Sick of ignorant people re my religion

[Loisep]

I’m married to a Dane. We met in London at university. We have a great relationship but the ignorance from his friends, family and acquaintances is almost too much to handle.

I am half Indian and was loosely raised Sikh. I think the UK does quite well in comparison to other countries re education on religion. Most Brits do not naturally assume I am Muslim.

That is not the case when I am in Denmark. God forbid I have a beer with new people. “Oh is that not halal?” Blah blah. I end up feeling guilty saying no I’m not Muslim all the time. Like I am distancing myself. I knew there would cultural differences but I never expected such ignorance. So many people think brown people = Arab (in Europe).

Dh wants to move back home and I would if it wasn’t for this extreme ignorance. I worry for future kids.

Am I the one with a chip on my shoulder? Should I just accept that people from other countries have been exposed to different cultural groups? Ie not had an Indian diaspora

Nail on head!
The directness of the Swedes and Danes made me wince sometimes.

Did they colonise India?

So was Lindisfarne. I am sure the Native people of Greenland were treated wonderfully either. What relevance is this anyway?

So what are you proud of about Britain? What’s your views on Alexander the Great, the Romans? The vikings?

They massacred many English and other people on the British Isles.

Even if Denmark didn't have a massive empire they can figure out that OP isn't Muslim.

Yes. They did actually.

I think a bit more general knowledge about religion would be great for the Danes.

Denmark is a small country. People from abroad do settle in Denmark in 2024 but it is a quite new thing for the Danes. A lot of people around 40 yo didn't go to school with any 'brown kids'.

I think it’s more that they look at her, see her race and assume her religion from her face instead of bothering to ask…

Yes, this.

Isn’t that her point- don’t assume a person’s religion just because she is browned skinned. If they don’t care that’s fair enough - but not to ignorantly assume every brown person is a Muslim.

Possibly cos they’re trying to buy her the right drink?

OP, Danes can and do say everything - the first time I met some in-laws, the dad swung us round the vibrator museum grumbling he wasn’t ‘at all turned on’.

They take equal rights as a given, which comes as a rude shock to anyone with minority status wanting to be made a fuss of. If that sounds snippy, it really isn’t - I’ve had ‘lively’ debates explaining the history of female oppression to stunned young men, for instance.

You won’t get racism, ever, IME, but you do get personal questions.

No one’s assuming - they asked, which is the opposite of presumption.

Most Danes would say 'Oh, just want to know' . They don't find the question rude.

Denmark had two small Indian enclaves. Neither anywhere near the Punjab.

No Dane expect a few history teachers would know that.

Exactly! OP doesn’t want them to care - it’s then who are bringing religion up and asking her about it, while making assumptions in the process.

Very rarely has anyone in my life asked me what religion I am unless I’ve maybe happened to mention going to church and they wanted to know more .

I don’t recall asking others either. I can’t imagine it coming up as a topic of conversation unless it was a long friendship. Meeting someone at a bar or briefly shouldn’t really result in that question.

As I understand it, are they are being curious and inquisitive rather than abusive and insulting?

I am Sikh and for my sins, the first assumption I would make seeing a white skinned person in India would be that they are Christian!

On the bright side if its only friends, family and acquaintances, then surely this is a one time question that allows you to educate them, and you probably won't be asked the same question twice by the same person.

I think as long as you are not getting discriminated against, the situation could resolve itself in a very short period.

Good luck

How about the Danish West Indies (sold to the USA in 1917 now the US Virgin Islands)?

And why should they, really? It just a question.

But most Danes tbh are not aware of this. Danes more or less think 'brown = muslim'.
A lot of room for improvement but as said Religion isn't big at schools.

Then why put British people - your own people - down like this? In my country we would never do this, where is your national pride? Is it the fault of the education system? Your media? The op has stated that she finds a better understanding of her heritage in Britain than in Denmark, and instead of thinking 'That's good, I'm glad my people aren't adding to the op's plight' your reaction is to tell the op that British people are bad people. These are your family; your grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, children etc. And it would seem to be an exclusively British trait. Just...why?

Op, I doubt many people in the UK will know why Danish people assume you're Muslim, you should probably challenge their view at the time. It would give you more of an insight.

I know. But don't expect the Danes to understand much of it or the implications of it. Ask them about the Vikings - they are much more knowledgeable and proud of them.

Scandis in general have a reputation for being very ‘direct’, which in the U.K. often translates as ‘rude’.

There is perhaps a straightforward statistical element, it's much more likely any given person is Muslim rather than Sikh.

Yes!
Danes don't try to offend Brits as a rule. Most Danes are quite fond of UK and British way of life but ways of communication from Danes are often very very different than expected among Brits.