Impatient train woman

[Bigtom]

I regularly commute on a train for around an hour each way. There are no reserved seats. I have a type of arthritis that makes sitting (or standing!) quite uncomfortable so I try to get one of the limited seats with extra leg room.

I walked the length of the train to find one today and the only one was a window seat with someone already sitting in the aisle. I duly asked the lady in the aisle if it was free and she said yes and stood up. I then took off my coat and got my coffee cup out of my bag and put my bag and coat in the overhead rack. While I did this a bit of a queue of people built up.

When I sat down, the lady muttered “take your time why don’t you”. AIBU to think she was very rude and should sit on the window seat if she doesn’t want to move? When I said that, she responded that I was keeping other people waiting!

She's said she can walk the length of the train with no problems so taking her coat off is hardly a massive issue. If she took her coat off as the train came in she wouldn't have kept people waiting. Just have a bit of consideration for other people, I find people with a disability can become very selfish and I make a big effort to not be one of them. Maybe the OP could show a bit of empathy to others and accept if she inconveniences others they might feel like saying so.

Do you really think that woman was standing for 30 seconds? You took your coat off, presumably you folded it up, you opened your bag and took you coffee out, presumably you then closed the bag before putting everything up in the rack and then you sat down. 30 seconds?

Disabilities affect people differently. For some repeatedly having to get up and sit down is really difficult. Plus there is the embarrassment at having to ask someone to get up again.

All of this is perfectly normal behaviour seen up and down the country every day.

Just like you aren't owed an explanation for why someone prefers the aisle seat. The OP is being judgemental about that.

She wasn't rude about standing up was she? Her comment was about how long she had to stand while you messed about rather than sitting down in the seat you'd asked for.

It really isn't on the trains I use, 4 journeys a week. Most people sit down, let every one else get to their seats and then if they want to start going through their bag or take coats off they do it then or they get on prepared to just sit down. It is also normal to apologise if for some reason you leave someone standing with a queue forming.

How big is your bag? Why do you need one so big that it would have that effect?

The coffee cup was in a side pocket so it literally took a second to remove it and there was no need to open or close the bag.

It’s a rucksack with stuff I need for work in it e.g. my laptop. There is no room under the seat for it.

How was getting your coffee out and putting your coat and bag on the shelf minimising your pain?

My arthritis is in my spine, so walking is mostly not a problem. Twisting my spine to take my coat off is very difficult in a confined space but not too bad if I have space. Sitting (or standing or lying!) in one position becomes painful quite quickly. You’re making some unjustified assumptions about what I can and can’t do.

I’m still not convinced that I’m being hugely selfish by expecting someone to wait for 30 seconds without getting impatient and being rude but I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree on that one.

I’ve already explained that it is painful for me to sit in one position. I therefore need to be able to wriggle around. I can’t easily do that with my bag and coat on my lap or by my feet. I admit I don’t strictly need my coffee but it took no more than a second to get that out of the side pocket of my bag.

Twisting my spine to take my coat off is very difficult in a confined space but not too bad if I have space.

On that basis, if I were you I would take my coat off before getting on the train.

Yes? Probably less?

Yeah probably a good idea.

OP didn’t say anything to the woman. But she’s right, if you don’t want to inconvenienced by someone sitting in the window seat, sit in the window seat yourself. Of course OP is going to think this after the woman has been unnecessarily rude to her.

You weren’t selfish at all. You made the mistake of being a woman who had the temerity to make a few people wait for you. Your role is life is to facilitate everyone else to get settled in first.

Yes very likely. Someone with a problem with their spine and twisting to take coat off is an issue, then the rest of it. Thirty seconds it isn't but regardless the woman said she'd kept other people waiting and she had. Sometimes the truth hurts doesn't it.

Well, no. Not that truth. Not particularly. Waiting for 30 seconds? This is a classic case of a pile on for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than people want to. It’s really very curious. Almost 20 years on here and I’ve never quite understood it. It’s like the more benign the issue, the more insistent people get that there has been some major social infraction.

No, truth doesn’t hurt. But you know what does hurt? Having a problem with your spine and arthritis and then being expected to prioritise other people.

Learn some empathy.

Absolutely agree with this. I said similar upthread that being held up for a minute or two by other people going about their business is just part of living in society. We ALL are in the way of someone else sometimes. If I'm doing a return at a supermarket, or reversing into my drive (as we are constantly lectured on here we must do), or sending three parcels at the post office or strapping a kid into a car seat so my door is open into the next space, or rinsing my cup at work I'm likely in someone's way for a minute. All of those things could be done in a way less convenient to me but better for someone else but it's life. The OP, if you read the updates, slipped a coffee cup out of an exposed side pocket, reached up and slid a bag and coat on the rack. The "queue" will build up in seconds on a train so that's not evidence it was taking ages. There's so literal tolerance for the basic existence of other people now it's quite worrying.

Quite! And the whole disability thing is irrelevant here. It doesn’t matter if it’s the person shedding their coat, or the rude woman in the seat, or the queuing passengers who have the disability. Hidden or not. It doesn’t matter if they’re all Olympic level fit. What we are describing here is a perfectly mundane set of circumstances that happens every day in situations where people are in close quarters. Jostling to get into a lift, finding a car park, getting your kids in and out of a car, getting you and your kids sorted before vacating your table at a cafe, packing your groceries at the supermarket. The list is endless. Sometimes people have to wait a few moments. It’s an almost imperceptible blip in the context of daily minor inconveniences. And if you choose to be part of society and it bothers you, then so what?

Just wanted to come and report back that on my train last night, this man sitting in the window seat WOKE ME UP so he could get off at his stop!

An outrageous action I'm sure you'll all agree, he should have thought to ask when I was getting off when he shifted over to let me sit down.

...or not, as @W0tnow says, a totally mundane circumstance that most people manage to get past without making a snarky comment.

It is helpful when people board public transport efficiently. Faffing around and creating congestion in carriages bottleneck the doors and contribute to train delays and missed connections.