Sick of ignorant people re my religion

[Loisep]

I’m married to a Dane. We met in London at university. We have a great relationship but the ignorance from his friends, family and acquaintances is almost too much to handle.

I am half Indian and was loosely raised Sikh. I think the UK does quite well in comparison to other countries re education on religion. Most Brits do not naturally assume I am Muslim.

That is not the case when I am in Denmark. God forbid I have a beer with new people. “Oh is that not halal?” Blah blah. I end up feeling guilty saying no I’m not Muslim all the time. Like I am distancing myself. I knew there would cultural differences but I never expected such ignorance. So many people think brown people = Arab (in Europe).

Dh wants to move back home and I would if it wasn’t for this extreme ignorance. I worry for future kids.

Am I the one with a chip on my shoulder? Should I just accept that people from other countries have been exposed to different cultural groups? Ie not had an Indian diaspora

Also, whilst Denmark is multicultural, it is very segregated. Native Danes and the recent Muslim migrants don't mix, unless in the very poor areas as poverty is a great equaliser.
There have been murders, bombings, planned terrorist attacks and general Islamist trouble brewing in Denmark for some time.
Ordinary, everyday Danes don't really get a chance to meet anyone that doesn't look like them.
You might be the first brown face they've had a chance to talk to, and being Danish, thus direct and inquisitive (I've not met a Dane that hasn't wanted to know everything about me) are asking about your background in a cackhanded manner.

No one should assume anyone’s religion, nor make passing remarks on anyone’s presumed religion.

Most state school classes include 'brown children' in 2024.
But most parents of the pupils won't have had 'brown children' in they childhood schools.

A fun thing in Denmark is that Danes (and state school) assume you speak Arabic/Danish if you are a bilingual child.

You are inferring a hell of a lot there from one sentence but I don't agree that stating a fact = putting people down. Although, you are not the only one here to think that!

In Denmark it doesn't work out that way.
Danes ask you because they want to know not because they want to offend you. Communication is very different and much more direct than in Britain.

I don't think you're wrong for disliking the presumptuous comments and questions. Making assumptions about someone's religious practices based on their skin color is not ok (it's 2024 and I hear that even Denmark has had the internet and international television for a few years now), and those sorts of unsolicited questions about someone's religous practices is generally considered rude in the UK (even if you were muslim it would be a rude, invasive question). I think it's ok to neutrally and simply say "I'm not muslim" in response to questions like that, but there's also a place for just feigning mild confusion ["Why do you ask?"] or just saying you don't much like to discuss your religion. This doesn't mean they have bad intentions or mean to be rude, but you're certainly not wrong to find it uncomfortable.

I think the idea of raising children somewhere where they'll be such a minority is a very thorny one and I don't blame you for being hesitant. Same with not wanting to live somewhere you worry you will always be othered or treated as a bit of an oddity. Is your DH empathetic to your feelings even if he can't know quite what that's like?

I find that a very odd comment. Religion is bound up with so many centuries of history, not just within Europe but also elsewhere. Learning about different religions is IMO part of a rounded general knowledge.

I get that Denmark is a secular society but surely it can't really be true that the average Dane:
won't know what Sikhism is.
won't know that plenty of Indians are Christians
will naturally assume that an Asian person is a Muslim
(all things that have been said by pps to excuse the situation the OP is describing).

If all the above is true about a person, I wouldn't call them secular, I'd call them lacking in basic education and common sense.

You have to feel comfortable where you live, regardless of why if you don't feel comfortable there your DH shouldn't pressure you to move 💐

The people making the halal comments are rude but If people are asking you if you’re a Muslim or not then they’re not really doing anything wrong because they’re not making assumptions. You can just say no I’m Sikh and move on. Rinse and repeat as necessary. Either that or say you don’t like to discuss your religion if thats an issue for you. If people aren’t aware of religions then they’re not going to know unless you correct them. Is it annoying, yes but they’re only showing an interest in your life. They’re not actively trying to be rude necessarily. The guilt thing is odd though, why would you feel guilty? They’ve asked a question, they’re not going to be offended by you answering it.

I think if you’ve not researched Denmark enough to know that they’re not very culturally diverse bearing in mind that you’re considering moving there then you can’t really dig them out for being not very knowledgeable because you’re not either about them.

I can assure you the avarage Dane knows nothing about Sikhism. Won't have paid any thoughts of Indians' religion (unless met one or two to tell them). No, they won't think Asian people are Muslims. Danes place Islam in the Middle East countries.

Religious studies im state schools are very basic in Denmark.

Dear me, there’s some PO pooters out tonight.

No Dane assumed. Not one.

OP, if you do emigrate remember that new arrivals don’t get state benefits for ages - till they’ve got evidence they function socially, eg no criminal charges, consistent job, etc.. Everyone relies on a partner for a while.

So why do Danes, often proudly secular need to learn about the religions of people who come to their country? Surely the people coming to Denmark should respect the secular nature of the country they are moving to.

But you don't assume all brown skinned women are Muslims? Or do you?

But why should someone living in a secular country need to learn about random religions. I’m sure there’s lots of religions you don’t know about - are you uneducated or lacking in common sense.

Why don’t racists stay in their own country instead of inflicting racist views on the countries they emigrate to? Ex pats my arse.

Not to the same extent, but Denmark certainly has its own warlike and colonialist past, and, for example, was rather heavily involved in the slave trade. Maybe not so much with regard to India in particular.

Danes will ask you anything. It's just the way to be Danish. You can say yes or no to answer a question and most Danes will friendly move on to the next question.

But surely what we know isn't limited to what we learn in school. I meant educated in a wider sense. I don't think I ever did Sikhism at school but I know about it through books, tv, films, the internet, general life, conversations. It's weird to me that one of the major world religions wouldn't even be recognisable to most of the population of an educated, Western, first world country.

Certainly their secularism should be respected; but that's not a reason for not knowing anything about other countries' religions. Knowing the difference between a Sikh and a Muslim doesn't mean you've got to adopt either religion!

To be fair, this is not specific to Denmark, and many British people are very confused about different religions, though I think schools do at least try to teach children the basics.

I once had a weird online conversation with an American who thought that the UK was ruled by Muslims and that then Prime Minister Rishi Sunak was a Muslim.

An avarage Dane will no nothing about Sikhism. Sorry.

Danes will ask you anything. It's just the way to be Danish. You can say yes or no to answer a question and most Danes will friendly move on to the next question.

Maybe the OP should be as direct back and ask why the heck they'd assume she's a Muslim. (As far as I can see, the only reason is basically racism)

So why do Danes, often proudly secular need to learn about the religions of people who come to their country? Surely the people coming to Denmark should respect the secular nature of the country they are moving to.

Or maybe the Danes should be a bit truer to their secularism and not assume that a brown skinned person is of one particular religion, or any at all? The OP isn't remotely not respecting the secular nature of Denmark! She's not the one bringing up religion over a beer ffs.

Yikes sorry you’ve had this experience op - I’ve been travelling to Denmark every month for loads of years (could be more some months )- I work for a Danish company - im asian and I’ve never ever had anyone ask if im Muslim - I have had one lady ask if im Swedish tho 😂 I have dark hair, olive skin and brown eyes 😂😂

Why? Religion should be a private matter, a personal interest of the individual- I personally find different religions fascinating -but others find football fascinating. The sooner we make religion irrelevant in our interactions with each other the better.

No. It wouldn't be racism.
A Dane would ask because he/she would like to know you better.
Living in Denmark and understand Danish communication isn't for everyone.