Sick of ignorant people re my religion

[Loisep]

I’m married to a Dane. We met in London at university. We have a great relationship but the ignorance from his friends, family and acquaintances is almost too much to handle.

I am half Indian and was loosely raised Sikh. I think the UK does quite well in comparison to other countries re education on religion. Most Brits do not naturally assume I am Muslim.

That is not the case when I am in Denmark. God forbid I have a beer with new people. “Oh is that not halal?” Blah blah. I end up feeling guilty saying no I’m not Muslim all the time. Like I am distancing myself. I knew there would cultural differences but I never expected such ignorance. So many people think brown people = Arab (in Europe).

Dh wants to move back home and I would if it wasn’t for this extreme ignorance. I worry for future kids.

Am I the one with a chip on my shoulder? Should I just accept that people from other countries have been exposed to different cultural groups? Ie not had an Indian diaspora

It's also interesting that someone said that Denmark isn't a religious country, in which case you'd wonder why they'd raise it at all.

Compared with the US, or what was West Germany, where religion is important and for example in the Western parts of Germany you were always asked if you were Protestant or Catholic. As someone who wasn't christened, I never quite knew what to answer, although I did go to a church primary (just a normal village school).

Generally it's easier to stay away from religion as a topic!

You don’t just ask random people questions though do you because they look different than you. When does religion come up for most of us. Never I’d suggest. I don’t know the religion of any of my colleagues apart from one who has told me.

OP isn't talking about being asked about her religion. She's talking about people incorrectly assuming her religion from her skin colour.

That's racist. And ignorant.

Anyone who thinks its not an issue is also racist and ignorant 🤷‍♀️

I am aware this thinking is incorrect, its why I used the phrase 'for my sins', and an assumption is just a thought, not a statement.

Let me give you an example

Although born in the UK, I have spent time in India, which in the early stages was a country very alien to me in many ways. I once remember on a very hot Christmas day seeing a white couple with English accents, and without thinking broke into a broad grin and wished them Merry Christmas.

would you find this offensive?

If it is racism, then you should expect that

With attitudes like that we're doomed.

I think you just need to accept different countries don’t teach RE to the same extent the UK does. And even then in the UK it really depends on what area you are from. I remember living in France and an acquaintance was shocked at my knowledge of Judaism. He was Jewish but in France there was no RE so he was flabbergasted I knew what Sukkot was.

I think you just need to accept there are different levels of knowledge of certain things and if somebody mentions something to you just say “That’s Islam, not Sikhism.”

Edit:

DOH!!!!

I misread your post. It’s about skin colour. Yes they are stupid and when confronted by stupid people I painstakingly asking them questions to get them to realise their stupidity. So say to them “halal? Why would I be halal?” Muslim? Why would you think I was Muslim?” I “look” like a Muslim?” What does a Muslim “look” like?”

They generally start to understand they are being very stupid with their questions.

Uhm. The Inuit people of Greenland arrived later than the Scandinavians.

Why?

YANBU to have reservations about moving somewhere where there is less familiarity and understanding of your religion than where you currently live and I think it’s understandable to factor that into your decision making. It’s also understandable to feel frustrated by people making incorrect assumptions about your religion based on your appearance. But unfortunately there’s not much you can do about it if you do want to move to Denmark but accept they just don’t have the same cultural references as the UK and the average person isn’t as aware of certain cultures and religions as they might be here.

This reminds me of a conversation I had years ago with a colleague from the US. I asked if she was Sikh as she’d mentioned her middle name in passing and I knew from a friend at school that it was a common Sikh name. She was really surprised and said nobody back home in the US knew much about Sikhism at all. Which I remember finding really strange at the time as the basics are covered pretty well in primary schools here.

This thread honestly. If you don’t understand why the OP as a Sikh is upset at constantly being asked if she’s Muslim you need to go and do some reading.

I suspect you look like my friend in college. Absolutely can pass for anything. I had absolutely no idea she was Indian until we were discussing racism one day and the tutor asked how she deals with racism as an Indian. I lived a pretty sheltered existence I guess.

@MumChp

Tbh I think people ask because they know Islam. They can't ask if you are Sikh as it wouldn't be a religion most Danes know about.
I can't think when I last asked what if any religion someone was

You see again from a UK perspective telling someone to "go home" because you disagree with them would be quite racist.

If the DH's friends or family are likely to visit here then the OP might like to get them up to speed on when and how to ask about religion in the UK - at least enough that they won't cause trouble for the OP or get themselves arrested.

The whole point of this thread is that the op is unsure if it's a good idea to move to a country where she regularly experiences casual racism from her own family.
So far the narrative has been;

1. no Denmark isn't racist
2. well even if they are that's just the culture and you can't change it

In a similar situation I didn't move to my DH's home country. We didn't stay in University town either but instead looked at places in the UK with good transport links to both home country and home region. Then narrowed it down by considering suitable job prospects for us both and finally considered what hobbies we have. We found somewhere that suits us and is cheaper than London.
@Loisep Could you make a similar list and then start a thread on asking for ideas for where to live near towns XY and Z?

But British people do get asked about their religion because members of Church of England call themselves protestants but some of the rituals look very Catholic to Danes. Since British television series are often shown in Denmark people know about the rituals and wonder about them.

Ah, pet, did you skip politics, ethics and sociology too? Pointing out that the curriculum in the England tends to happily skip over colonialism and other awkward aspects of British ( mostly English) history is t racist.

It accounts for the questions, which she would know if she did some research. And she should do the research if her husband thinks it's a good idea to live there.

Pp is right, Danish people don't have much historical context to go on when it comes to some cultures.

They do have some recent context though, and they want to know if you're Muslim because there is a certain negative view of Muslims in Danish society. (Re: "recent history" remark).

Not "plenty". Some. A very small number.

The Danes are seeing in the OP what they are familiar with. South Asians are Muslims, as far as they're concerned. To their credit, they're asking so they can find out - they're not assuming.

Though, overall, the anti Islamic feeling in Denmark really is racist.

Because they're very direct (being Scandinavian) and ask personal questions that would make a Brit blush. Also, they possibly have an inkling that she may not be Muslim and they're curious.

@mathanxiety

To their credit, they're asking so they can find out - they're not assuming.
Why are they asking at all? When was the last time you asked people what religion they were? I can't think when I last might have and there would have been a very specific context.

That's a very British attitude.

The Danes are not British.

Expecting a British sense of what anyone should or shouldn't ask is more than a bit Little Englandish.

Ok, but I’m not British.

That may be because you have a good deal of experience of the cultures and people ME or India.

Can you not accept that the Danes do not, for many reasons?

Would you be able to identify Catholics from Protestants in Nortnern Ireland? I'm pretty sure I would.

Yeah, the Danes would love being told they're not behaving in a sufficiently British manner.

When in Denmark...

...be straightforward.

Answer questions directly.
Respond matter ofnfactly to comments.

Neither am I, fwiw.

But expecting people from different cultures to interact with you as if they were members of your culture is preposterous.

I don't expect British people to adopt Irish manners or ways of interacting when I'm in their company, in the UK. I adapt to them.

Would you be able to identify Catholics from Protestants in Nortnern Ireland? I'm pretty sure I would.

If you couldn't though...the equivalent here is that someone who can't hears an Irish accent and makes an assumption one way or the other. That'd be sure to go down well.

The thing is, there are multiple Irish accents.

Telling an RC from a protestant in NI isn't really anything to do with accent either.

The OP expects Danes to do something that the vast majority of British people (outside of NI) wouldn't be able to do wrt people in their own country.