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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being so jealous of this family

251 replies

Gryunbjj · 09/12/2024 21:22

I don’t know where it comes from but it bothers me. They go to a state school with my son and are constantly going on lavish holidays, they have a 2 million house (righmove check confirmed), they always appear impeccable and without fault. I don’t understand and it bugs me.

OP posts:
HappyMe6 · 09/12/2024 23:30

So what! Why does it bother you? Just get on with life

DaftyLass · 09/12/2024 23:31

It doesn't sound like they want to be better than others, it sounds more like they want to be their best selves, if you see what I mean

SunnyHappyPeople · 09/12/2024 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Curtainqueen · 09/12/2024 23:34

Gryunbjj · 09/12/2024 21:51

Can’t help how I feel

Show quote history

You should try to. It’s not healthy.

RatInADollhouse · 09/12/2024 23:38

MermaidMummy06 · 09/12/2024 22:57

I've been working in financial planning for a year & have learned that what you see isn't always the reality.

Take my DB, who is a client. Everyone thinks he's rich. Yes, he earns well, lavish holidays, fancy car, eating out, and all I hear is how well he's doing. But he spends it, too. He has mountains of debt and in their 50's they have very little pension saved. Meanwhile, the dumpy looking, dull sibling (me) who is very conservative with money, less fancy home etc has a huge pension & has paid off their mortgage. Holidays are what we want to do & not bragged about.

My SIL is unpleasant & like the mum at your school. I know she's off on another lavish holiday now. Her DH has left her once already & it was kept hush hush.

You really don't know!

Everyone on MN likes to talk about how people with money are actually secretly miserable and in debt up to their eyeballs. Maybe some are. But a lot of them just have more money than you. They may have other problems, just like you and everyone else. But this notion that people who publicly enjoy (or even flaunt) their wealth can possibly be happy is just another form of jealousy.

And frankly PP-- if I were in your brother's situation I would find myself a new financial planner!

pumpkinpillow · 09/12/2024 23:39

Gryunbjj · 09/12/2024 21:55

My son was invited to their house as they have a pool and then felt embarrassed to invite their kid back as we live in a terraced 3 bed.

Your son can come to our house - a 2 bed terrace. I'm not at all embarrassed by my home. If anyone thinks they're better than me due to the size of my house they can sod off.

Hibernating80 · 09/12/2024 23:40

I think your thread has been hijacked by Mumsnet haters. I don't understand why they are trying to make you feel bad about some perfectly ordinary thoughts that you're trying to make sense of. Though it is best to try and understand why you feel inferior compared to these other people so that you can move on and your son can make the most of the friendship.

Yesiknowdear · 09/12/2024 23:40

Doesn't matter what you've seen, I can guarantee that there is some sadness in their lives somewhere that you would not want to swap with them for a second.

Some of the people with the most lovely faces, hair, clothes, cars, houses and careers are some of the most trapped people I know... and honestly I wouldn't swap even my life with that. The constant worry of judgement If you don't keep on and on and on in the hamster wheel, whilst you're exhausted. Far too exhausted to keep on but they cant face the embarrassment of letting down their family, their inlaws, and risk their partners seeing them as different to the person they married...

Honestly, have a look at what you have and appreciate it ♡**

Pallisers · 09/12/2024 23:41

My best friend when I was 8 had a fab house and a pool - and a housekeeper! She preferred coming to my house which was very very different. She was lovely and her mum was lovely too.

Hyperbowl · 09/12/2024 23:44

Comparison is the thief of joy so in effect pointless unless you just want to be miserable which I’m sure that you don’t.

Having money doesn’t buy you happiness which is repeatedly shown on here. That’s like being jealous of celebrities for having amazing lives. Some people will just be better off than others but on the other hand there are always plenty of people worse off than you who would bite your hand off for your life.

SeaUrchinHat · 09/12/2024 23:45

OP sort your life out and stop wasting energy on shit like this, for your son’s sake if not your own. What do you want, for everyone in the world to be as unhappy as you are?

Teenagerantruns · 09/12/2024 23:49

My kids were bought up in a tiny 2 bedroom council flat, some of thier friends loved in 6 bedroom expensive houses near us, they never seemed to care when they stayed at ours...

hopelessmary · 09/12/2024 23:51

Why does it bug you? These people aren't being nasty or doing anything wrong and I think it's says something very down to earth about them if they're sending their kids to a state school and not private if they can clearly afford it and want a broader social circle. You have made assumptions about these people wanting to be better than everyone else with no proof except they like designer clothes?? Why aren't they allowed to buy nice things without people judging them? It's like if you saw a beautiful woman would you automatically think she's a bitch and loves herself? Sorry but this sounds very childish and seems to be based around your own insecurities which aren't their fault but they're being judged by you because of it.

Edingril · 09/12/2024 23:51

Hibernating80 · 09/12/2024 23:40

I think your thread has been hijacked by Mumsnet haters. I don't understand why they are trying to make you feel bad about some perfectly ordinary thoughts that you're trying to make sense of. Though it is best to try and understand why you feel inferior compared to these other people so that you can move on and your son can make the most of the friendship.

The op has deliberately said mean things about a family who have not actually done anything wrong

The op is totally in the wrong and being bitter does not change that

InterIgnis · 09/12/2024 23:54

Yesiknowdear · 09/12/2024 23:40

Doesn't matter what you've seen, I can guarantee that there is some sadness in their lives somewhere that you would not want to swap with them for a second.

Some of the people with the most lovely faces, hair, clothes, cars, houses and careers are some of the most trapped people I know... and honestly I wouldn't swap even my life with that. The constant worry of judgement If you don't keep on and on and on in the hamster wheel, whilst you're exhausted. Far too exhausted to keep on but they cant face the embarrassment of letting down their family, their inlaws, and risk their partners seeing them as different to the person they married...

Honestly, have a look at what you have and appreciate it ♡**

Or they’re perfectly happy people that haven’t been afflicted by any great trauma, and don’t feel in any way trapped or exhausted by their lives.

When studies have been done on the subject, it’s been observed that those with a higher income generally are happier than their counterparts on lower ones. There is a correlation between money and happiness, loathe as some may be to admit it.

OP imagining they’re miserable doesn’t mean they are, and nor does it make her life better.

Bigcat25 · 10/12/2024 00:07

Just invite the boy over. No need to be embarrassed. First of all, he doesn't need to have a hard time making friends bc he has more wealth, and he should know that people come from all walks of life. This is one of those examples of wealth being isolating. My son was invited to a party in an apt, I'd hate for them to feel less than bc we have a house. Spent many years living in a beyond shitty apt so I actually relate more to that situation than my current.

Sorry for the ramble.

steff13 · 10/12/2024 00:11

InterIgnis · 09/12/2024 23:01

Or things may be exactly as they seem - they’re a happy family and not in debt.

Imagining others are secretly miserable in order to make yourself feel better has always seemed fucked up and frankly weird to me.

Same.

TheBestLackAllConviction · 10/12/2024 00:14

Why do you only compare yourself to people with a bigger house than yours, rather than to the vast numbers of people who could not afford to live in Greater London at all?

Avatartar · 10/12/2024 00:15

OP over two posts you’ve said you are jealous of this family who want to be better than everyone else! That’s not even a thing.
Put the wine down and work out what is missing in your life and do a to do list about how you are going to change and take steps to improve your outlook/ achievements

Avatartar · 10/12/2024 00:17

FWIW I know a child who lives in a big house who won’t invite new pals over because they are embarrassed as the first reaction is “this is a big house”
sp edit

whatnow5 · 10/12/2024 00:18

Gryunbjj · 09/12/2024 21:31

i think like they want to be better than anyone else

You’re projecting. You think they are better than you for some reason. You have no idea what they think.

Ozgirl75 · 10/12/2024 00:24

My kids go to private school and they have some friends whose parents are teachers and have pretty modest homes and some friends who are very wealthy. The most pricy house they’ve been to is $25 million and it was very nice! We have a nice house but aren’t in the super rich level although I’m sure many people would love to be in the financial position we are.
There’s always someone richer, cleverer, funnier, better looking. You have to work on counting your own blessings and accepting that everyone else is different.

i also find the idea that there is some secret trauma or sadness to be a bit odd. People can just be wealthy and well adjusted and pretty happy.

Equally, I think you never know - I worked with a girl many years ago when we were in our 20s and I was a little envious of her disposable income, she had great clothes, handbags, a lovely flat and great holidays. I found out later that this was because she had lost both of her parents in her teens and had a large inheritance from this. I quickly swallowed my envy as I am grateful to still have my parents in my late 40s.

Mamaghanouch · 10/12/2024 00:31

Gryunbjj · 09/12/2024 21:22

I don’t know where it comes from but it bothers me. They go to a state school with my son and are constantly going on lavish holidays, they have a 2 million house (righmove check confirmed), they always appear impeccable and without fault. I don’t understand and it bugs me.

I think envious (not jealous) is the right word. Anyone know? There is good reason why envy is regarded as a sin. It is corrosive. Turn your attention to what motivating your thinking OP, and see what you can do to envision change for you maybe.

LBFseBrom · 10/12/2024 00:43

What don't you understand?

Whatever your status, there will always be people who have more than you, that's life. So what? Your post makes no sense.

LBFseBrom · 10/12/2024 00:47

Gryunbjj · 09/12/2024 21:31

i think like they want to be better than anyone else

You think 'like' they want to be better than anyone else? Are they unpleasant, condescending, or what?

I think you are the snobbish one, feeling embarrassed about your terraced house. Nobody cares about your house except you, it's what you are like as a person that counts. That also goes for these people who bug you. If they are nice people who cares what they have or where they live, honestly. They are human beings, like yourself.