Impatient train woman

[Bigtom]

I regularly commute on a train for around an hour each way. There are no reserved seats. I have a type of arthritis that makes sitting (or standing!) quite uncomfortable so I try to get one of the limited seats with extra leg room.

I walked the length of the train to find one today and the only one was a window seat with someone already sitting in the aisle. I duly asked the lady in the aisle if it was free and she said yes and stood up. I then took off my coat and got my coffee cup out of my bag and put my bag and coat in the overhead rack. While I did this a bit of a queue of people built up.

When I sat down, the lady muttered “take your time why don’t you”. AIBU to think she was very rude and should sit on the window seat if she doesn’t want to move? When I said that, she responded that I was keeping other people waiting!

I'm one of these. I NEED a seat or it's agony. If i could see empty seats filling up while I'm stuck behind you I'd be annoyed. Even if I understood why I'd still be frustrated

She also said it took “2 seconds”. I don’t have arthritis and take longer than 2 seconds to remove my coat and get something out of my bag. This has nothing to do with her disability, it’s her decision as to what order to do things and choosing to inconvenience others rather than herself. A number of us are saying we would have sat and had the coat on our lap. (I can’t even reach the over head things so I’ve never put things up there and coat on lap is totally normal).

Could you have stood for the journey then?

I agree. Most people would just think. Ah she's got her own shit to deal with.

Wasting what time?

You were on the train. The driver wasn't waiting for everyone to sit down.

It won't kill you to wait a few seconds till someone's finished

It feels everyone has pretty much forgotten that we live in society. If we use public transport or go out our front door we have to navigate and negotiate other people. That involves inconveniencing others and being inconvenienced for a few minutes every now and then. Yes you minimise it but you're allowed (or should be) to take care of your own needs for a minute or two and the intolerance on this thread is depressing. Yes maybe the aisle woman had a need, maybe the people behind her did but so did she and they can't ALL win or be first in priority. We have to just try and rub along and not be so outraged when the mere existence of others infringes on our space.

No.

I sit in the aisle sit because I need to because of my disability. If someone wants to sit next to me and by the window then they're more than welcome but there is no should have. That's not ok. Particularly as OP says "extra legroom" seats, which I'm taking to mean priority seats.

That was the man that held you up today, on the train you were on. You witnessed him take longer that you felt he needed and were annoyed by it (as I would have been too Im sure. I also have arthritic knees and find standing very painful)
That doesnt mean the op took ages. Nor does it mean you can know for sure that she took ages any more than I can be sure she was quick. We werent there.
The op clearly thinks she was as quick as she could be. I think the aisle lady had deliberately sat in the aisle seat hoping no one would claim the window seat. The op did which caused the aisle lady to be rude.

I'm with you

OP, I want to know what you would have done if you didn’t find an extra legroom seat? Surely you could just have taken any aisle seat and stretched your legs into the aisle.
Yes, I admit I would have been impatient if I was waiting for you to sort yourself out. Maybe they need to sit down for some reason you don’t know.
If I was hot, I would have already taken my coat off while I was looking for a seat.

The train will move regardless so nobody's time is being wasted. OP says there were plenty of seats so nobody is being deprived of anything, so why should she sit uncomfortably for the full journey just so a couple of selfish fuckers can sit down 30 seconds quicker?

This! It’s so irritating when I’ve spotted a seat I want to sit in but someone is clogging up the aisle preventing everyone moving, so someone coming up the carriage the other way could sit there before I can get to it. Just like you need a specific seat, other people want a particular type too, for a variety of different reasons, eg near a loo. You do sound like you faffed unnecessarily for a long time (getting coffee out etc) and it IS annoying, you could have just squeezed in and said “you go past while I sort my stuff out” or something.

Yes I could have done but there were loads of seats so not sure why I shouldn’t have one?

So that you didn't block the aisle?

I get wound up waiting for people to faff about in the aisle on a train...

It would bother me if I could see a queue of people.

No one knew you are disabled, struggling or in pain. They would probably have been more tolerant otherwise.

I'd have taken my coat off whilst walking through the train finding a seat.

Eh? I’d have thought that sitting with a coat on your lap was far less of a strain than taking it off, folding it up and lifting it onto an overhead rack. I guess she stood up and stepped aside thinking you’d sit straight down, but you didn’t - you faffed about and she couldn’t get back in her seat because you were doing the coat thing.
I would have just sat down straight away so as not to hold other people up, then once the train was going and the aisle clear, have asked the woman if she could let you up to do the coat thing. I would likely have not said anything to you, but I certainly would have thought it!

Held up trying to walk down the aisle to get to a free seat before someone else takes it.

Chances are the train was still in the station and not moving yet although that’s actually irrelevant to whether someone is held up in the aisle.

You should have said yes I will take my time, I can't help it as I have arthritis. It's not obvious to people who are in a hurry if they think people are dawdling. You shouldn't have to explain yourself but sadly sometimes it's just easier

You said there were plenty of spare seats though, so you could have perched in one of those.

My car broke down this morning, not far from my house. I have manual gears, and they were completely stuck. I literally couldn't move the car for several minutes. I put on the hazards while struggling with it - the car coming up behind me still tool it upon himself to beep and blink at me. Dude, I'd move if I could, I'm not just hanging out in the middle of the road with my hazards on at 7 in the morning to get a laugh. It finally dawned on him that he could easily just get around me and go about his business on the otherwise empty road. People are impatient assholes, OP.

Perched! Did you not read even the first paragraph of the OP?

I think there's waaaay too many impatient people in the world today and, in my view, there's very few things in daily life that WOULDN'T benefit from being taken a little more slowly - driving, commuting, walking, working, drinking tea, eating food, reading, spending a little more time actually listening to those you're having conversations with (as opposed to what all-too-many people do when in a conversation which is bide their time until it's their turn to speak again).

I'll probably get told I 'obviously' don't have kids/pets/family/a demanding job or home life etc etc but, frankly, none of those things are anything like a good enough excuse to run yourself ragged and be a rude, impatient twat to everyone else.

Impatience serves NO useful purpose whatsoever.

I agree. People fannying around drives me nuts! I had this happen on a plane in summer. Everybody else managed to get their things in the over head locker and sit down, but oh no, not this couple. They were intent on taking the longest possible route to do everything. It took so long infact, that the flight assistant had to ask them to sit down and let people past 🙄

Kindness goes both ways though! I commute daily and I notice how people rarely have the patience or tolerance for even the slightest slower movements by someone else. I think it is depressing. Of course, there are people who are thoughtless in the amount of time they take for themselves too, but since I don’t know the OP I don’t think it is fair to judge.