Impatient train woman

[Bigtom]

I regularly commute on a train for around an hour each way. There are no reserved seats. I have a type of arthritis that makes sitting (or standing!) quite uncomfortable so I try to get one of the limited seats with extra leg room.

I walked the length of the train to find one today and the only one was a window seat with someone already sitting in the aisle. I duly asked the lady in the aisle if it was free and she said yes and stood up. I then took off my coat and got my coffee cup out of my bag and put my bag and coat in the overhead rack. While I did this a bit of a queue of people built up.

When I sat down, the lady muttered “take your time why don’t you”. AIBU to think she was very rude and should sit on the window seat if she doesn’t want to move? When I said that, she responded that I was keeping other people waiting!

But I’m meant to guess people might be in pain waiting for 30 seconds so that they can’t wait that amount of time for me to sit down?

Is anyone 'comfortable' on a commuter train..? I've never seen someone use the overhead rack on a rush hour train; it's get on, sit down, take your coat off and lean on it if needed. I also think it depends how this was done. If OP had done the British thing of 'oop sorry, excuse me, won't be a minute' it would have been annoying but people tend to tolerate it. It does sound like she took her sweet time oblivious to everyone around her. Disability or not, that is rude. The other woman was rude too, of course.

When I got on, there was no-one behind me, so I didn’t know a small queue would build up

It's a commuter train... they are never, ever quiet, there will always be other people getting on.

It’s a long distance train going over 200 miles and is rarely busy enough to be full. I had walked the full length of the train (9 coaches) and there weren’t actually that many people around. The carriage had loads of empty seats.

The overhead racks are used a lot. Mostly for bags but I’m definitely not the only one who puts their coat up there too.

Have you never been taught that not all disabilities are visible.

The onus is on YOU to not say anything, not on OP to explain her private illnesses to YOU.

Would you ever give it a rest?

You can’t expect to be treated in a way to accommodate your health condition if no one knows you have one.

Ps the OP has never said she considers herself to be/identifies as disabled, you’re projecting that on to her.

Look, you were rude holding people up, causing a queue, and faffing for your own comfort.
She was rude commenting on your faffing.

Just cancel each other out and get on with your day. Why such fuss and angst?

I guess I wouldn’t have thought it was rude to do what I did. I have never thought people were being rude when I’ve had to wait for them. I’ve just accepted the minor inconvenience. So this thread has been something of an eye opener.

I wouldn’t really describe it as “faffing for my comfort” but rather 30 seconds of trying to minimise the pain to manageable levels.

I think you have to look at it in the context of the disabled person. When we so often feel sidelined and invisible we tend more to just accept our place in society is not equal rather than picking a person who may or may not oblige. You live in hope that when your disability is so outwardly obvious there are still decent people who will offer a seat without needing to be asked.

If there were loads of empty seats, I'd find it strange that someone would ask me to move to come and seat directly next to me, and then faff about with coats and bags UNLESS they explained to me that they needed one of the extra legroom seats for health reasons. Did you do that OP?

I have quite bad eyesight and don't think I'd even notice I was in an extra legroom seat unless the difference was very significant or there was a large sign pointing that out.

There are 3 sets of double seats with extra leg room. Two are specifically marked as for disabled / elderly / pregnant women (all of these were taken), so it was the unmarked one I was going for. I didn’t say why I needed it. She may have thought it was odd, yes. I thought it was odd she was sitting in the aisle seat.

An empty seat is an empty, you are not owed an explanation for why someone wants to sit there.

I hate it when people faf on public transport. I would have just sat down and done the necessaries once the scrum had cleared.

Which is why you do the decent thing and are not rude to people taking time to settle in their seat, because you don't what disabilities they may have.

Some of these responses are ridiculous.

OP should sit in her coat for an hour so as not to inconvenience people waiting in the aisle for what, a minute? Maybe even 2?

It's completely normal to take your coat off and put your stuff away, and OP is right, if it was so bothersome to this woman she should have anticipated being annoyed by someone asking for that seat and sat by the window herself.

If there were lots of empty seats, then maybe the other lady chose this particular seat for health reasons, and chose the aisle seat as she prefers not to be hemmed in.

That’s fine and I don’t have an issue with that. I just object to being spoken to rudely when her decision meant she then had to stand up to let me in.

In this situation you need to do more than try and make eye contact! You need to loudly and clearly ask “would somebody mind giving up their seat please as I’m on crutches so can’t stand”. In my 20+ years of commuting experience, people would then be rushing to be that helpful person.

Well yes but it seems an odd thing for the seated passenger to get het up about.

I have arthritis in my knees OP and certain leg positions are painful- I do sympathise with this. You are more mobile than me to be able to walk the length of the train looking for a seat though! I used to wear a brace under trousers, so it wasn't obvious to others I had a disability. It sounds more like your own lack of planning with your coat/drink and not your disability that was the issue here.

I could understand if this was a 1 off train journey for you and you weren't prepared, but you do this trip twice a day on your commute!!! The woman was rude, but if I'd started causing a queue, I would have appologised and said something along the lines of 'Sorry everyone, I'm a bit slow due to arthritis/pain/disability etc'.
My suggestions:

-Take your coat off before boarding. Have your drink in your hand or ready to get it out quickly.
-Get a badge for your coat and blouse. This is the link to the tube version, but your train line might have their own version https://tfl.gov.uk/transport-accessibility/please-offer-me-a-seat
-Get a 1st class ticket if sitting in standard risks there only being seats left which will cause you pain

This whole thread makes me wonder what we did before Mumsnet...more than 29 hours & 219 posts later, it's still going on. Meanwhile, the woman who said what she did to the OP probably forgot all about it two minutes after leaving the train...

If you are getting someone to stand up to allow you to sit in the seat next to you surely the polite thing to do is to minimise the time they need to wait standing - so take your coat off and coffee out before you get them to stand?

I travel every day on public transport and have never yet encountered a bus or train where there is room to put a bag under a seat!

Exactly so.

This would annoy me too OP but I would self-censor enough to realise that for every “annoying faffer” unit I attributed to you, I’d have equal if not more “impatient arse” points.

OP, I know life must be a struggle at times with arthritis. Things other people take for granted might be just that little bit more difficult.

But we don’t know if the other lady was in pain as well…, hence her frustration at being kept waiting.