Being so jealous of this family

[Gryunbjj]

I don’t know where it comes from but it bothers me. They go to a state school with my son and are constantly going on lavish holidays, they have a 2 million house (righmove check confirmed), they always appear impeccable and without fault. I don’t understand and it bugs me.

To quote Byron Katie, “is that true”, OP? Do you really feel that way towards them? Or if you turned it around might it say more about you?

highly recommend the book “is that true”? It is life changing.

Sounds like a you problem.

Well then it's up to you to educate your son about how being a good host is not about how big your house is.

My brother went to private prep school and regularly went to big houses and even castles in some cases, and those same friends came back to our house which was admittedly quite big but nothing like theirs, and no-one ever made an issue of it.

Well someone who lived in a 2 bed flat might be envious of your 3 bed terrace.

How would you prefer them to behave?

You need help.

That's definitely a you issue and I doubt your sons friend could give 2 shiny shites about you not having a pool.

He probably just wants to hang out with your son.

Maybe they don't believe in elitism and private education. Maybe the local state school has a great reputation.

Who knows. You could always ask them.

Literally sounds like they've done nothing wrong.

If they came to your 3 bed terraced and insulted it then you'd have a case against them.

We live in a 4 bed semi and DC at private school so most of their friends have nicer houses than us. Most also have nicer clothes etc.

I'm very proud that we own our own home and look after it accordingly. We love our street and our neighbours and are proud to bring our DC up somewhere safe and fun.

If other people, regardless of their own home, be it bigger or smaller than ours, were to act like they thought less of us for living here then I'd not be seeing them again.

But currently it sounds as if the only interactions this family have had with you is to have invited your son to their house.

My daughter has a friend with a beautiful pool. She loves getting invited there and we've had lovely summer get togethers.

Her friends have equally had a whale of a time being silly in our paddling pool.

Sure my daughter says she wants a house with a pool - I tell her that's great motivation to work hard at school.

We live in a big house, and apart from the perfect LA styled kids, this could be us. My DD best friend lives in a flat above a shop. She is an absolute delight. She’s funny, engaging, sporty and beautiful. My DD13 has never mentioned her house, she’s stays over, they have such a great time together, it’s not on her radar.

Why care OP? It doesn’t matter.

No but you can help posting about it on here

Jealous isn't a good look

Is it the money OP or the “put togertheness”?

If your family were beautifully turned out would you feel the same? Is it that they appear like a unit?

If you had the quality time that comes with long holidays abroad would you feel the same?

Might be worth digging into because if it’s something other than just being envious of a massive house, you might find you can recreate what you’re looking for.

I'd be a bit jealous too. Mainly of their holidays and pool!
But, comparison is the thief of joy. I have everything I need, no point enjoying it less because someone else has more.
And imagine how much effort it takes to maintain and keep clean!

But you can...

You actually can.

It doesn’t, you pay someone for that!

It has nothing to do with 'they think they are better' - they just have more money

I've found that people who are used to things being constantly a bit tight are often the first ones out there buying the 'lions at the gate'houses, flash cars and endless holidays- I presumeOP your life would stay exactly the same if you suddenly won the lottery??

Why? Not every wealthy person agrees with private education.

I had friend like you once. I’m the rich one here and she is so jealous. I cut ties with her. Rich people dont want to look better than other. They dont care. I dont care. Usually its people like you who think like that. All because of jealousy.

Well definitely better than you and your attitude

It’s quite normal to feel jealousy towards others. I’m jealous of my brother who has a multi million pound 11 bedroom house, woods, a pool… he earns bonuses several times larger than our yearly income.
But that’s a me problem and something I need to work on. Try to get over it x

Of course you can.

Currently, these people are probably sitting in their lovely house watching tv, having a chat, and not even thinking about you.

What’s stopping you from always looking perfectly ‘coiffed’?

Yes you can. You have the choice to change.
Practice self awareness to understand why these feelings are coming up, and decide how you would prefer to feel.
Challenge your thoughts and feelings as other pp have said, is it true? What if it is true, how can you manage the discomfort differently?
Stuff like that

You can help how you feel. You can do that by focussing on yourself and not other people. There will always be someone richer, smarter, more beautiful than you ...ALWAYS. You can't change that. But you can change you.. How can you make yourself the best version of you? What can you do to improve your life by 1% tomorrow? This is not a rhetorical question.

Don’t let your jealousy undermine your kids chance at friendship, it’s actually healthy for them to see different kinds of lifestyle. Literally every single one of my sons friends lives in a nice house, we’re in a flat. I’m hoping it will make him aspire to earn a good living.

Yes that was my thought too!

But also, as others have said, you don’t know what is going on in people’s lives, inside their heads etc.