My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

[Biggergirl16]

To preface the thread, when me and my husband met I was a size 10 (this was 17 years ago). Sedimentary job, children etc and I’m now a size 14-16.

Another friend had a baby this weekend, every person we know who has had a baby in the last 5 years has had c-sections for a variety of reasons other than me. In general conversation, I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one. His response was “bigger girls like you…..” my face immediately dropped and he didn’t even bother to finish the sentence. He immediately started back tracking saying he didn’t mean I was fat etc. He has never really commented on my weight before, and I’m under no illusions that I’m “small” but I have recently already lost some weight and was feeling good about myself again. I just can’t look at him the same, it’s completely given me the ick. We were already going through a bit of a rough patch with work pressure, small children etc. I feel this has put the nail in the coffin of our already fledging sex life. He tried to cuddle me in bed last night and I just felt nothing but repulsion. Can I recover from this?!

@Phoenixfire1988 "I was an 8 and went to a 12 and I looked huge !! I'm 5ft 4 so at a size 14-16 I'd look like the marshmallow man from ghost busters"

Why did you feel the need to post that ? Did you think people would find it amusing?
I am a size 14-16 , at 5ft6 I do factually look big compared to my 5ft size 8 friend.
But as I exercise regularly and have naturally big shoulders and hips, I don't think I look like marshmallow man
And yes I know you're going to come back and say that's how you feel you look, but it's a pretty judgmental comment.

Try not to take offence, I'm like you shape wise. Samantha Janus was a size 14 when she was in Eastenders and she looked like a model! Some people have wide frames including me so I look good at size 14.
Others have small skeletons so they can look very different.

Samantha Janus was a size eight in eastenders, plenty of interviews at rhe time.

Yeah, it's judgemental but also ignorant. Surely you know that people other than those you are sneering at also refer to themselves and their friends as girls in certain situations? I assume the people whose opinion you care about know not ever to say e.g. "some of the girls are going down the pub for a beer" and that (to put it in the context of the OP), if you have a partner they know not to call you a girl despite being very sure (assuming an intimate relationship) you are a woman.
OP didn't raise it as an issue so I guess she's OK with her husband calling her a girl. I can imagine my husband putting his arm around me if I was upset and saying "come on girl, it'll be OK".

Ignorant? I was sharing the image that 'the girls' conjures up in my head but feel free to sneer and judge me!

I can't stop anyone using 'girls' to refer to grown women, or 'boys' to refer to grown men for that matter. I personally find it slightly creepy and patronising, whereas using 'bigger' as a euphemism for being fat is a non-issue for me.

Is that OK with you?

Am I now going to get piled on for using the f word?

@StMarie4me The problem is vanity sizing. A size 14 now would be 4 inches larger on the waist than it was in the 1970's. We all eat more, do less exercise and are never held to account.

I remember at school we had a full tuck shop available to all. If you had the money you could buy what you wanted when you wanted but as we all did exercise no one was fat. Now no one has any self control (including me) but we just have to own it or nothing will change.

Wow! Is a 14 considered big 🤦‍♀️ I'd love to be a 14!

It depends on the person, as said earlier, a 14 on me at 5ft 7 and I was clinically obese with a bmi of 31.

I’m not in the UK. The local MN favourite Uniqlo stocks adult women’s trousers/jeans in sizes 22 to 26. You might find a 27 if you are lucky. That’s waist size, not dress size.

The percentage of cesarian births is quite high.

I don't think it's purely down to self control or exercise- although to be sure there was much more incidental exercise in the 70s as online shopping didn't exist and less people owned cars.

Fast food is deliberately designed to be addictive, food is available for consumption everywhere, snacking is an all day event and people don't smoke as much anymore- which is obviously a good thing !

But this isn't the case for all countries, most other European countries seem to still prioritise home cooking and moderate portion sizes.

In the UK we have become less aware of what a healthy weight looks like because we are expanding. NB being low weight can also not be healthy as a woman as more likely to get osteoporosis. My DM has always been critical of my size (14 and tubby but I do a lot of exercise), but now she adds in "Its good you're big so you won't get this terrible disease ", which is meant to be comforting rather than insulting, but somehow manages both at the same time.

I didn't say pelvis size had anything to do with being 14 to16, I said that size was average for mature women (as opposed to young women). The pelvis bit is rather by the way (but could have a bearing on increased caesarians since more women who would not have survived childbirth now do and thus are more likely to pass on the genes for a narrow pelvis). Where exactly does a female pelvis measure 12"? Not across the hips, presumably, but in the area of the perineum?

The way people feel bothered by or the need to comment on other people’s weight is astounding to me. At least this person was honestly admitting it was about aesthetics. A lot of people like to pretend their concerns are health related when really they just don’t like seeing fat people.

Who do we need to be held to account by?

My weight and my body is my business and my business alone.

@JHound Pay for any complications you have now or in the future because of your weight yourself then because it's unsustainable to keep loading the cost of obesity on the NHS at a rate of about £6.5bn per year.

And when you do, fine it's no one else's buisness. But don't take offence at anyone making statements of fact. As I said in a previous post, my DD commented that I was short and fat in a spanish piece she was writing for school. I routinely wear size 14 tho have lost about 1 stone and a half. It's true. I am short and fat.

Another friend had a baby this weekend, every person we know who has had a baby in the last 5 years has had c-sections for a variety of reasons other than me. In general conversation, I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one.

OP, I cannot really imagine discussing other women's births with my (then) DH. But in any case you did mention it, and what I think you intended was to gain some praise through comparing yourself to them favourably whilst hinting at their collective failure to birth naturally by singling yourself out. This didn't work as you intended because your DH clumsily compared too. Except you didn't like his version and are now upset your thinly veiled attempts to bolster your own ego backfired.

Would you react this way if you weren't already having a rough patch? It was thoutless but I couldn't get this upset over it personally

You're over reacting. You said due to ongoing issues so you are sensitive and looking for ammunition.
Drop it and look to fix your relationship.

I wouldn't be impressed by that either tbh I was slimmer when I met by DH but he has never said to be bigger girl or big girls

Sadly men do have a habit of saying things the wrong way all the time

Are your a psychologist. Hit the Damn nail right on the head!
I thought that was a pretty innapropriate comment to make about her "friends" also.

A size 14 here and had to have a c-sections, my bigger hips made no difference when it came to giving birth yet a lot of people assume smaller people would need help. It’s not always the case and I think you both made assumptions here and you’ve taken his comment the wrong way and got pissed.

Im glad someone else noticed this too…. 😄

Um, ok?

I agree.

Having had 2 sections myself for medical reasons which threatened mine and my babies health I can tell you for nothing that you have to beg for such a procedure. They aren’t given out like sweets and recovery on the other side takes the piss. I have a genetic tail bone and pelvis issue which was dismissed the first time round and despite telling them that nobody on my maternal side had given birth the natural way ever, I wouldn’t be able to give birth naturally. I was in active labour for 55 hours before they realised I was right. I nearly lost my son. Second time I saw an awful consultant who wanted me to have a Vbac. He hadn’t taken the time to read my previous notes and pushed and pushed until I made a complaint and stood my ground. I got an elective section with my second. My colleague had her DD a week after I had my son and she was a previous size 8 but carried small and neat and pushed out her DD who was 10lb so the skinny gym Minnie’s and section comparison isn’t really a thing here.
Im a size 10 but have broad shoulders and stupid DD boobs. My DH has always said I’m bigger than other girls despite my actual dress size being on the smaller side. I’m sports mad and bulky with boobs. I’m not fat or bigger in that respect.

A ‘big 14’ - really? That’s not big. Pretty insulting to the average size woman.