Impatient train woman

[Bigtom]

I regularly commute on a train for around an hour each way. There are no reserved seats. I have a type of arthritis that makes sitting (or standing!) quite uncomfortable so I try to get one of the limited seats with extra leg room.

I walked the length of the train to find one today and the only one was a window seat with someone already sitting in the aisle. I duly asked the lady in the aisle if it was free and she said yes and stood up. I then took off my coat and got my coffee cup out of my bag and put my bag and coat in the overhead rack. While I did this a bit of a queue of people built up.

When I sat down, the lady muttered “take your time why don’t you”. AIBU to think she was very rude and should sit on the window seat if she doesn’t want to move? When I said that, she responded that I was keeping other people waiting!

Incredibly rude of her to comment. This is the sort of situation where you have to grin and bear it, like the queue to get to your seat on a plane. Inevitably you are behind at least one person who is loading an overhead locker. Public transport seems to bring out the worst in people.

The only question I have is did you perform these tasks with a sort of air of practiced nonchalance? Like there was no sense of urgency? It is sort of expected in this situation that you appear a little flustered and rush whilst apologising repeatedly. If you were acting like you were mindfully gathering up your belongings at the end of a yoga class it would irk the people waiting. Be honest.

I guess what you did OP was more than an average person usually does before sitting down in a train and was slower than an average person usually does. So from the outside it looked like slow unnecessary faffing. I got this a lot recently when my shoulder was hurt - people thought that I was faffing but I was just slow and careful.
However saying this, she was unnecessary rude. She should have learned by now (she didn’t sound 5y.o from your description) that people might have their reasons for things. But again you can easily forget it on a bad day. I’m sure we all guilty of it sometimes.
Apologies if someone mentioned this already.

It should be mutual, having arthritis isn't nice as I know but it doesn't mean you just assume you can inconvenience other people. People blocking the aisles on trains are annoying and the woman didn't say anything that wasn't true did she.

She wasn't blocking the aisle to twirl on her toes, she was putting her things away / down.

The woman was very rude. If a stranger told you 'take your time why don't you' for doing a perfectly ordinary thing you would be singing a different tune.

What exactly were the other people waiting for? There's no where to go!

Oh no, the woman had to stand up for 30 seconds.

Do you honestly think the OP was timing herself? No that is a throwaway figure and in no way can we regard it as accurate but regardless of that you have no way of knowing how painful it was for her to get up, stand there and then sit down again. The least the OP could have done was apologise but even better when the woman went to stand OP could have said to wait as she had to sort herself out. It isn't hard to be considerate.

They probably wanted to sit down on one of the many seats the OP said were available.

Meh I can’t be bothered with people faffing about with this kind of stuff, oblivious to the fact a queue is forming. But then I am a pathological people pleaser, impatient with a a type A personality and would probably have ended up sitting the entire journey with my coat on rather than do this. So no, yanbu!

I suspect it wasn’t clear you were struggling and in pain.
You do come off as quite entitled. I’d have been cross with you if I was the lady who stood to let you in or if I’d been in the queue of people waiting to get by.
We all have our ‘thing’ going on. You should be more understanding of their impatience (and perhaps have shown a little humility), just as you expect them to be understanding of your invisible arthritis.

you sound likehard work.

Not odd at all to sit in the aisle seat on a train with plenty of spare seats. It says that you don’t want to sit next to anyone!
No wonder she was tetchy. You pushed a lot of buttons in those 30 seconds you took to make sure YOU were OK.

I completely agree. Some posters are cross examining the OP on the extent of her disability, almost trying to ‘catch her out’ and get her to justify her needs. It is very peculiar.

It’s not selfish if you’re disabled to take the time to do that. But commuters have little patience, and they had no idea about your condition. They just want to find a seat and sit down.

She was rude but you faffed.

You’d be cross at being asked to get up?

Then you would have been crosser had OP sat down and then asked you to stand up again so she can put her coat away.

Or are you saying OP should have the spent the entire journey being uncomfortable to placate you?

No, OP shouldn’t have to show ‘understanding and humility’ to people who make passive aggressive comments like ‘take your time why don’t you’.

You would benefit from going on a disability / inclusion course, your views are so ignorant.

If there were plenty of empty seats, and I had chosen an aisle seat (indicating a wish to travel without being seated next to someone), and OP had asked to take the seat beside me then made me wait while she ‘sorted herself out’, yes - I’d have been cross!
I wouldn’t have known her reasons for disrupting me, and I may have reasons of my own to not want her sitting beside me. I’d have just thought she was being an a-hole!

Your sense of entitlement is insane. Just because you sat in an aisle seat next to an empty window seat doesn’t mean you have any rights over who sits in the empty window seat.

In fact OP has explained her NEED of that sitting there (it was the only one left with extra legroom she needs). You’re being spectacularly selfish.

I wouldn’t have known her reasons for disrupting me,

Ignorance isn’t an excuse to make passive aggressive comments.

She can think what she likes at the end of the day, I can’t police what people think. It’s the fact she was rude I object to.

You really can’t expect to sit in an aisle seat and have no-one want to sit in the window seat, can you?

You were rude! You get everything ready before you get on the train! You don't hold up everyone trying to get on the train just to take your coat off and get your cup ready.

You’re really invested in this aren’t you? 😂

I will be sure to time myself next time and report back.

I would have done that on Friday but I stepped into the empty aisle seat to let several people past which probably added to the time it took me to sit down. See how much easier it is when people sit in the window seat first?

By the way, I’m not saying people can’t choose to sit in the aisle seat, of course they can. But they can’t expect not to be disturbed if they do and, yes, the person wanting the window seat may have a particular need for that seat which may also mean they have other unseen needs.

All she had to do was be patient for 30 seconds (or possibly a bit longer - maybe even a minute!). Even if she was in pain for that minute, does that trump the much longer period of pain (over an hour) that I would have experienced if I didn’t sit in that seat or take those few steps?

Pretty much what I was going to say.
Faffing drives me bonkers, but she was still rude.

YABU.

I’m sorry you struggle with pain, but how did you know the woman who stood up wasn’t in agony?

Or someone stuck behind you might have Colitis and might be desperately trying to get past to find a toilet? Or another with COPD who is so short of breath that all the want to do is sit down because they also feel like crap? Or a diabetic trying to sit down to treat a massive hypo before they pass out in the walkway?

I’m sorry you struggle, but I doubt you were the only person there with an invisible illness.

You (read) as very entitled, yes she was rude to voice it but you sound like you also need to be mindful of others around you, also.

Ok, let’s say she was in agony for the 30 seconds it took me to sit down. Does that trump the hour of agony I would have suffered if I hadn’t taken that 30 seconds to get myself sorted? She could have saved herself that agony by simply sitting in the window seat in the first place, which would have also saved all the other people as well.