Impatient train woman

[Bigtom]

I regularly commute on a train for around an hour each way. There are no reserved seats. I have a type of arthritis that makes sitting (or standing!) quite uncomfortable so I try to get one of the limited seats with extra leg room.

I walked the length of the train to find one today and the only one was a window seat with someone already sitting in the aisle. I duly asked the lady in the aisle if it was free and she said yes and stood up. I then took off my coat and got my coffee cup out of my bag and put my bag and coat in the overhead rack. While I did this a bit of a queue of people built up.

When I sat down, the lady muttered “take your time why don’t you”. AIBU to think she was very rude and should sit on the window seat if she doesn’t want to move? When I said that, she responded that I was keeping other people waiting!

She's just annoyed she had to sit next to someone.

If you read my OP, I explained why I needed that particular seat.

Are there? I didn’t know this, thank you. Do you know where to get them from?

You can’t fit a bag under the seat on my train, it would have had to go down by my feet, which would negate the whole point of choosing a seat with extra leg room.

Ok so they shouldn’t have to wait 30 seconds but I should have to sit in pain for over an hour? Got it.

Where do you get off telling OP not to reply on her own thread?

You are exceptionally rude to OP on her own thread.

If you took that attitude to my disabled mum on a train you would soon be set right.

This.

The OP does come over as self righteous and passive aggressive in their responses on this AIBU thread though. Probably had that vibe on the train, too.

Better than coming across as many are as being so inconsiderate and selfish as to not be able to tolerate someone spending 30 seconds making themselves comfortable on a reasonably long train ride. This thread is a depressing read.

If you took that attitude to my disabled mum on a train you would soon be set right.

This is the second time you’ve referenced giving people a gobful. I’m curious why you don’t think you’d get one back?

There’s no point in OP replying to me about the same issues - she has already replied upthread.

What attitude am I supposedly taking to disabled people on trains? I think they’re both in the wrong.

Also the other woman has no way of guessing that OP has any health conditions.

Apparently yes. Because commuters often just don't care. I say this as a disabled person who has frequently had to suffer increased pain on public transport because nobody will offer me a seat. On one occasion I was on crutches after another surgery and had to stand up for a half hour train journey because nobody would offer their seat. They all just looked at the floor every time I tried to make eye contact. I've got used to it now. This unfortunately is the reality for many disabled people because we are invisible. People pretend they can't see us or sheepishly look round waiting for someone else to offer us a seat so they don't have to. Often they just pretend they can't see us anyway. Trains are always far worse as there's a mentality among season ticket holders of I've paid for my seat and I'm keeping it. Busses I am always far more likely to be offered a seat.

I'm so sorry that you go through this @Curtainqueen
I know this happens, which is why I advocate for my disabled mum when we're on public transport. My mum would also never ask for a seat. If no one gets up for her, I always say to the carriage 'please could someone free up a priority seat.

I hope you're reading Curtain's experiences, @YaWeeFurryBastard

You were exceptionally rude when you said 'And don’t reply to this going on about your health condition...'

Truly awful thing to say. Have a word with yourself.

Sorry this happens to you. Can you not just pick someone and say “excuse me could I sit there please”?

Have one with yourself instead of projecting like mad about your disabled mum - nobody knew the OP was disabled!

Shes also dismissed all sensible suggestions to hold onto her stuff for another minute/set it on the floor for a minute/put it on the seat while standing for a minute/as she wanted to avoid feeling uncomfortable for a short time it would take to let people pass, yet said she would choose to be uncomfortable for the journey standing or sitting in another seat instead! It’s a lost cause, hence I said don’t bother going on about it again, as she obviously doesn’t want to take any suggestions on board.

Not knowing about your disability, I might have felt exasperated and wondered why you hadn't got organised on the platform. I wouldn't have said anything but I would have expected you to politely offer apologies for the inconvenience. But it doesn't really matter. It's a trivial incident.

The woman was rude but I expect that was because she didn’t want anyone to sit next to her at all. I’ve noticed that a lot of female passengers select the aisle seat of a pair of seats for this very reason.
She’s not to know that you have a severe form of arthritis which requires you to select a very particular seat. She probably thought you were being perverse to ignore all the other vacant ones.

They can try giving one back but won’t get far. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don’t mess with a woman protecting her disabled mum.

Won’t get far? What are you going to do? Assault them? Expect to be arrested if so. If not, they’ll get just as “far” as you do.

I could have done any of those things but they would all have involved asking the lady to move again a few minutes later, which I’m sure she would have been less than pleased about. When I got on, there was no-one behind me, so I didn’t know a small queue would build up. I probably would have held them up even more by attempting to reverse out once they appeared.

I said I could have stood up if necessary or sat in another seat if none was available but both options would have been more painful for me.

You're letting your imagination run away with you.

No, OP, you were fine, you did nothing wrong.

Neither of you were in the right - you shouldn’t have held people up, and she shouldn’t have given off to you about it. But these things happen. I wouldn’t dwell on it. Maybe get a badge for next time to avoid future incidents if what the other woman said has bothered you.

Ps OP these are the kind of comments upthread I’m referring to - where you are being purposely obtuse. You can’t expect people to guess you have arthritis and align with your expectations without communicating with them.