Being so jealous of this family

[Gryunbjj]

I don’t know where it comes from but it bothers me. They go to a state school with my son and are constantly going on lavish holidays, they have a 2 million house (righmove check confirmed), they always appear impeccable and without fault. I don’t understand and it bugs me.

OP, please don't let your jealousy ruin a potential friendship for your son.

They are doing nothing wrong, this is a you problem

So why are you jealous of them?

Everyone has problems, OP. Even rich, well dressed people. Nobody is better than anyone else in life,,regardless of status or money, jobs or any material wealth. Being a kind, thoughtful, empathetic person, who is a good listener and friendly is far better.

Comparison is always the thief of joy. I look enviously at those in rude health, wishing my brain and body worked better, and I'd never had a head injury or been harmed by a psychotropic drug.

Life is too short to be envious. Be kind, instead ❤️

I live in a house that’s worth about that. It’s increased in value since we bought it about ten years ago. The main reason I was able to buy it was because both my parents died in pretty unpleasant circumstances, and I inherited some money.

In all honesty having living parents, who could have played an active and supportive role in my kids’ lives, would have been preferable in many ways over living in a house that’s worth a lot of money.

You don’t know what their circumstances are so there’s not really any point being jealous - life deals us all different hands!

My son was invited to their house as they have a pool and then felt embarrassed to invite their kid back as we live in a terraced 3 bed.

Way to teach your children to be ashamed of who they are and where they come from!
Christ.

Are you OK @Gryunbjj ???

I don't think feeling jealous is really reasonable or unreasonable - it's an emotion that isn't based on logic or sense.

Making nasty assumptions about them and not supporting your DC's friendship just because of your own jealousy is unreasonable, though. Jealousy is about our own unfulfilled wants and insecurities, so work through those feelings internally instead of letting them turn into something toxic.

There will always be someone richer and always someone poorer than you.
Not sure why some posters are surprised/impressed that the kids are in state school. Plenty of people with houses of that value and the money for nice holidays don't have a spare half a million quid or so to put two kids through private school.

In the nicest possible way OP, the problem lies with you, not them....

DD had a friend like this and she loved our house, she could kick back and be herself. I often found her delighted to have tea on her lap, could paint, dance, play music …. Freedom she didn’t get at home!

You’d be surprised that impeccable children often had an awful lot of issues!!

The super scrubbed children were often terrified of getting dirty and didn’t know how to play, unless it was super organised and supervised.

Dont judge the child, invite him round, he’s you sons friend.

You have qualities they don’t and vice versa.

You need to work on your inferority complex and mind your own business

Get some self esteem.

Feel sorry for them. If that is how they truly feel that would be exhausting.

Some people have more than you, some have less. You can waste your time feeling bitter and jealous or you can appreciate what you do have.

Just from your post it's clear that you have a child and roof over your head... I wonder how many people in the world are desperate for one of these two things?

I understand, @Gryunbjj

I grew up with a girl whose family was like that. Wealthy, perfect home, elegant clothes, nice cars, super-glam holidays.
Her family stayed in town but she left for points unknown - I learned she moved to Hawaii.
Then, after about 30 years, I heard she was back in our hometown for a visit so I invited her out for lunch.
This was about 1988.
We went to an upscale hotel restaurant.
She brought along her 3-yr-old daughter.
First thing she did was order herself a £30 bottle of wine.
She talked the entire time, a nonstop feed of what had gone on in her life for what sounded like every single solitary day since I’d last seen her.
Then, her daughter started literally yelling about her “pussy” hurting, and pulled off her little knickers right there in the middle of the restaurant, and threw them at her mother.
She ordered the most expensive dishes for both herself and her daughter — which was fine by me, except the daughter would take a bite and spit it out and then take another bite and spit that out. Finally, she stopped eating altogether, (if you consider that eating).
While my friend and I continued our lunch, her daughter did summersaults - sans knickers - up and down the narrow space between the crowded tables, while her mother kept eating, as if this was perfectly normal. I was mortified.

It only went downhill from there, but it reinforced to me that other people’s lives are not as glamorous as we might think they are.

Ok so I have a "rich" friend. They make like a lot of money a year. Their house is worth like a LOT OF MONEY amazing location. She has this beautiful life. But in reality her marriage is hard her lifestyle is hard to maintain and really she isn't really happy. Feel happy for them if their life is happy and they actually are enjoying life because most of us are just surviving. Honestly this post is a lot of a reflection on who you are not on them.

Time for a shake OP. You sound ridiculous.

This family are human beings. With their own lives, emotions, struggles and trauma. Just like everyone else on earth. Just because they live in a bigger, more expensive house with a pool, doesn’t make them better than you. Or anyone. You don’t know what heartache or struggles this family may have felt or be facing. No one’s life is perfect.

Unfortunately, life isn’t fair. We need to play the cards we are dealt with.

There will be some children who live in one bedroom flats, covered in mould and living cramped in squalor. Your 3 bed terraced house will seem like a mansion compared to some children. There is nothing embarrassing about a 3 bed terraced house.

What matters in a home is love, safety and security. A million pound house with a pool doesn’t always equal that.

Be thankful for what you do have, instead of comparing what you don’t. Time to get a grip.

This is about your own insecurities and not about them. You have no idea what they're thinking. I think you want to be better than anyone else and the only way you can get over that is to work out why you think you're not.

It's sad that you don't want your kid to have lovely experiences at their home. If you provide a warm clean home and your child is a good friend then the other kid is not judging. They're at their friend's house. That's all.

Do you never think that people who have to always be this perfect in public are actually putting themselves under a lot of pressure and self-judgement? It's normal to sometimes be scruffy or not your best. That's part of healthy self-acceptance.

highly recommend the book “is that true”?

Do you have the author's name? Searching for just those three words in a book title on Amazon returned several hits.

So what if they do? What difference does it make to your life?

One of my DDs went to school with one girl in particular whose family were millionaires and weren't shy about flaunting it. She got a brand new Range Rover Evoque for her 17th.

Did any of us have a single fuck in us to give? No. There will always be people who have more materially than you do and others who will have less.

I don't understand this mindset at all!

The selfish ones like to use state resources. They are the ones who should be taxed more not those who ease the state education budget by paying for their own children’s education.

Get off your lazy arse and improve your life and income potential instead of being insanely jealous. Don't let your insane jealousy for which you need therapy for rub off on your kids.

A friend of mine lives a very charmed life from the outside but her wealth came from several inheritances. I know she'd give up the money to have her loved ones back so shush with your false 'I don't understand'. People struggle with many issues in their lives and none of it, including the source of their wealth, is any of your business.

I hope your son had a lovely time visiting their home.

I doubt he would have been embarrassed to invite his friend back to yours. Even without a pool I am sure you have a lovely home.

Try not to compare your own situation with that of others, so long as you are comfortable.

That was madness lies, or some such wisdom.