless ...

tuvamoodyson · 11/12/2024 16:57

MuddyPawsIndoors · 11/12/2024 16:52

Apart from around 4 million readers per day.

…and lots of people on here, albeit they pretend they wouldn’t risk their eyes by reading it and faux apologising for quoting the hilariously nicknamed ‘Daily Fail!’ 🙄

Cestfoutu · 11/12/2024 16:57

I've been following all your responses OP, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this when about to give birth. One thing I would advise (if someone hasn't already said) is not to say on here when you head off to the hospital as he may well have found/be following this and you don't want him turning up there. I know they won't let him in to the delivery suite, but I think knowing he is around / potentially causing problems would cause you unnecessary stress.

HunterdeButts · 11/12/2024 17:00

Actually, that's a point: OP, check whether he has any trackers on your phone etc and get them removed if he has.

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/12/2024 17:05

Sorry the dm has picked this up

You are showing great courgette over everything @Waffletots

His texts are pathetic

Come on (my name) I have lost everything here”, “Will you speak to me” and my personal favourite “it’s nearly Christmas”

It's his own fault be has lost everything

Nothing to speak about yet

Yes it's nearing Christmas

And ?

Disgusting he hasn't still asked about your 3yr dd or how you/baby are

Great parents staying at yours now

Hope everything goes well for baby as and when you go into labour @Waffletots 💐

MuddyPawsIndoors · 11/12/2024 17:07

tuvamoodyson · 11/12/2024 16:57

…and lots of people on here, albeit they pretend they wouldn’t risk their eyes by reading it and faux apologising for quoting the hilariously nicknamed ‘Daily Fail!’ 🙄

I've been on MN for around 14 years and the Daily Mail has always been the most popular and most linked to newspaper, but yes you're right, a lot of MNetters deny reading it.

Also, many tabloid journalists frequently admit to starting threads themselves just like this one, in the most popular topics on the most popular chat forums, just so they can get it published 🤷‍♂️

It's sad but that's modern 'journalism' for you.

ETA: I'm not accusing the OP of being a tabloid journalist.

Sortalike · 11/12/2024 17:08

I remember the "but it's nearly Christmas!" text I received, Plus the other thousands of other texts... I allegedly ruined his Christmas aww bless they are incapable of understanding the impact of their actions, and frankly your custard husband has shown that he is more concerned about himself than anyone else. He can't talk his way out of this, although I bet my mortgage on the fact he'll try.

Keep in mind that you aren't reacting as he expected, and he is trying to get you to engage, so expect more texts to come. It would be a good idea to get one of your family to contact him (by text) with a short message, that he is not to contact you directly, but arrangements will be made for him to see his children under supervision.

I'd be tempted to set up a new email address and use that for all written correspondence to him, but for now, focus on your child and your new baby. Rest as much as you can especially if you're still feeling like the baby is on their way!

AnyoneSomeone · 11/12/2024 17:10

If you don't want your dirty laundry aired all over the Daily Mail. Don't post it all over MN.

Sortalike · 11/12/2024 17:11

AnyoneSomeone · 11/12/2024 17:10

If you don't want your dirty laundry aired all over the Daily Mail. Don't post it all over MN.

Is that all the advice you have to offer?

2025willbemytime · 11/12/2024 17:12

AnyoneSomeone · 11/12/2024 17:10

If you don't want your dirty laundry aired all over the Daily Mail. Don't post it all over MN.

It's not Waffletots dirty laundry you muppet.

Peopleinmyphone · 11/12/2024 17:12

Waffletots · 11/12/2024 14:14

Sorry I can’t remember who asked but I have my parents moving in with me today as I feel the baby is preparing to make an appearance!
This was the plan before all this happened and my 3 year old knew that their grandparents would be staying with us when the baby was “nearly here” so it makes my little one feel like things are normal at least that’s my goal!
It makes sense as my Dad can stay home with my little one and mum will already be here with me to drive me to the hospital, my sister in law can meet us there.
It will also deter my husband from coming around, seeing 3 cars on the drive instead of one! I hope anyway! They’ve offered to stay after the birth too so I have some support, I will see how I’m doing as I’m aware I will need to go this alone at some point!

So relieved for you to read this. Please don't be in a rush to go it alone, take all help offered and for as long as you need x

AnyoneSomeone · 11/12/2024 17:12

Sortalike · 11/12/2024 17:11

Is that all the advice you have to offer?

Yep. The OP has had enough 'advice' and cheer leaders on these threads already.

2025willbemytime · 11/12/2024 17:14

AnyoneSomeone · 11/12/2024 17:12

Yep. The OP has had enough 'advice' and cheer leaders on these threads already.

Your advice was not needed or necessary.

AnyoneSomeone · 11/12/2024 17:16

2025willbemytime · 11/12/2024 17:14

Your advice was not needed or necessary.

I think warning people that MN is not a cosy safe space and threads are often picked up by tabloids is probably the best advice on the thread.

Sortalike · 11/12/2024 17:17

AnyoneSomeone · 11/12/2024 17:12

Yep. The OP has had enough 'advice' and cheer leaders on these threads already.

And clearly you're not one of them.

As the OP has said that the advice and "cheer leaders" are helpful to her, that's all that matters.

betterangels · 11/12/2024 17:19

AnyoneSomeone · 11/12/2024 17:16

I think warning people that MN is not a cosy safe space and threads are often picked up by tabloids is probably the best advice on the thread.

To be fair, I do agree that some posters forget this is a public, worldwide forum. Nowhere on the Internet is a safe space.

HappiestSleeping · 11/12/2024 17:20

MuddyPawsIndoors · 11/12/2024 16:52

Apart from around 4 million readers per day.

The circulation is under 1m now. I am amazed it is that high to be honest, but then again the country voted for Brexit, so there are a high number of morons.

MuddyPawsIndoors · 11/12/2024 17:21

AnyoneSomeone · 11/12/2024 17:16

I think warning people that MN is not a cosy safe space and threads are often picked up by tabloids is probably the best advice on the thread.

The OP has already said on the other thread that she's OK with the tabloids taking up the story.

She was advised on all 3 threads to get it moved to Relationships, told how to do it and MNHQ actually posted on this thread to offer to move it if the OP wanted but she ignored.

She doesn't care so I'm not sure why anyone else does?

It's the OP's prerogative 🤷‍♂️

MuddyPawsIndoors · 11/12/2024 17:23

HappiestSleeping · 11/12/2024 17:20

The circulation is under 1m now. I am amazed it is that high to be honest, but then again the country voted for Brexit, so there are a high number of morons.

Ahh OK, I was just going by Google figures.

The Daily Mail's website reaches around four million readers per day in the UK.

But still, I think the most of them are Mumsnetters 😁

Haggia · 11/12/2024 17:25

MuddyPawsIndoors · 11/12/2024 17:07

I've been on MN for around 14 years and the Daily Mail has always been the most popular and most linked to newspaper, but yes you're right, a lot of MNetters deny reading it.

Also, many tabloid journalists frequently admit to starting threads themselves just like this one, in the most popular topics on the most popular chat forums, just so they can get it published 🤷‍♂️

It's sad but that's modern 'journalism' for you.

ETA: I'm not accusing the OP of being a tabloid journalist.

Edited

I agree.

They love a good “juicy story” too and AIBU trending is an easy target. I’m always mindful of this. OP explained before why she’s happy keeping the thread here rather than moving it as mnhq offered, and she seems comfortable enough with it being in the DM so that’s the main thing. As she said, she has nothing to reproach herself for.

Acrossthemountains · 11/12/2024 17:29

You're doing so well op. Sending you all the best wishes for the safe arrival of your baby.

B0RING · 11/12/2024 17:31

@Waffletots if you don’t want him at the hospital after you give birth then make sure that no one tells him you are in labour ( including posting on social media).

Your brother can contact him once you are home from hospital. If I were you, I’d go and register the baby's birth first before you do this. just so there are no arguments about baby’s first and last names.

You will need to take your marriage certificate so have it handy.

Your husband is obviously desperate to contact you directly because he thinks he can talk you round / guilt trip you. Which is all the more reason to keep all contact via your brother . Especially post partum when you are likely to be tired and emotional.

Thats when you are most vulnerable to any manipulation.

“ Look she meant nothing to me, it’s was just sex a few times , I was depressed / worried about work but I didn’t want to tell you as you were pregnant and I wanted to protect you. I’ve been a fool but all that matters is you and the kids, can’t we start again and be the happy family you’ve always dreamed of ? Is this what you want for our children ? “

Followed by a few days later ….

“ You are not being rational , I understand that you are angry and jealous but you can’t punish the children to get at me. I’ve been patient with you so far but it’s been weeks now , you can’t keep me hanging on like this, it’s not fair “.

and then

“ How long are you going to go on playing these games - haven’t you punished me enough ? It’s time for you to grow up and deal with your issues. I’ve said I’m sorry - what more do you want? “

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

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