My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

[Biggergirl16]

To preface the thread, when me and my husband met I was a size 10 (this was 17 years ago). Sedimentary job, children etc and I’m now a size 14-16.

Another friend had a baby this weekend, every person we know who has had a baby in the last 5 years has had c-sections for a variety of reasons other than me. In general conversation, I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one. His response was “bigger girls like you…..” my face immediately dropped and he didn’t even bother to finish the sentence. He immediately started back tracking saying he didn’t mean I was fat etc. He has never really commented on my weight before, and I’m under no illusions that I’m “small” but I have recently already lost some weight and was feeling good about myself again. I just can’t look at him the same, it’s completely given me the ick. We were already going through a bit of a rough patch with work pressure, small children etc. I feel this has put the nail in the coffin of our already fledging sex life. He tried to cuddle me in bed last night and I just felt nothing but repulsion. Can I recover from this?!

FFS stop body shaming SLIM WOMEN with small hips! Calling them boy hips! Are you kidding me right now?! You are no better than people fat shaming. SHAME ON YOU!

As a pp said, it's borderline racism too, as most South East Asian women have small frames/narrow hips. SO RUDE!

How does he react if you call him Big Boy?

I've always been an 8.

Narrow hips, no tits.

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway thats a scientific fact! I would be amazed if anyone who is a size 14’s BMI didn’t put them as overweight - most likely obese.

It’s normal for the UK to be a 14 - no judging, but we do need to realise medically that’s overweight!

Why is this so outrageous to say- it’s the truth!

I would have thought he was referring to your frame not your weight.

Your fat content wouldn't determine whether you could give birth naturally, but your pelvic construction would.

🤣 "pushed a baby through my male like body" same here, always been a square yet I had an uneventful, smooth vaginal birth. After months of being bedbound mind you, but my little adolescent boy form pulled through at the last minute I suppose.

Have you quoted the wrong person? I’m one of those slim hipped women the other poster was suggesting were like boys. I’m calling myself boy hipped sarcastically.

let’s all take a breath shall we!

I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one.

What was behind your comment? I find that women who pay specific attention to other women's choices for giving birth are looking for validation of their own 'I did it naturally' event. As if they are somehow superior? Not every woman can give birth vaginally.

I'm in my 50s and a 12/14. I would happily refer to myself as a bigger girl. My 80+ mother refers to her friends as "the girls". I agree with those who would accept it as a statement of fact.

Agree. Does being a sensible adult woman necessarily mean not to exercise?

Eh, I'm a bit overweight since menopause, and it is a fact. I am a 14, I used to be a 12 and am 5 foot 8 inches. I am a bigger girl now I am in my late 50s.

Given the context of the conversation I think this is very likely.

I can't think of any reason why a "fatter" woman (if that was what he meant) would be more likely to give birth naturally than a thinner person so that interpretation doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

I sympathise with being touchy about this sort of thing, though, OP. I have also put on weight and gained wider hips and ribs since having a child (little monkey literally stretched my skeleton!) whereas I used to be very slim and slight (but tall)! I think your DH should probably get a pass on this comment, though, in all fairness! I'm sure you're still lovely looking.

OP there’s no easy way to say this but unfortunately the truth is that size 14 is very overweight. I’m a 12 and when I had my health check up I’m on the verge of obese. Which feels mental and shocking but it’s true based on BMI.@Dumbles

Do you not understand how BMI works? It isn't based on dress size but height and weight. Height and weight.
So maybe you're short which makes you on the verge of obese at size 12, but that is not average or the same for everyone.

I'm size 16, BMI is in the healthy range due to my height. When I was size 8 I was shockingly underweight due to my height.

FFS don't talk about things you don't actually understand.

If you're a size 14/16 and you're around 6 feet tall, then you're not a 'bigger girl' OP.

So whether he's right or not will depend on your height.

I am size 12 to 14 and 5'7" aged 49. Yes I am overweight in terms of BMI: 27.5, but not obese. Measurements are correct for size 12/14 clothing depending on the shop. Never bigger than a 14. My waist to height ratio is in the healthy range meaning I am unlikely to get diabetes. My cholesterol is very good and my blood pressure is on the low side. My resting heart rate is around 55bpm. I go to the gym four times a week and do cardio, weights and yoga and am fit and healthy. My diet is very balanced and I eat plenty of protein, green veg and fibre. I drink alcohol moderately. I'm never ill and never get so much as a sniffle.

But yeah, I must be obese and unhealthy. 🤔

I don't know why weight and comments about it cause so many issues in relationships.

It's only an issue if one person is either in denial or already feeling very sensitive about their weight.

My DP and I are totally open about our weight. We aren't overweight, lower end of normal BMI, I'll say that, but if either of us puts on a few pounds we talk about it, I'll poke his belly or he'll pat mine, and we agree to forgo puddings etc. Our 'rule' is that anything over 4lbs needs dealing with so it doesn't turn into a bigger issue.

The issues that crop up here seem to be because some women feel insecure about their relationship anyway and comments about their size or weight just feed that insecurity.

In secure relationships, couples should support each other with healthy change and be open about their weight.

Sorry meant to bold the top paragraph to show it was a quote, not my words!

It will get to the point men and women wont say anything in the end because everything seems to be offensive nowdays.

Men often say the "wrong" things in my experience.

When I first met DH we went to a cafe and the very overweight waitress was making eyes at him.
When I mentioned this DH said "if I wanted a beer barrel I would have asked for one"..........

What he didn't know was that I had just spent the last two years dieting and exercising.
I had lost 7 stones and gone from size 28 to size 12 !!!

Talk about putting your foot in it 😁

When I told him he was mortified and I did forgive him besides feeling bad for the waitress (although she hadn't heard) and feeling so pissed off at his shallowness.

34 years later we are still together (married for 32 years)
Sadly I have gradually put most of the weight back on again. Illnesses, having children, over indulging, etc.

He's a loving, supportive husband and father and he's never spoke of anyone in that manner again.

He's now overweight himself.......
That'll teach him 😁

OP, sounds as though despite putting his foot in it, your DH is a good man and they are hard to come by.
So yeah, take it at face value and move on x

Well it just sounds like an accurate description but not one that was meant in an insulting manner?

I am fat now (statement of fact - over the last 15 years I have put on 40 kilos and went from a 12 to and 18.)

When referred to as a “bigger / fatter” woman I just take as it is. As it’s true.

I am more intrigued why he thought you being bigger would mean you are more likely to be pushed to give birth naturally.

That was a bonkers post, wasn't it? When I was a size 12 everyone described me as skinny! I wasn't obese or even overweight then. Wasn't overweight at size 14 either, but approaching it.

I have reached it now, alas.

So it's fine for you to trash your slim fit friends (oh it's so funny how all those gym bunnies have had C-sections, but not big old me, I'm all natural, baby!), but when your husband comments (FACTUALLY) about your weight, oh then you're upset.

Size 14-16 IS bigger and more likely not just bigger, but straight up fat, unless you're very tall. Deal with it. Lose weight or quit moping.

Signed by a size 8 gym bunny who gave birth naturally. Next to me you'd look very obviously fat. You won't like it, but that's just a fact.

I think it's ok for partners to point out when their other halves get fat...

My DH would say something similar, not bigger but he would describe me as broader than my friends etc. We joke about it and I can be honest with him about his weight, so I would probably have jokingly retorted back if he referred to me as a bigger girl in comparison to my friends (which is true).

This 100%