Being so jealous of this family

[Gryunbjj]

I don’t know where it comes from but it bothers me. They go to a state school with my son and are constantly going on lavish holidays, they have a 2 million house (righmove check confirmed), they always appear impeccable and without fault. I don’t understand and it bugs me.

OP, my key advice is to focus on yourself. Find something you enjoy that can be turned into a little business, get stuck into it and writ yourself some goals if you are unhappy with your own situation, dont listen to gossip, invite these kids over, let your kids make friends from all walks of life. I read a book called Get Rich Lucky Bitch, its available in amazon. When I was feeling down and stuck I found it inspiring and helped to change my mindset. Also read Rich Dad Poor Dad, thats a great book for money mindset if your aim is to build weath. So read, focus in yourself, dont listen to gossip, change your mindset one step at a time and you will feel happier and be more able to celebrate other peoples success when you have some goals and a plan of your own. Why do you think wealthy people spend so much on mindset coaching? The good thing is you dont need to spend a lot, you can find resources and books and facebook groups all catered to improving your mindset and improving your circumstances. Some people just seem to want to complain they havent got what others have but not actually do anything to inprove their own situation and put in the work, the only person that can change your circumstance is you and it is entirely possible to do if you focus your energy on yourself rather than wasting your energy and time on being upset with others for having more

I can’t imagine why they might be cliquey with you lot all bitching about them!

I would also recommend changing your cliquey group of gossip mongers for a more inspiring and positive group. My parents grew up poor as can be, literally 10 to a bedroom, no bathroom or food and taken into care kind of poor but got themselves out as they said they couldnt stand the mindset and constant bitching and negativity that goes with that kind of mentality. Social mobility is possible but you have to make sacrifices.

Agree. You see it as 'cliquey' but it is probably obvious to them that you don't like them so they are just going to focus on people who do.

I'm sorry, i see your previous post you feel that other posters have been unfair and my reply was a harsh one.

You would be so much happier if you just focussed on the more meaningful things in life and not other people's stuff.

In my experience “cliquey” on here means a friendship group someone wants to be part of but isn’t.

It sounds like they’re just living their lives. Not hiding their wealth isn’t the same thing as flaunting it, and you not liking to ‘see’ their wealth doesn’t oblige them to conceal it in order to make you feel better. Your envy is not their problem to pander to, alleviate or solve. They won’t be thinking of you, why would they?

As far as being cliquey goes - you mean they’re not desperate for the friendship of those they know full well whisper and bitch about them? No shit. Their wealth isn’t something they need to make amends to you for. It reads like you think they should though, and you’re pissed off because they don’t and won’t. They don’t need your approval.

Envy and jealousy may be emotions many are prone to, but then so are a lot of deeply unpleasant and harmful emotions and behaviors. A ‘natural’ trait isn’t the same thing as a good one. Similarly, you having a problem doesn’t mean that the person you have a problem with has done anything wrong, or that they are responsibility to solve it. Tackling this is on you.

If you dont want to feel that way, give it less head space.

Maybe they work from home on their own hours, maybe they won the lottery, maybe it's family money, maybe he's a high end hooker. It doesn't matter.

Maybe saving on private school affords fancy holidays. Maybe they disagree with private school. It doesn't matter.

Maybe she has OCD and can't let the kids out without them looking perfect. Maybe she's a snotty cow who wants you to feel jealous. Maybe she has the time to spend making sure they look clean and tidy and they're not very messy. It doesn't matter.

Their kid wants to be friends with yours. Hopefully your kid likes them for them not their pool. That matters.

You sound unhappy with your own life. That matters.

Focus on YOU and YOURS.

Advice? Get therapy. Ask for this thread to be deleted since it makes you look ridiculous. That's my advice.

Lol... Clean and tidy children in expensive clothes = them thinking they are better than others?
They have money, they spend it on how their children are presented. Simple.

I can almost understand your issue with the price of the clothes but having an issue with them not being messy?

You need to work on your own insecurities you are projecting onto people. It isn't healthy.

All your comments are noted.

What would make you happy about this couple?
That they didn't wear expensive clothes?
That they didn't live in an expensive house?
That their swimming pool was filled in?
Or do you want see them fail?
Lose their money?
Lose their house?
Live in the streets?
Get cancer and die (after a really awful lengthy painful period of time)?
Because I promise you, even if all those things happened you would not feel better.
This isn't about them, it's about you not being noticed, not being cherished, not being valued.
And the only person who can notice you, cherish you and value you is you.
So, in the kindest way possible, I would encourage to look into
why you don't value yourself,
why that manifests as this extreme envy that means you think other people think they're better than you
and how you can change.

You have actually made the first amd often hardest step, because you have posted here and recognise that your envy is not helping you.

I'm impressed that you've stayed on the thread and not deleted it. You have tonnes of potential to change. It will be hard and upsetting and it will take time.

You can do it.

Thanks @MyrtleStrumpet
“So, in the kindest way possible, I would encourage to look into
why you don't value yourself,
why that manifests as this extreme envy that means you think other people think they're better than you
and how you can change.”

could you suggest possible reasons for this? Why don’t I value myself?

I think you do value yourself. As you seem happy to look down on others. But you’re deeply materialistic . You want all the sruff you can’t afford, expensive clothes, big house, nice cars etc. and you dislike those who have what you want. However clearly you think people who have all these trappings of wealth are better than you, as you do not.

the question I guess is why are you so materialistic, why are you not happy with what you have, why do you think having money makes someone better, superior. Than someone who doesn’t. What is it about wealth that impresses you so much.

I think you value wealth and the trappings of it. And think those who have it, are better in some way.

Perhaps you learned from others that being valued and cherished only came if you had money, nice things or were attractive, but I don't know you and I might be wrong.

Perhaps you could think of how you might feel about yourself if you did value and cherish yourself. And how that might change how you might think about these people.

I would suggest that you seek the advice of a professional who can help you explore those things and help you resolve it.

Also op, this desire for wealth is so deep in you, you don’t even want to return a play date, at your child’s expense, as you don’t wish these people to see you don’t have what they have.

i wonder if you do this in other areas. So if you see a woman who you perceive as more attractive than you. Or a successful one with a good job. Although I recognise your envy focused on her kids being better dressed than yours, so maybe you don’t work.

or do you. If you want these things, do,you do anything to achieve that?

How would strangers in the internet know? If YOU don't know, your best bet is a therapist.

@samarrange

It’s by Byron Katie (first name is Byron)

there are 2-3 books in the series, this is the first one. Hopefully this link works:
Byron Katie

I think OP is struggling and asking for help with how to change her mindset. I have offered some advice above if books I have read that helped me. I encourage others to do the same, OP sounds like she is struggling and needs some advice not just to be told she is bitter and jelous. Op knows this and has said she doesnt want to feel like this and has asked for help. I have been down before and jelousy creeps in and you dont understand yourself anymore. Its a dark place and you can get out of it if you find tge right strategies.

Thanks @Crazybaby123

Surely though everyone has someone who earns less/earns more? As we don't live in China! My own DD had a friend like this. No matter ,she was a lovely girl and they are still close now.we have a modest 3 bed semi. They had a 6 bed on the swish part of town. Sometimes felt a little envious but don't let it take over

What do you mean in your OP where you say “I dont understand.” What don’t you understand @Gryunbjj ?

You must know that some people have lots more money than you? Why are you so vested in this family? Their wealth is none of your business and doesn’t affect you in any way whatsoever.

Sometimes people just want validation for their jealousy (i.e other people to be bitter and have a moan with) rather than help to change. It's really good that OP doesnt want this. I think the negative response from everyone is because it wasn't really clear from her first post that she was being humble and looking to change but rather just find other people to join in and be catty...
Great that she's not doing that though 👍

Jealousy sucks. I used to feel this way in high school when comparing myself with a friend. I had terrible acne and hated myself and she seemed to breeze through everything and was so pretty. And I just looked in the mirror one day and said I wanted to not turn into a horrible person, I want celebrate my own strengths and other people's wins too. (Not in those exact words, i was about 15) but I remember looking in the mirror and realising I didn't like what jealousy was doing to me.

Yes it can be hard to like yourself and not compare if your own self worth is on the floor but that's why you have to work on yourself/what you like/what you'd like to improve and not focus on what others are doing/have that you don't. There will always be someone more 'blessed' than you but wish them well because you don't know their backstory or what they have been through.

They could have a business that pays them a dividend, they could have an inheritance, they could have won the lottery or they could work from home.

My friend wfh and earns over £100k but her next door neighbour thinks she's on benefits because she doesn't leave the house to go to work. It's all about perception and critical thinking skills of which you have neither.

What’s a dividend?

If you own shares in a company, some of the profits are shared with the shareholders. That money is called a dividend.