Sick of ignorant people re my religion

[Loisep]

I’m married to a Dane. We met in London at university. We have a great relationship but the ignorance from his friends, family and acquaintances is almost too much to handle.

I am half Indian and was loosely raised Sikh. I think the UK does quite well in comparison to other countries re education on religion. Most Brits do not naturally assume I am Muslim.

That is not the case when I am in Denmark. God forbid I have a beer with new people. “Oh is that not halal?” Blah blah. I end up feeling guilty saying no I’m not Muslim all the time. Like I am distancing myself. I knew there would cultural differences but I never expected such ignorance. So many people think brown people = Arab (in Europe).

Dh wants to move back home and I would if it wasn’t for this extreme ignorance. I worry for future kids.

Am I the one with a chip on my shoulder? Should I just accept that people from other countries have been exposed to different cultural groups? Ie not had an Indian diaspora

Yes it's not unreasonable to expect people to not assume all brown people=Muslim. It's like other silly race based stereotypes, such as black people all being bad at swimming or whatever. Assuming all people of the same skin colour are homogenous is rooted in racism. It's like when people reference Africa as though it's one place and not an entire continent with lots of different cultures.

It's also not down to you to educate people in the age of easy internet access.

It ultimately depends how much it bugs you, OP.

It was clearly just a question - it’s like being pissed off if someone asks if you’re a mother

You do know that the Vikings (from Denmark) launched many massacres across Britain over hundreds of years, extortion (aka Danegeld), raping and so on. So yes ancient Danes did "slaughter loads of yours". BUT having mentioned this solely to correct your poor grasp of history, most of us see no need to raise these events that happened hundreds of years ago. Why you feel the need to raise it regarding what Brits may or may not have done hundreds of years ago is beyond me.

It isn’t really strangers asking me if I am Muslim although it has happened. It’s more extended family members or friends of DH. Some have confused Sikhism as a sect of Islam or assumed it was the same thing.

Then they say "what would you like to drink?"

Yes. They don't know better.

@OP I think you’re being unreasonable for equating Arab with Muslim.
Perhaps before you complain about all the ignorant people surrounding you, you could educate yourself.
Plenty of Arab Christians, Druze, Jews and other minorities in the Middle East.

@Ablondiebutagoody

They may not have colonised India but they did elsewhere.

en.natmus.dk/historical-knowledge/historical-themes/danish-colonies/

Most European nations are guilty of colonisation, at least those with coastlines

So it’s purely a question, and they are trying to get information. I assume you calmly explain the differences and satisfy their question for knowledge and move on.

I think you are being unreasonable. I've been to India many times and have zero expectation that they would (in the main) have much of an idea about the different Western religions or branches of Christianity etc. Why should they unless they have actively looked in to it.

Tranquebar
Between 1620 - 1845 Tranquebar on the Coromandel coast in Southern India was a Danish trading station and colony.

Yes the Danes were in India

Doesn't help op but we pesky Europeans were all pretty naughty!

It was clearly just a question - it’s like being pissed off if someone asks if you’re a mother

I don't think so. God forbid I have a beer with new people. “Oh is that not halal?” - that example is the person making an assumption based on nothing other than her colour, it seems. Why assume she has any religion let alone a specific one?

Surely if it's his Danish friends and family that are assuming you are Muslim, then once he tells them all to stop with the comments, that you aren't Muslim, then it will stop.
If you aren't a practising Sikh then why does it come up at all.
I don't practise any religion, when we lived abroad via was asked if I attend church/Do I have a Church, etc etc I just said No. None of Dh family and friends bothered me about it again.
Strangers never brought up religion with me at all. Do strangers in Denmark make comments to you?

I’m sharing what others believe. My best friend is of Iranian descent and is Jewish. I am fully aware Arabs are not all Muslim.

@Ablondiebutagoody so is it my colonial links that make me aware that not all dark skinned people Muslims? Because I could have sworn it was just general knowledge, education, awareness, and lack of prejudice. Astounding that British people are being blamed for being too aware and considerate.
Damned if we do, damned if we don't!

I think you are going to have to accept that for a lot of Danish people, every brown person they have ever met has been a Muslim. So they will naturally equate the two. People make a lot of simplifying assumptions to get through the day. It would be nice if they didn't, but that's just how it is, and you're not going to be able to fix it, at least for the people whom you only encounter when out in public.

If the worst that happens is that they think you aren't allowed to drink alcohol and make a jokey comment about that, and you can say something like "Actually, like 90% of Indians, I'm not Muslim" (or whatever --- only you can choose how you identify, of course), and they go "Oh" and look a bit sheepish, then perhaps you can live with that. (You might also find that you get Danish Muslims commenting if they see you with a beer or a bacon sandwich...) Obviously if they don't believe that you're not a Muslim and start with the Islamophobic comments then you would want to walk away, but I'm not sure how likely that is on any given day.

I'm white and look very northern European, and I have lived for a time in a country where, although everyone else was notionally white, I stuck out like a sore thumb. So people would assume I didn't speak the local language. Sometimes I would correct them, sometimes not. It was occasionally tedious, but never worse than that.

I think that if you did move to Denmark you would acquire all kinds of stories about the differences between the two countries, which would naturally fall into a "better" or "worse" column. Maybe "So many people assume I'm a Muslim" would become just one of the items under "worse", to be compensated by the things that are better about Denmark than the UK. 🙏

Isn't there a significant Christian community in India?

Sorry OP but Iranians are not Arabs. They speak Farsi, not Arabic.
If you can’t even nail your best friend’s culture or ethnicity then perhaps, again, you may want to refrain from judging others because they are curious about you.

Alot are Catholic thanks to the Portuguese Colonials.

The OP wasn’t asked what religion she was, she was asked was the beer she was having not halal, ergo assuming she was Muslim.

This approach would be very Scandinavian. And work well.

I know not all Middle Easterners are Arabs (I actually did type that out in the post you quote but deleted it). The thing is if/when I meet someone from the ME I don’t automatically ask “are you Muslim? or “are you Arab?”. I wait for that info to be shared if it ever is.

I’m not going around articulating false assumptions

I’m so shocked that people genuinely think it is acceptable to assume a person’s religion based on nothing more than skin colour or physical appearance in 2024. I’m not expecting the average Dane to be an expert on Indian religions and to name the 10 gurus in chronological order. It would be nice if the very basic concept that brown people are not a monolith was understood.

If I was speaking to someone who was of East Asian descent I would ask “may I ask what your country of origin is? (if appropriate to do so). I wouldn’t go up to them and ask “are you [insert nationality]? That would be unbelievably ignorant and rude.

Im certainly no expert on world religions myself but I do my best not to be ignorant to people’s faces.

I think you are unreasonable OP. In a way you are doing the same as them - they don’t know about religions in India, you don’t know about Danish culture. Different countries have different curriculums, different structure of population and different ways of communicating. You’ve said that the way they ask you the question is rude, but maybe for them it’s not rude, maybe it’s their way.
You mentioned Japanese people, I didn’t realise they are Buddhists. I know about Judaism and Islam quite a lot but not about Buddhism or Sikhism. I can’t say I’m very religious and I don’t have any Sikh or Buddhist friends. I didn’t know that there are Catholics in India until I met someone who was exactly this.
People’s knowledge is very much affected by their environment and their experience.
I wouldn’t be so judgemental in your place.

But you have faced reality is different in Denmark.